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Elderly parents

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Original poster

Attendance Allowance

44 replies

Stepbystep100 · 15/05/2023 11:22

Its been recommened that I post on this thread as I wonder if Dads at the stage he can start to claim AA. We have POAs applied for and they are in process as they take few months.

We lost Mum suddenly a year ago and she supported Dad a lot. Since then he hs lived alone with me visiting from 100 miles away as often s possible and calling at least once daily. The help needed in the past 6 months has been:

Food - he cannot cook. He can make cereal breakfast but his meals are ready meals uing the most basic microwave. I have to write the cooking instructions on a label on front of packet as the amount on information on the back confuses him.

Drink - he only drinks water (by choice)

Medication - we have created an online account for this and I request repeats for him monthly. He also has devices he needs to use - I call them and order monthly. These companies then contact his GP for a prescription and send items to him. I remind him they are coming in my phone calls and he lets me know when they have arrived.

Communication - he struggles to be understood on the telephone. This has been noted by his hospital consultant and by a local charity that take him out one day a fortnight. They have both been given/asked for my contact details so they can speak to me when they get problems. He never remembers names now but does describe people accurately so I tend to know who he means.

Time keeping - he is only on time for things if he is picked up. Otherwise he seems to wake up and just go. He missed buses and so only goes on the local charity bus now whch collects him and missed social events because he has turned up at 8.30 whne the session starts at 11. He books early medical appointments and then when he is "early" it doesnt matter so much. We have bought the large faced digital clock with the time and day and morning/afternoon on it although he says its a "lot of information".

Post - I have to help him with all of his post now. If its something urgent - like a doctors appointment - I tend to visit soon after to check he has understood it correctly. He needs help with his bills and paying them.

TV - he only watches TV on his laptop and struggles to enter passwords to access his TV subscription accounts. He rings me twice a week minimum needing me to dial into his computer and talk him through logging in.

Social - he doesnt go to many things and Ive stopped encourging him unless he is being picked up because of the problems Ive had to deal with from my home, 100 miles away, when he turns up at the wrong time.

Mobile - he has never managed to work a mobile phone - he carries it with him everywhere but never uses it.

Medical - he has quite a bit of medication for various things - he is in his 80s. I think he has prostate cancer although he doesnt have any meds for this. I am now going to his appointments with him and travelling up as I don't undertstand what is going on and he cannot communicate it clearly to me. He suffers from repeated issues with his indwelling catheter and has needed A and E/urgent care/district nurses to be called 3 times in recent weeks. He has fallen once and stumbles occassionally.

Id like to be able to arrange for him to have some help to aid him staying independent and wondered if he could claim some AA to enable him too.

Any advice would ne great, thanks

Do we have to ask his doctor for a special form?

OP posts:

Mischance · 16/05/2023 15:45

Your local Age Concern will help you fill in the form.

Original poster

Stepbystep100 · 16/05/2023 19:11

That's what I think we will do. I'll.get the medical information lined up and evidence dates after seeing his GP this week and ask them to help.

OP posts:

Mischance · 16/05/2023 21:55

Age Concern are great - they will tell you if he qualifies (he does) and help you fill in the forms. I used to do this as a SW and it is all about understanding the (highly repetitive) forms and making sure that you are stating how he is at his worst and not glossing over anything.

Gloriousgardener11 · 16/05/2023 22:13

My mother recently contacted Age Concern to ask for support in filling out the forms but was told that, due to staff shortages, they couldn't help and suggested she had a go herself.
She did and it took hours. They've now informed her that they are in receipt of the form but it will take three months to process !

Jogrighton · 16/05/2023 22:23

I use an Amazon Echo to communicate with my mum, I can just drop in. She doesnt have to press anything. It's positioned in the lounge, sometimes I see her whizzing up the stairs on her stairlift

Iizzyb · 16/05/2023 22:29

You can apply for AA on his behalf so any contact comes to you. I never had a call when I put a claim in for DM. Make sure you refer to all the help managing financial affairs, sorting meds, speaking to him to help him organise his life via phone etc.

