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Elderly parents

End of Life Care

11 replies

FiveShelties · 13/05/2023 21:45

My Mum will be 93 this month and sadly is in 'End of life care'. This seems really trivial but --- her wedding and engagement rings are really loose and spin around on her finger. Staff and visitors to the care home have said I should remove them as they may get lost, but I am worried this may upset her.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Iamacatslave · 13/05/2023 21:50

Will your mother notice if you attempt to remove the rings?

SusanSHelit · 13/05/2023 21:50

How much awareness does she have currently? If she's awake /aware, I would leave them be, perhaps you could put a small plaster on her finger under the rings?

If she is sleeping lots and not really aware of her surroundings at this point, it might not be a bad idea to take them off to keep them safe.

Either way, as with an awful lot of end of life care, it's a personal decision and only you and your mums loved ones can really know the answer.

I know this is a really tough time, sending unmumsnetty hugs and hope you're mum is as comfortable as she can be

FiveShelties · 13/05/2023 22:03

I did touch them to push them back and she did close her hand. I did not want to cause her any stress so left them. She is my only relative apart from my husband so I do not have any other family to ask 'what would you do?'

Thanks for the hugs - it is tough, but she has been in her own home for 92 years without care so she has done pretty well. Hope I do as well.

OP posts:
SleepingisanArt · 13/05/2023 22:12

Could you tape them on? (Using micropore tape or a plaster.) That way she can still feel them but they won't come off.

AmandaHoldensLips · 13/05/2023 22:18

By "getting lost" they may be using a euphemism - not all visitors / workers / patients are honest people and things do get stolen.

Bluebells1970 · 13/05/2023 22:23

I worked in a nursing home OP, and it's so easy for loose jewellery to slip off a hand when you're either washing or turning someone in bed. It can slip onto the towel or sheet that then gets slid out from under the patient and boom, it's gone. Ask them to tape them if you think that your Mum would be distressed at their removal.

Trees6 · 13/05/2023 22:25

It’s a tough one. If she loses them and notices they’re missing, she’ll be distraught. At least if you remove them you can explain that they’re safe in a drawer.

Is it worth getting them resized by a jeweller.? You can buy a sizer, measure her finger, and tell the jeweller her size:änner-Frauen/dp/B001MG85IK/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?crid=3IB5EBXFFU1PP&amp%3Bkeywords=ring%20sizer%20uk&amp%3Bqid=1684013020&amp%3Bsprefix=ring%20suzer%2Caps%2C73&amp%3Bsr=8-5&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

Pollydollydoodle · 13/05/2023 22:26

You can buy little plastic like tubing to fit round the back of the ring to make it a little more snug on the finger. Hugs. Px

Pollydollydoodle · 13/05/2023 22:29

Eiito Ring Size Adjuster For Loose Rings (4 Sizes), Ring Resizer for Ring Adjuster Smaller, Ring Spacer, 12 Pcs Ring Guard

JussathoB · 13/05/2023 22:31

Tbh I would try removing the rings.Tell her gently you are going to keep them safe for her. Your mum wouldn’t want them to get lost or stolen would she. You are caring for her with love at the end of her life…. I don’t see anything wrong with simplifying things and putting things in order now.

FiveShelties · 14/05/2023 07:52

Many thanks for all your help and suggestions.

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