Anyones parent have their bed downstairs and live in one room with carers? How did they adapt to this change.

[Longingforthesummer]

My dad is in his 90s, housebound due to a lung condition, lives in his own home with carers 4 x times a day, he's quite independent as in they come and help him, prep things for him and help get him to bed etc. he walks with a frame slowly and also has the use of a stairlift etc at home. I go one lunchtime a week to cook a hot meal and 1 half a day a week to spend time, do cleaning, shopping hot meal etc.

Fast forward a few weeks and due to an infection ended up in hospital, knocked him for 6 but he started to feel better, so from there after ABs kicked in they sent him to a rehab hospital to get him back on his feet before going back home.

NOW
He was only in there a few days and they noticed blood in his urine then a big bleed so rushed him to A&E, then after 2 days sent him back to the rehab hospital with a caphter in .... then a day later sent him back to hospital for a scan and then a few days later back to a different hospital for a bladder camera thingy...he's totally exhausted...the wait for transport back and forth to the hospital was crazy - wanting 4 hours after the camera thing for transport back, he's also not eating properly. So he's feeling drained, weak and not able to stand even with a routunder frame thing and they are hoisting him from bed to chair etc.

GOING FORWARD
So the OT wanted to look around his house to see what would be possible for him once he's sent home - obvs things have to change. She has said he would need a bed downstairs, a commode, 2 x carers per visit and would have to have a one-room living/existence as she put it. For him to stay in his own home he would need to adapt to this new way of living which I agree.

It's going to be a nightmare with him I'm sure. He's so set in his ways and very stubborn. Just wanted to know if anyone has experienced this, any pointers to give me, any advice on how to help my Dad adapt to this massive change for him etc. He wont see how lucky he really is to be able to still live in his own home still, he's quite selfish like that and I think Ive always done everything for him so Im really dreading it

[AluckyEllie]

Would a care home not be the better option because at least there will be people around for company? Otherwise he’s going to spend large periods of the day stuck in bed or the armchair staring at the ceiling/tv. How would he cope with that? Does he like reading/tv? Does he have any hobbies that can be done from bed. The days will be very long for him.

Does he still have a catheter? If he needs a poo between carers visits he’ll have to go in a pad- does he realise this? I know care homes are seen as horrible but really they can add a bit of quality of life- communal meals/carer at the end of a bell.

[Marchforward]

I was also wondering if a care home would be more suitable.

[riotlady]

I have worked with people like this and I have to be honest, it can be quite a rough go. Are they expecting him to be able to transfer independently before he goes home or is he going to be reliant on carers shifting him back and forth? Because being stuck in a chair or a bed until your next visit is really limiting and can be tricky for toileting. I hate to be doom and gloom about it because it can work, but I think it can be pushed on people who would be better suited to another living situation.

A care home can be a much bigger psychological wrench initially, but a better quality of life in the long term.

[tootiredtospeak]

My Grandad is 89 and up to Xmas has been very healthy no carers could walk stairs get to the pub once a week. At Xmas he had pneumonia and cannot get back to where he was he has been in hospital 6 times when home he has had carers with 4 visits a bed downstairs a commode and when he was home he just sat on his setee all day watching TV. It's just such a shit existence and no life at all compared to before. We haven't even been able to leave him yet with all that in place and still slept there and stayed with him between carer visits. I think he needs 24hr care now it's been 4 months how long do you keep trying to get them back to their own homes he loses more and more of himself everytime.

[user1471453601]

Why does your Dad need to live in one room only? Genuine question, definitely not goady.

If he can still use some form of rollator, and he has a chair lift, can be have have a walker for for upstairs and one for downstairs?

That's my plan. Currently I have two rollators, one for indoor use, downstairs, and one for outdoor use. And a stair lift. My next step will be to get a rollator for upstairs as well.

I may well have got things wrong. Perhaps your Dad can no longer use his rollater, in which case, just ignore me.

