Mother multiple health issues, don't know what to do

[user58962411]

Hi
My elderly mum is not managing. She has heart disease and diabetes and has recently put on a lot of weight. This is getting her down but she won't exercise - even 10 minute walks - as she says she is scared of falling, won't sit outside to enjoy the sun (cataracts bother her but won't wear her sunglasses or a hat), doesn't want to eat and then has hypos, just wants to sit and do nothing. Her house is too big for her and is a mess but she won't move. She's had depression all my life. She's constantly tearful and expects us to do "something" but I don't know what - she seems to need constant company but I live 4 1/2 hours away and I have my family and job. She's pressuring her partner to be with her all the time and it's getting a lot for him to deal with emotionally too.

She says she can't get a f2f doctors appointment. I've spoken to a doctor about her in the past but of course they can't discuss her because of privacy, she's since moved surgery and I don't know who her doctor is.

Mother is also autistic and can be very stubborn and hard to deal with; any challenges or suggestions that she eat more regularly (we used to eat healthily in the past but this has slipped), choose less fatty food, come for a little walk, pull the curtains are taken as criticism and result in tears and/or angry outbursts. I DON'T WANT TO / I DON'T LIKE IT / I CAN'T is the shouted reply to everything.

Her partner is as concerned as me and I/we don't know what to do. I'm sad and worried. Any advice would be welcome, thank you.

Could you phone her surgery for her to organise a f2f appointment and arrange to take her? I realise the distance is a problem for you but maybe if there is a way to do this it could solve some of your problems as you would be able to voice your concern.
You can phone the surgery yourself and explain what the problem is, they'll tell you they can't discuss your mother over the phone unless she has consented, but you can ask for advice as to how to proceed and ask for the dr to be told that you've phoned about your mother and you'd like the dr to see her - no harm in trying.
The other option is to email the surgery if you know the drs name and set out your concerns.
I'm able to discuss my Mother in law with the dr but she lives with us so it's probably a bit different.
Sometimes it's easier to get an appointment by going to the surgery rather than phoning (quicker too!!) - whether her partner could do it?

I think you need to find out what Drs surgery she is using so you can email/phone or whatever with your concerns about your mum. I appreciate that might be easier said than done, maybe her partner could help you find out who her GP is.

Thank you for your replies, I'll try to see if I can find out who her doctor is.