Dementia, stage 4 cancer. Care entitlement and nursing homes?

[Pariswithkids]

We have cared for dmil for 8 years. This used to be care we shared with DHs brother (we both adapted our homes) but 12 months ago brother couldn’t continue with it. Dementia is now very advanced, incontinence, sometimes doubly and this week we got breast and lymphoma cancer diagnosis. Mobility is deteriorating very rapidly it feels, she sometimes can’t get on the stairlift now and has to stay in bed. She’s managed it today however. It just feels like the end is nigh and I don’t really know what to do. I don’t want her to get stuck one day and and up in a hospital ward.

should we be considering nursing home? DH is worried about this because when his brother sorted the house sale and poa the solicitor said to take £800 each per month as reasonable care fees for themselves to keep her below the 23k threshold and because they had both had to give up work, so this is what they do. Is that wrong? DH is worried our assets could now be in jeopardy to fund care?

or because of the cancer diagnosis, the dr seems to suggest it’s terminal, are we entitled to maybe some home nursing or something?

i just don’t know where to start and what’s best and it feels she’s got quite unwell quite quickly now

thank you

I would ask her GP to refer to the district nurses. If she has a terminal diagnosis and is beginning to deteriorate I would ask the GP to review on a home visit and say you are concerned about her deterioration.

It sounds like she is at the stage where she may benefit from a fast track assessment from the district nurses rather than a CHC assessment. If a person meets the criteria on a fast track assessment it enables free care to be put in place quite quickly.

The district nurses would also be able to order things like a hospital bed if needed. This may help keep her more comfortable at home/make it easier for her to get in and out of bed.

@Pariswithkids Please don’t let the emotion of what @hatgirl says get in the way of listening to what she’s saying. She’s giving you what the LA’s view will be. She has consistently given sound advice on this board for several years, please don’t let the hurt get in the way of listening to it.

You’re in a dreadful situation not of your making. The blame goes in order to your solicitor, your BIL, and to your DH for being gullible.

If you seek further legal advice, look for a solicitor who is a member of the association of solicitors with special expertise in the affairs of the elderly.

Yes that is correct.

There would be legal consequences if the fees weren't subsequently paid. The local authority could take the person themselves (if they were still capacitated) or their deputy to court. The court would then determine who needed to stump up the cash/ sell assets / have a charge put on their property to pay the fees.

It's quite rare for this to happen because usually families try and avoid ending up in court and funds reappear.

If the local authority feel that money has been 'stolen' or taken fraudulently by the attornies rather than given willingly by the donor then they would refer this to the police and open a safeguarding enquiry.

The police can and do prosecute. Many examples of this can be found by Google for lesser sums being discussed by the OP.

The local authority will always make sure the person is looked after regardless of money but that doesn't mean they won't pursue it robustly through the courts in the background.

@ Hatgirl So if the person who gave the money away had capacity at the time, but had since lost it, the Court would determine where the money needed to come from. But the attorney themselves, if they hadn't received any of the money, wouldn't face legal sanctions since it was done before the person had lost capacity? Sorry, I'm going down rabbit holes here.

My apologies to @hatgirl and thank you for the advice. I am a bit emotional at the moment. I would never deprive her of any care to protect any of us, genuinely.

all of the advice has been greatly appreciated and I think just talking it through has helped me decide what we’re going to do. Thanks particularly for the advice to contact gp about district nurses. A relative works in care and says we have a brilliant local team.

funnily enough she’s bright as a button today! We had a long standing joke where she asks what we’re up to today and I say something ridiculous. She hasn’t asked for ages and now just asks me if I like my job as her carer.

she said what are we up to today and I said you’re booked in for a sky dive at 3, she nearly fell over laughing, she’s now watching abba and singing along. I may be catastrophising.

We’ll care for here and she’ll be well looked after. I will start another thread about practicalities if I need to. Thank you all 😊

@Pariswithkids you sound like you are a very caring person, and are facing a difficult time. regardless of the funding issues I’d like to remind you that the LA is still legally obliged to offer an assessment of your MIL’s needs, relevant advice and an assessment of your needs as carer. This is not a chargeable service.
Maybe tomorrow it will be SCUBA diving :-)

Thank w@Agoodidea😊
feel like this thread descended into what care can I get for free.l, wasn’t my intention

we all have funds and well pay for it if we have to x
SCUBA is a good one thanks! Hope she’s that lucid tomorrow