[Sparklywolf]

It's hard all round but sometimes it's best to be bluntly honest. It sounds like he still has mental capacity so he needs to know his current choices are home in one room or a care home. Neither are great choices but they are reality.

Is he having physio? Is there any prospect of getting him back on his feet if he regains his strength? The hospital may be keen to free up the bed ASAP but it's worth pushing to discuss all the options/possibilities.

[cptartapp]

@user1471453601

Why does your Dad need to live in one room only? Genuine question, definitely not goady.

If he can still use some form of rollator, and he has a chair lift, can be have have a walker for for upstairs and one for downstairs?

That's my plan. Currently I have two rollators, one for indoor use, downstairs, and one for outdoor use. And a stair lift. My next step will be to get a rollator for upstairs as well.

I may well have got things wrong. Perhaps your Dad can no longer use his rollater, in which case, just ignore me.

OP has said he now can't stand.
I was a district nurse for many years and saw many people living in one room at their insistence on staying at home. It was pitiful tbh. There was very little dignity left. Sitting opposite a full commode or in a soiled pad for hours on end.
And actually once the inevitable happened and they were moved to a care home they became happier. Were bathed, hair washed, well fed, had company. And importantly families got their lives back.

[DuesToTheDirt]

Sounds similar to my mum.

She was getting physically worse but was adamant she'd stay in her own home and pay for carers to come in, rather than move to a home or even to sheltered housing. Then she got to the point where she could barely stand (hip problems) and she chose to move downstairs. I went to visit and struggled to get her from her bed into a wheelchair, or to the commode next to the bed, or even to help her sit up in bed. One evening I though she would have to sleep in a chair as I couldn't help her move back to the bed.

She really would have been stuck in one room if she'd had carers coming in to do this, as her house wouldn't allow two carers and a hoist to manoeuver her, without serious remodelling.

As others have said, a care home was the obvious answer to us (if not immediately to her) and that is what happened. It's not ideal, but it's better than the alternative and allows her more flexibility and freedom, plus the option of company.

[CharlotteStreetW1]

My MIL had to have her bed moved downstairs after breaking her hip. Fortunately her "one" room is double length and you barely notice the bed. Also her bathroom is downstairs. Two years on she no longer has carers and sometimes sneaks upstairs for a rummage but comes down on her bum.

[Mossstitch]

@user1471453601

Why does your Dad need to live in one room only? Genuine question, definitely not goady.

If he can still use some form of rollator, and he has a chair lift, can be have have a walker for for upstairs and one for downstairs?

That's my plan. Currently I have two rollators, one for indoor use, downstairs, and one for outdoor use. And a stair lift. My next step will be to get a rollator for upstairs as well.

I may well have got things wrong. Perhaps your Dad can no longer use his rollater, in which case, just ignore me.

A rotunder is a transfer aid for carers to assist transferring him from bed to chair to commode. He is unable to mobilise independently.

[sparkle17]

Gosh it's quite depressing. Either care at home or care home are going to be quite difficult.

Just read the long euthanasia thread. It does make you think about the use of antibiotics for people in their 90's especially if already needing care 4 times a day. I know what I would want to do.

[DutchCowgirl]

My father lived for 6 months in a bed in his livingroom with carers coming over. It was almost a fulltime job for me. I couldn’t handle it on my own. He kept soiling the bed and the floor and .. wel basically everything. And the carers didn’t have enough time to clean it up thoroughly, so it was left for me. He also had a catheter and everytime it leaked or slipped out, constantly we needed help with that thing.

I begged him to sign up for a care home, the situation drove me mad. (I also have 2 kids and a job). We had an emotional confrontation and finally he signed. Now he lives in a home and he is so much better off! They put him in a wheelchair and he can move around in his room all by himself (wasn’t possible in his own house) and he is clean and gets fresh food. He even made new friends and he really loves the nurses. I am just so proud of him he did this.