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Elderly parents

Incontinence and male parent - looking for advice

10 replies

WanderleyWagon · 11/04/2023 15:22

My father has been having apparently incontinence-related issues for a few years now but it seems to be getting worse. Mostly I just notice a small wet patch at the crotch of his trousers; but a few times recently I've noticed a smell of wee about him. I've advised him to change trousers/pyjamas more often as a precaution, but I guess we may eventually have to look at incontinence products for him.

Physically, he's otherwise quite well. He's independent and mobile, dresses himself, drives or gets public transport to get himself about, etc. I only see him every few weeks/months as I live in another country. Mentally/emotionally he's less well - he's very passive and incurious. The glass is always half empty and he's (very understandably!) anxious and sad about diminishing capacities. So far he has been mostly resistant to finding a pre-emptive solution to this.

I'd love to hear from anybody who has negotiated this kind of thing with a male parent. I don't know what products might be available - are they all of the disposable pants variety? Or are there 'transitional' products, somehow? Any advice gratefully received.

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 11/04/2023 15:34

My dad found the Tena Men pads very good as they were shaped and dealt well with a bit of leaking without feeling like nappies. He didn't use them, but we got reusable inco pants for my mum as she kept putting disposables in the washing machine and they absorbed way more than you'd think, and the technology of those has moved on vastly in the last couple of years and look very normal now

GrumpyPanda · 11/04/2023 15:43

Hi OP, I've been dealing with incontinence issues with both parents for a couple of years - dad died last year.

Sounds like it's just a light case of urinary incontinence so far which in principle is easy enough to handle.

You don't need disposable panties, there are both unisex and male pads available. Male ones didn't work for my dad because treatment for prostrate cancer has shrunk his penis so much the urine actually dribbled more in back. But might work for your dad.

There is also reusable period underwear just like period pants. It's not enough to handle medium to severe cases - you'd need additional inserts for that- but might well be a good solution for your dad and less embarrassing than pads which he might find emasculating. If you do try that route I'd go straight to a medical supplies specialist who knows about incontinence products specifically- phone ahead and discuss if they have experience, and make sure everything gets tried on properly. You can try internet orders too - more of a faff but might be easier for your dad psychologically?

Muchtoomuchtodo · 11/04/2023 15:49

Has he seen his GP to rule out anything reversible?

In Wales we have a bowel and bladder service who can assess and prescribe appropriate products. You could ask if there’s a similar service where your DF lives

Beamur · 11/04/2023 16:51

Apologies for the photo! Didn't realise that would post too.

2bazookas · 11/04/2023 17:01

He can get disposable pads that fits inside his underpants. Basically the equivalent to a menstruation ST, just placed differently

Get a good quality washable waterproof fitted mattress protector for his bed, to put on under the sheet. In addition, he may need to sleep on a disposable incontinence pad (about 2 ft square).

Thelocal pharmacy will have leaflets advice and info about incontinence products and services; so should his GP. The GP practice probably have a nurse responsible for incontinence help..
Some councils have a special collection for incontinence products.

He also needs to be checked out by DR for medical causes for the leaking; such as an enlarged prostate gland

Most important thing is just to treat the wetting very matter of factly and openly to help him do the same. If he can overcome any embarrassment he'll find it so much easier to handle.

BriceNobeslovesMurielHeslop · 11/04/2023 17:08

@Beamur 😂😂 JUMP SCARE!
I would echo trying to rule out reversible causes. Something like BPH can improve with medicine. Is he drinking enough? It’s counter- intuitive but a lot of people with continence problems start drinking less because they think it will help. In fact the opposite is true as the urine becomes more irritant to the bladder.

MereDintofPandiculation · 11/04/2023 20:48

Beamur · 11/04/2023 16:51

Apologies for the photo! Didn't realise that would post too.

It’s a recent thing. Previously you could just post a link. Now when you post a link, it tries to open the link too. Delusions of grandeur. Thinks it’s Facebook.

daisydoods · 11/04/2023 20:54

My DF uses the Tena men's pads and finds them really comfortable and discreet

Throwncrumbs · 11/04/2023 21:03

There’s a thing called a Conveen you attach it and have a small bag attached to the leg on the inside of trousers.

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