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Elderly parents

Hearing aid?

18 replies

704703hey · 25/03/2023 11:21

Mother seriously can't hear properly.

I have hyperacusis and am sick of having to scream which leaves me frazzled as I don't like shouting.

Can you just buy one online or do we need a professional?

OP posts:

PhotoTakenOnAToaster · 25/03/2023 11:23

She needs her ears checking to see if they are blocked with wax first, then she would need a hearing test. GP can refer to audiology but waiting lists are long.
If her ears are full of wax blocking sound, then a hearing aid won’t make any difference.


NotTooOldPaul · 26/03/2023 09:08

There are several places that will do free hearing checks, Boots, Specsavers and Hidden Hearing are examples. If they find that hearing aids are needed that might persuade the GP to make a referal.


MereDintofPandiculation · 26/03/2023 20:26

Have you tried simply speaking more clearly? The usual hearing loss is of higher frequencies, so they can’t hear “s” or”t” or other high pitched sounds. “Screaming” does not help, it amplifies all the sounds including the low pitched sounds that they can hear perfectly adequately and makes it even more different to decode what’s being said.


704703hey · 29/03/2023 11:26

@MereDintofPandiculation no, you are completely incorrect. Everyone has to screech to hear themselves understood and the TV is on full volume which disturbs the neighbours.

OP posts:

Tiani4 · 29/03/2023 12:11

am sick of having to scream which leaves me frazzled as I don't like shouting.

Other PP isn't incorrect OP, you must not ahout or scream at your hard of hearing mother or any hard of hearing person. You can damage what little hearing they do have

Turn TV down pr mute it and stand in hee visual line facing her when you want to talk to her. Speak slowly and clearly perhaps a little deeper than your normal voice if you have high pitched voice - make sure you don't mumbling or run words together. Don't put your hands over your mouth or face when talking

You need to take mum to GP

You can gwt private hearing texts and hearing aids some at home but it'll cost an arm and a leg - £3-5k for a one year warranty , relaxing every couple years, when nhs hearing aids are free. I already had to have one of mine replaced after 13 months


Tiani4 · 29/03/2023 12:12

... Use short sentences
Be clear

The reason people think shouting helps is as their tone changes and they speak in short sentences when enunciating your words more clearly and changing pitch works better


LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 29/03/2023 12:19

You need a professional.

I kidnapped Mum and took her to Boots for their free hearing check - she was outraged and was very selective about what she thought he’d said. Then dragged her off to the NHS where she got expensive lovely hearing aids that really worked but she WOULD NOT WEAR THEM and made such a bloody fuss because they made her feel old. She was 94. And had already broken our tv by turning it up so loud I had to leave the room.

Mumbling is a thing, and if I stood in front of her and spoke like an elocution lesson she could ‘hear’ me better, but for everyday life…AARRRGGGGGH!

She died 5 years ago and i still rant to her about her bloody hearing aids.


RosesInWater · 29/03/2023 12:40

Hearing aids were one of the best things I have ever spent money on. I have meningitis related hearing loss and struggled for years to find aids that actually worked. My poor family suffered enormously aswell, but were understanding. I kept a full time job in a senior role without aids, and honestly don't know how I ever did that! But there we are.

Anyway during Covid I was hospitalised with a serious illness. I couldn't hear anything what with masks and so on. The docs were great, they recommended an audiologist who was up to date with the latest technology and reader, I can hear now!

Such a blessing and my life is transformed thankfully. I did pay privately about £3,500. They are Phonak aids and have bluetooth so I can hear phone calls, the radio, podcasts, netflix, the TV etc. etc. through the aids. They are so comfortable that I forget I am wearing them and once or twice got in the shower with them in. Not a good idea!

Please encourage her to check out the newer hearing aids, even the NHS ones are far more up to date than previously.


FictionalCharacter · 29/03/2023 13:15

704703hey · 29/03/2023 11:26

@MereDintofPandiculation no, you are completely incorrect. Everyone has to screech to hear themselves understood and the TV is on full volume which disturbs the neighbours.

No, @MereDintofPandiculation is correct. If you could learn to speak more loudly and more clearly, using clear lip patterns, and making sure she can see you, you’d get better results than from screaming at her.

I’m hearing impaired. You’re obviously frustrated by her hearing impairment but it’s much worse for her, and it’s even more awful when people are shouting because it feels like people are angry with you and telling you off all the time. It’s absolutely horrible. Hearing loss is miserable and isolating, and a bit of compassion goes a long way.

