It's my first time posting and I'm not exactly sure what I'm after. A little understanding or a way to make myself feel better. Like many on this thread, I feel I am at breaking point. Or a little way past that.
I care for my DM who is 74, blind and broke her hip 8 months ago. Her sight loss has caused her to break almost every bone in her body at some point. Her previous frequent and excessive alcohol consumption did not help with mobility either.
I came to stay with DM 8 months ago and the original plan was to share care with my sister. One week on, one week off. But as DSis kept putting her week off, I just sort of stuck around. Things were going ok for me and my Mum. I cook, clean, do the washing and shopping, decorating, DIY all the admin etc. No personal care yet which makes things easier. But it feels like a lot as there is still so much stuff to sort through after she downsized following the death of her partner.
I was working but failing at that - ended up miserable and with the cost of living crisis, decided to abandon failing job, move in with my Mum permanently and rent out my house. It's a small income, around £600 per month but it meant I don't have to pay bills so - I'm surviving.
So, things were going ok but my main issue is that I have very little support from my sister and my relationship with my Mum is becoming increasingly strained as a result. Sister works full time (very well paid job with some status) and moved near to my Mum 2 years ago, ironically so she could offer more support. In those 2 years DM has been inside her house on 2 occasions. Once was Xmas and DSis tried everything possible to get out of that. DSis visits her approx once a month, never takes her out unless I ask her to. Even then I think there have been 3 meals and 1 trip to theatre in 2 years.
DSis refused to visit when we were both ill with chest infections as she didn't want to catch anything. That was hard. Both emotionally and physically.
I told DSis I was thinking of going to a friend's next Xmas as I felt unappreciated by DM and my son. (DM and son never buy me a present, no help cooking Xmas dinner from DS, and I feel like a servant) DSis refuses to have DM over for Xmas dinner next year.
When my car broke down, DSis suggested I just walk to the supermarket (30 mins walk away). No offer of a lift or picking stuff up.
DSis OH thinks DM is too dependent and wants her to get cleaners/meals on wheels etc which my DM doesn't want.
When I ask DSis directly for support, I am made aware of how inconvenient this is for her and how she needs to put her OH first. OH and DM do not get on.
To make matters worse, I'm visiting my Uncle twice a week as he is EOL and being supported at home by DF and other family. Emotionally, it is hard but made worse by DSis now complaining that by taking on care responsibilities, I am excluding her and making her feel bad. Big heated argument followed.
I am so tired and exhausted. My own life feels so out of control and I don't even know what my own needs are any more. I deeply resent my Dsis for opting out and leaving me with all of it. She says it was my choice but also blames me because I have a closer relationship with family. I feel so isolated and alone and I have no one to talk to about this. It's affecting me badly with very dark thoughts indeed. How do I pull myself round.
Deep sense of resentment
Houseofjoy · 26/03/2023 09:05
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