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Elderly parents

Elderly father seriously ill in hospital and clinically vulnerable Mum

5 replies

Blackwaterfoot · 27/05/2023 22:53

NC as such a specific set of circumstances it is outing.

My 77 year old father was rushed into hospital on Thursday night, having fallen backwards from half way up the stairs. The hospital said he was extremely lucky to survive this, but he is very badly injured. He has a severe head injury with a bleed on the brain, broken bones in face, broken eye socket, broken cheek bone and three broken bones in his spinal column. He is being kept flat in a neck brace as they do not yet know what the damage is to his neck ligaments. He's had several CT scans and an MRI yesterday which we are awaiting the results of. He cannot swallow due to the damage to his face, and because of the injuries need a specialist to put a feeding tube in. He is conscious and able to speak, but very confused.

Prior to his fall, things had gotten to a point of crisis since the beginning of the year when he had an Adrenal Crisis and was in hospital for a night. He has had at least eight falls in the last 6/8 weeks, spending most of the day in bed and barely eating anything. The bloods he has had done in hospital have shown that he has very low salt levels and low potassium. He has epilepsy caused by two brain tumours in his forties, low thyroid and adrenal insufficiency. His mobility in the last month has virtually disappeared and he would not walk anywhere unless my mother literally drove him to the door of wherever they were going. He has osteopeonia and osteoporosis which he had refused any treatment or investigation for. He has a huge fear of hospitals (due to the brain surgery) and had refused to get his eyes tested for years (due to his brain tumour being discovered during an eye test.) Last year he was referred to the falls clinic and he discharged himself after he was asked to sign a consent form to share his details with other NHS/public sector agencies.

Because of the head injuries (which have damaged the sight of where he had his brain surgery) and his poor overall health the doctors are weighing up whether they can safely operate on his back. His cognition seemed impaired before the accident. He was not forgetful but also not right with huge gaps in his memory and reasoning. Since the accident he has been very confused with some points of lucidity.

My mother was diagnosed with CLL (chronic lymphocytic leukaemia) three years ago and is now about to start treatment. She is very active, still drives and has more or less become my Dad’s carer. She looks after my child and my brother's child for a day each per week. Mum had gone to the GP last week to discuss her worries about my Dad, as she doesn’t think she will be able to cope with my Dad whilst she is having treatment. This was before the accident we are now in a completely different scenario now. My Mum is in shock as she witnessed the fall.

I guess I'm asking for advice as to what practically I need to consider with my brother and what we can expect. At the very least they are going to have to live somewhere else as they live in a two storey house, but what else should we be considering.

I work 28 hours from home over four days, and will ask if I can condense this over three days so I have two days where I can help my Mum and also to take the burden of looking after my daughter off her, at least in the short term (although I think realistically this may have to stop entirely.)

OP posts:
CC4712 · 27/05/2023 23:06

I'm sorry this is going on for you. It must be such a worry. I'm surprised that both you and your brother have used your mum as a child minder- when she is already caring for your dad full time and has her own health concerns! It sounds like your dad hasn't been very well for months and I'd imagine she has been doing far more of a caring/24hr nursing role for him than your are even aware of!

I would assume the hospital would do an assessment of your dad to see whether he can return home, or might require more support- either at home or a care home. Your mum will also require alot more support very soon.

I'd speak to the discharge planning team at the hospital. Its not uncommon for people like your mum to say that things are fine, she is coping and all is well- where as in fact they aren't! I'd be honest with your dads medical team and ask what support would be available to help them. x

Babyroobs · 28/05/2023 00:46

I think it's probably not the time to think about moving home at the moment in a crisis situation. Your dad could have to go to some kind of rehab facility for a while. Do they have a downstairs room / dining room or something which could be used temporarily as a bedroom ? Or many people manage with a stairlift with supervision. I wouldn't rush into a move just yet. Occupational therapy will do an assessment when he is discharged and put everything possible in place, also carer if necessary if your mum is unwell. As you know she won't be able to care for you or your brothers child as surely there is a risk of infection if she has leukemia albeit the chronic type.

Floralnomad · 28/05/2023 00:56

In the short term I wouldn’t be even thinking about housing , your dad sounds extremely poorly and as the pp said he could always go to rehab , which he will likely need and OT can then assess what needs to be done at home .

alexdgr8 · 28/05/2023 00:58

your mother needs support as well as your father.
he may need to go to some kind of rehab facility and there will need to be long term planning.
you can't do anything about that at the moment, as it depends on his medical condition.
but really i too am surprised that your mother was being burdened with childcare when she had such a frail husband at home with no care input.
she must have been struggling for months.
would she benefit from having a cleaner while she is having treatment.
if you get the right person they could be a kind of personal assistant/ support worker too.
i know some people who do that job, they are v caring and practical. they work freelance.

AluckyEllie · 28/05/2023 00:59

I assume it will be months before your dad is able to come home and I mean this very kindly- if he does at all. He’ll be at a very high risk of developing a chest infection whilst he is immobile, especially being constantly flat. He’s got major surgery ahead of him if he is found suitable.

I would make your mum and her treatment the main priority for the moment. Are all arrangements in place- will she be able to drive herself? Condensing your hours sounds very sensible so you will be around to help her if necessary. Could you discuss moving with her and see what her thoughts are. Then maybe start decluttering or preparing for a move, researching areas. I would probably hold off on the actual move until you know what your dads needs would be. He may need placement in a nursing/residential home.

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