Isolated relative (re food and money)

[Iliketulips]

My Auntie (and her husband who is in rehabilitation at mo) moved to be near son late last year.

All my Auntie has said to me is she needs more local support and I half hoped she meant she'd just like more company, but she's told my Mum more than once she's hardly got any food and no cash. I know her son and DIL were doing a reasonable amount, ie food delivery/taking occasionally food shopping (they do all their shopping online so appreciate food shopping isn't their norm), helping her get new things for new home, taking her to see her husband once a week, so there is an element of me that suspects (and hopes things aren't that bad).

She is mentally capable, but the problem is they live in a small village with no shop, petrol station, cash point, so she can't get out for a few bits/money. Minimal bus service, but Auntie couldn't carry much back anyway as her arm is disabled - she can do everything else other than change her bed.

Can anyone see an easy solution to this? I don't live local.

Maybe they need tech help? Amazon deliveries via Amazon Prime and Amazon Fresh (food) if son can set it up for them and teach them how to use it? Or do it for them.

If cash is a problem in that it's difficult to get hold of then have a small safe installed and get son to obtain cash. This may make them feel more comfortable, even if they don't use it much.

I have to say this sounds like a very poor choice of location of residence given that they only moved last year.

If they have a milkman they can sometimes deliver bread and other essentials.

They also need a large freezer and fridge to accommodate a big shop.

Thank you. My Auntie is 88 and hasn't even got a mobile phone, so I really can't see her getting her head around technology.

They chose the location to be near their son to save him driving so far as it's a five minute walk up the road! Property is in perfect condition so totally maintenance free and perfect for an elderly couple, but yes, I agree not a great location.

A good point about getting a lump sum of cash though and placing it in a safe location. Also, local milk deliveries - looks like local chap does does eggs, bread, potatoes, fruit juice as well.

I'd ask the son about what the actual story is. Sometimes the reality is far from what someone says - her 'no food' could be that they are buying for her just what she asks for but they won't go for bread everyday. And money could be that she has plenty but was keeping hundreds in the house which her son is trying to stop

Regular online shopping - I’m not sure why her DS doesn’t do that? Very little cash probably needed then. Maybe more to it?

I would check with Son, but also visit at least once if you can (without letting son know)

I'd check with the son what she's actually getting. We shopped for an elderly neighbour couple during one lockdown - bought them stuff they asked for using our online order which came about every ten days.

What became apparent was they had previously been going shopping themselves every day, to buy what they needed that day. They had no idea how much milk or bread they needed to last ten days let alone quantities for meals.

I agree with checking with the son what she is actually getting with the shopping and popping round to see for yourself. GrandMIL is like this (very low contact with MIL and FIL and her other children so DH and DBIL are the POA and help her), she claims to have very little in the house and never has any money. However, GMIL shreds cash or hides it round the house (she has early onset Alzheimer's) and throws away food every other day.
Someone gets her a little shop in every other day (we did used to do a big shop every other week) and everything is paid for online but she loves hoarding cash. She is pretty much housebound now due to other medical issues so doesn't need much spending money at all but she is adamant she needs money every week which she then hides somewhere in the house or before we confiscated the shredder she shredded it.

We decant stuff like sugar, washing up liquid etc into little pots and travel size bottles as she just throws them away too. We've also arranged a milk man who delivers stuff like milk, juice, eggs, cheese etc.

We also arranged Wiltshire farm foods meal delivery as we found she was getting overwhelmed with cooking meals and ingredients. These go on a separate fridge in the garage which she doesn't remember exists. The carers or one of us puts it in the oven for her so we know she has 1 meal a day.

It could be the case that all this is happening in the background with Auntie.