It was a truly sobering experience op good luck with it all x

Babyroobs · 16/05/2023 23:30

Gloriousgardener11 · 16/05/2023 22:13

Yes same in my workplace. Staffing has been cut, the charity has no money. There is me ( full time) and a part timer to cover the whole county. Many elderly people need home visits to complete the form especially if they have no family to help them and are hard of hearing/ easily flustered etc - they need help to sort out relevant medical letters, they need help to get stuff photocopied etc. I go round all week helping older people with these forms, and a lot of younger ones with PIP forms also but we cannot keep up with demand and regularly have to stop taking new referrals. When we then get the results ( most have a positive outcome) we need to do follow up work - benefit checks, helping people to claim pension credit, council tax support, carers for their partner etc. It's relentless and the charity has no money to fund more staff and most of the volunteers have left too ! The form is designed for people to complete themselves and whilst many elderly people may not be bale to do it, I would think most relatives could, there is plenty of guidance on how to complete the form. Another option is to ask a representative from the DWP to come out and help fill it in but generally we do find the outcomes are not quite as good !

countrygirl99 · 17/05/2023 05:50

Parsley Box are worth looking at as well. They don't need freezing so he doesn't need to remember to defrost.

catchingzzzeds · 17/05/2023 05:57

I found applying for AA for my grandmother very straightforward. At the time, she didn't have any medical diagnosis apart from high bp and arthritis her mobility to do task's herself were the problem. I just listed her medication not details. Her main issues were not being able to attend appointments, cooking and cleaning without support.
The AA was awarded quickly, backdated without an assessment. Good luck!

Original poster

Stepbystep100 · 17/05/2023 07:05

Just looked at Parsley Box. I do like their wine and beer pairings! Dad won't, because since losing one kidney, he's the UKs Olympic water drinking champion, but its good to see the meals being treated as "busy adult" rather than "unable adult". I've requested a printed catalogue for him.

Amazon echo sounds good as he and we both have one. Only issue he has is that he's not clear so Alexa rarely responds to him. We tried that for telling the time before we bought the "big clock". Ive been using a piece of login software I used at work during lockdown to start video meetings with me, to access stuff he needs to do online and when he needs help with getting into his TV subscription websites. His laptop has recently decided to not save data which is very unhelpful but when he is with us soon for a week so we can try and sort these things out. Mum was a real whizz on all this stuff :( she died in a matter of months last year from bowel cancer.

He enjoys video meetings as we can have lunch or a cuppa "together".

OP posts:

Birchtrees · 17/05/2023 07:15

I was told about this by the OT looking after my elderly mother.
I fill in forms and go to the bank and the doctor with my mother, take her to appointments etc. personal care is not involved at the moment. Would it be worth applying for in that basis and how much is it? Is it paid to the elderly person not the person doing the caring?

Fizbosshoes · 17/05/2023 07:45

Macmillan nurses helped my dad to fill in the form for AA, and to be very honest at the time he first started getting it, he seemed more able than you describe your dad in the OP. Although he did deteriorate both physically and mentally.
Age UK helped my uncle but that was probably 5 years ago so perhaps not something they still are able to offer.
My uncle had parsley box meals, some didn't even need to be refrigerated so he could order lots at once without worrying about fridge space (he didn't have a freezer)

Seymour5 · 17/05/2023 07:58

Mischance · 16/05/2023 21:55

For info: The charity that helps older people is Age UK. Age Concern and Help the Aged haven’t been around since they merged then became Age UK more than 10 years ago.

VicSynix · 17/05/2023 21:16

Anyone who needs help with filling out a form - find out if your parents surgery has any social prescribers or equivalent. We spend a lot of time helping people with AA forms and we also have access to medical records so can include anything relevant with the form. Which all helps.

It's not means tested, can be spent on anything and goes direct to the elderly person. Always worth applying for!

Honeyroar · 17/05/2023 21:31

I’ve recently filled it in for my mum. I was told to fill it in thinking of her on her worst day, because she is not getting better. The form is long and repetitive. It took over two months to be granted, but they back dated it.

Your dad sounds like he’s struggling a little. Would he not be better in a more assisted living type place? Carers are good, but do less and less “care” nowadays.

I wonder if you could get local café/restaurants to deliver him a meal once or twice a week so he has a ready meal free day now and again?

I feel for you. I’m struggling looking after my mum and she’s local to me.

Original poster

Stepbystep100 · 18/05/2023 05:53

We've asked if he'd like to move at all and he is thinking about it. He doesn't want to move in town but he might want to come to live with us. He knows that's always an option and when he comes on holiday to us he stays three weeks. He would miss the things he does do but we could reverse it and stay up there on holidays. Plus he has his medical links - his GP and especially his consultant who he has seen since his kidney was removed 15 years ago as we are under a different hospital.

I've looked for local dinner deliveries and they are so expensive for one person. The charge is OK, often about £2.50 and fair enough to.cover the time and cost, but the minimum.cost of the order has risen dramatically recently. He doesn't live close enough for them to do him a deal, sadly. That's what Mum arranged for my Grandad who lived in a bustling village centre. He had 6 meals a week from cafe/pub menus dropped around! And Mum took him a Sunday Lunch. He ate like a Lord. It's a great idea.

OP posts:

ScratchPanelPattern3 · 20/05/2023 12:55

https://www.gov.uk/attendance-allowance

It is not means tested

If it is awarded, it is paid back dated to the date of the application