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Elderly parents

Advice needed - dm agitation anxiety and sleeplessness

9 replies

Commonsensitivity · 08/03/2023 17:15

Advice needed. I posted a while ago about my 74 year old mother who has mentally deteriorated lately. She lives 4 plus hrs by car so I can only visit occasionally unfortunately. My dad lives with her. He's basically ending up being her carer at the moment. She only sleeps every other night. On the nights she doesn't sleep she becomes very agitated for the next 24 hours.

Whenever I ring her she will not have a normal conversation with me any more
Anything I say goes back to how she isn't doing very well and how she is paying some new holistic therapist for a new treatment. She is very suspicious of doctors so my dad got her to a doctor but she came off the medication as she didn't want side effects.

She seems compus mentus, but she can't talk about much other than her anxiety and insomnia so unfortunately the conversation are very one way and unrewarding. I feel guilty in not doing more.

What could this be and how can I support without totally draining myself?
I also have a brother who lives nearer but cannot drive.

Her initial bloodwork came back fine. She is on the waiting list for cbt. She is clearly unwell though. Doesn't want to really go out of do anything much. My dad is just keeping his head above water.

OP posts:

RatherBeRiding · 08/03/2023 17:20

Sounds like she needs an assessment for possible dementia? However if she refuses to cooperate with medical input I am not sure how your dad can manage this. Might be worth you dad speaking to her GP to explain the situation and see if there is anything GP can do.


Commonsensitivity · 08/03/2023 17:24

I am thinking the D word however she won't countenance this. Its her worst nightmare. She hates the thought of ever going into a home and has drilled into me growing up never to put her into a home. I wouldn't of course unless desperate and things become unmanagable. I just know dementia is her worst nightmare so getting her assessed for it would be really difficult

OP posts:

N0tfinished · 08/03/2023 17:27

Could she have a UTI infection? They're renowned for causing dementia type symptoms in elderly people. There's not much you can do without getting her to a Dr.


Commonsensitivity · 08/03/2023 17:35

Could she have a UTI infection? They're renowned for causing dementia type symptoms in elderly people. There's not much you can do without getting her to a Dr.

I don't believe she has a UTi

OP posts:

choisia · 08/03/2023 20:02

I started a thread a couple of days ago about my mum, who has v similar symptoms. We suspect dementia - sorry.


Commonsensitivity · 08/03/2023 20:49

@choisia thanks for posting the link to your story.

This bit in particular did resonate
and more repetitive - telling stories frequently, losing things a bit more - but has also become more withdrawn and anxious, not wanting to go out much any more (having previously been fairly sociable). She's also developed terrible insomnia. I think the Covid period both exacerbated and masked some of this. My parents also moved house about 18 months ago, which was stressful but necessary.

Same situation here re covid. She initially wouldnt go out because of this but now it's become more generalised.
My mum is also 74. It's quite sad as she has a fear of loosing her faculties.

OP posts:

Marchforward · 08/03/2023 20:53

Sounds like sundowning.


Commonsensitivity · 08/03/2023 21:01

@Marchforward what is that?

OP posts:

Marchforward · 08/03/2023 22:24

Agitation and confusion, it occurs late afternoon/evenings in people with dementia.

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