She should have a hearing test, either NHS or private, and they will advise on hearing aids. Be aware that this will NOT solve the problem entirely. I have hearing aids and still struggle. Hearing aids do not restore normal hearing. The sound is highly processed and unnatural. They take a lot of getting used to. You’ll need to be patient with her and resist the temptation to scream at her, which is excruciating for a hearing aid user.


MereDintofPandiculation · 29/03/2023 16:00

Hearing loss is miserable and isolating and the isolation caused by poor hearing is correlated with dementia, and dealing with someone with dementia is even more frustrating than dealing with someone with hearing loss.

which is excruciating for a hearing aid user. yes, having all those low frequency sounds booming at you with being leavened by high frequency sounds.


caramac04 · 29/03/2023 16:39

DM definitely needs a check up for ear wax and/or hearing loss. I went to Specsavers who said I needed hearing aids. Went to gp and got some on nhs. I couldn’t afford private but nhs ones have helped a lot. It’s not a complete solution but my life is better for having them.
Some nhs trusts have a system whereby Specsavers provide the hearing aids rather than a hearing clinic.
Both audiologists said that using the aids can sometimes slow down the rate of hearing loss as it stimulates the auditory nerve. Use it or lose it.
Also, please please don’t try and speak to DM from another room. You probably don’t but my family do and it’s incredibly frustrating especially when I’m trying to cook dinner for everyone.
I had hearing aids under 60 years old. As in I was under 60.


704703hey · 29/03/2023 17:07

@LadyGardenersQuestionTime that sounds like this situation. She probably would refuse to wear a hearing aid as well.

She also has no compunction about screaming her head off at me her entire life so this is not just age related, she's abusive and I'm sick of it.

I'm going to write her a letter and leave it there.

OP posts:

Tiani4 · 29/03/2023 20:33

So that's a different situation isn't it OP?

You recall your mum screaming and shouting at you and now you are doing same to her

If this was just a hearing loss and hearing aid post which your first post and title indicated, you've had good advice

Whether she wears hearing aid or not even if you arrange her one- and I recommend going his nhs / GP , seems to be irrelevant, because we have explained to you how to ensure your mum can hear you better and it's not what you want to hear!
Your latest post indicates you're just frustrated with your mum and her lately hearing loss and difficulty communicating is last straw when it wouldn't be if you liked your mum

You can be angry at your mum for her past behaviour & treatment of you, but don't be angry at your mum specifically for her current disability

Some people find hearing aids- once they get them- difficult to adjust to- so that in itself isn't "being difficult" to others


704703hey · 30/03/2023 23:16

I did take on board the recommendations - she deliberately plays up with me though and I get fed up of being her punchbag and at the same time having to deal with everything. She thinks I'm inferior as I'm female.

I wish she'd make some friends or something.

OP posts:

Tiani4 · 31/03/2023 18:19

I think the issues with your mum are far more than her being hard of hearing

If would be helpful to offer to take mum to GP so they can screen her hearing and see if she needs to be assessed by audiologist for a hearing aid referral
In our area that nhs contract is with Specsavers hearing service and it's fabulous. So much better than my parents area where the hospital outpatient audiology team run it. I get my hearing aids , reviews and batteries aids very quickly & easily.

I saw a private hearing aid frk before I got my nhs hearing aids and even back then it was £5,500 for two digital hearing aids which I'd have had to keep shelling out for (they get blocked, need adjusting, are t guaranteed for long unlike nhs ones which are simply replaced. When I lost one of mine, (gnnn as covid masks kept pulling hearing aids off when you remove them..!) it cost £65 to me to replace it under nhs, not £2,750!)


Tiani4 · 31/03/2023 19:02

Also OP you don't have to fix things for your mum

If you don't feel like it, you can be busy

We all get the relationships we have made, so if mums being difficult and mean to you, it's a "hey I'm heading home now as you're being snippy, you sort it out.."

Mum will have ways of getting to appointments if she needs to as GP surgery can arrange
She can sit at home and be deaf

You can visit and not take on anything more than you want to.


704703hey · 31/03/2023 23:35

@Tiani4 thank you.

Tbh relations are a bit frayed at present so perhaps I need to take a step back. I'll write her a letter instead.

Yeoch your private hearing aid was a bit 'spensive!

OP posts:

MereDintofPandiculation · 01/04/2023 09:09

The NHS aids are good. I have 4 modes on mine, normal use, more focused for use in a crowded cafe, phone use, and link in to those hearing loops you get in theatres. They’re small and not noticeable. I mentioned them to my (adult) children, who were astonished - they’d not noticed them in three years

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