Do I need to do anything?

[TreeLine23]

84 yr old parent with Parkinson's. Has been getting progressively worse, as expected. Basically cannot now do anything for themselves. Sits in armchair all day.

I live hours away, 1 sibling lives nearby but works F/T plus overtime too.

Stepparent has done all care up to now and for past year has been ranting to me & my sibling that they are 'running on empty' & 'who cares for the carers?'
Won't accept any suggestion of private carers, even though funds allow. 🤨 Positively venomous responses when external care package is mentioned.

Stepparent has basically driven local sibling away by being very obnoxious to them, so sibling limits the time they spend there.

Parent has now been admitted to hospital with mild stroke & waiting for a bed to come available at local community hospital.

Hospital saying that a care package will most likely need to be in place when parent returns home - Stepparent in agreement now. 🙄

Their finances are fairly separate, although I am aware of one joint bank account. House is held as tenants in common.
Despite my trying to get it sorted a few years ago, LPoA not in place & unlikely to be actioned now I suspect.

Stepparent has fallen out with me & basically not speaking to me because I asked them questions about parent's treatment plan.
Sibling is kind of keeping me informed but is a bit vague in responses...

Do I need to be doing anything?
The ward give me a general update when I ask but that's it, I'm not sure what the treatment plan is and if I visit, Stepparent will be there & would rather avoid seeing them at all, if possible.

☹️ It's a shit show.

Thanks for reading

I'm sorry as it sounds like a difficult situation and reminds me a bit of my uncle and his second wife.

If it were me I think I'd go and visit just to see your DF.Try to avoid your SM if at all possible, or if you have to see her just be very noncommittal and murmur some vague platitudes.

As to what you can do - well not a lot really without POA. Unfortunately your DF made his choice of DW and she will need to sort it, if it gets too much for her presumably she will move him to a home.

Not sure what you could do, really. Go visit your DF if you want to - you could always hide in the hospital canteen for a bit if his wife is at the bedside when you arrive.

As your DF is old and ill, the bottom line is, how to manage to see him as much as you'd like to, with as little time spent with his wife?