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Elderly parents

Getting my head round residential care

12 replies

DairyBoon · 13/04/2023 21:12

I am an only child and for the past 20 years have lived with my husband and children approximately 300 miles from where I was born. My parents still live in that area, but no other family does. Now in their 80’s my folks have Carers that go into twice a day for my dad who has prostate cancer and must wear a catheter. He has bad mobility problems and is going blind. My Mum has memory problem, which have not been diagnosed as dementia, but I feel it could be going that way.
After spending a lot of time travelling to them to help out, round 18 months ago we all decided to pool our money and buy together a house with an annex so my parents could live with us so we could support them. Ideally with a care package. However, we have had tonnes of problems with the sale and purchase – meanwhile my dad’s health has been deteriorating. Dad has been in and out of hospital with urine infections which tend to lend to delirium. He is just ending another hospital stay and we have been advised by the Social Worker and Hospital that it would not be advisable to send home and are advising for us to put him into residential care. He now needs 24-hour care and with my Mum’s memory problems this is not advisable at all.
On the house front we have finally sold our property – found another with an annex which is what we wanted.
My head is in a mess with what to do – I feel so guilty about putting him into residential care – as I know he will hate it - but on the other hand my Mam has been so much better when he is in hospital.  The homes they are suggesting are in my hometown as well and hopefully they would have been moving in with us in 3 – 4 months.  I’m also worried about how much this will all cost – My parents have just over £20k in the bank. Their house has not been put up for sale yet but some of the proceeds would be used buy the house with the annex.

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 13/04/2023 21:17

I think you need to investigate VERY carefully the financial ramifications of what your are proposing. The money from the sale of your parents home might be expected to be used to pay for the residential care.
You need some proper advice before you commit to any property that relies on your parents money to pay the mortgage.
You could end up with a property that’s bigger than you need and that you can’t afford.

Smartiepants79 · 13/04/2023 21:17

Do they have pensions? What kind of income do they have?

DairyBoon · 13/04/2023 21:25

Thanks @Smartiepants79 - their income is a mixture of private / state pensions that is all. In terms of the house move - they are contributing towards the deposit (which has been been passed via the Solicitor a year ago). We are paying the mortgage it's based on only our income.

OP posts:
Badbudgeter · 13/04/2023 21:27

I think for your Dad the house can be ignored as your Mum lives there. Half of 20k is under the threshold so he should get funded care. It does mean you get less/ no choice of where he goes. I’d be very careful with selling their house though. Despite the families best intentions several of my relatives have gone into care homes as no one could cope with them anymore/ they were unsafe and needed watching 24 hours a day which is impossible to do in a normal family home.

You might end up in a bigger place with an annexe to pay for but your Mum needing residential care as well. Dementia homes are often 1k + a week. She won’t be funded as she gave away her assets to you.

Viviennemary · 13/04/2023 21:32

This is really tricky. Any money and property they have will be taken into consideration when assessing who is liable to pay for residential care. You could try ringing Age UK to see what they say. Even if it's only temporary the reidentual care home fees will be very expensive.

ALittleBitAhAh · 13/04/2023 21:40

If you use Facebook this page is very helpful:

DairyBoon · 13/04/2023 21:46

Thanks so much for your advice so far - much appreciated

OP posts:
crew2022 · 13/04/2023 21:48

They can put a charge on half the house if your mum still lives there and use that towards his care. This happened to our neighbour when her husband needed care. Also if your mum needed care within a certain timescale of providing money for your house move then officially I think in some circumstances they can ask for it back towards care. Get some proper advice.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 13/04/2023 21:53

If your mum remains living in their home it will be disregarded in the financial assessment Age uk paying for care

however if you sell it then it becomes more complicated. I’d ring Age Uk & get some proper advice

DiscoBeat · 13/04/2023 22:09

If your mum remains living in their home it will be disregarded in the financial assessment
On the other hand they can put a charge against the house for any at- home care she needs. I wouldn't get into this at this stage, it's too late.
It would be better if you built and paid for the extension yourself then had them with you as much as you are able to, than all selling up and buying something in all your names.

SheilaFentiman · 15/04/2023 08:35

This is extremely tricky.

Would the proceeds of half your parents’ house be enough to buy the house with the annexe? I think your dad can no longer move in with you, if he needs 24h care. It’s not safe.

SheilaFentiman · 15/04/2023 08:38

Are you living in a rented place at the moment?

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