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Elderly parents
Original poster

Private (visiting) carers

29 replies

WhoopItUp · 28/02/2023 08:20

Does anyone have any experience or organising carers to come in once a day to help out? I have one parent with dementia and the other is struggling to cope, especially in the morning when symptoms are worst. I keep encouraging them to get help in but there’s a lot of resistance. Does anyone know how much this costs or have any advice. They will self-fund. They were offered an NHS package of support 4x a day but I don’t think this is the right thing at this point.
TIA.

OP posts:
StopStartStop · 28/02/2023 08:24

Take the offer of 4x a day! People can't get the help they need, it isn't offered when it isn't needed. You could buy in extra if you think that's necessary.

Also, having the care offered will get your parents on the system, and might help if greater care is needed later.

Original poster
WhoopItUp · 28/02/2023 09:14

The offer of 4 visits was described as ‘short visits to help you take pills, help microwave a meal/eat it etc’ and I really don’t think that’s what they need (and neither do they). They really need a longer visit to help with the morning routine which is incredibly slow (it can take a few hours for mum to come round fully) and if someone was there it would also allow to go out to his brother’s for a bit, go to the shops etc. They already have a social worker etc.

OP posts:
RedDoughnut · 28/02/2023 09:18

Take the free care!

At least try it! Even if nothing much is needed it's a friendly face and maybe a few minutes for a shower, read the paper etc.

We used a company called Home Instead to help with MIL. Not cheap but excellent. I think they have branches all over.

You can combine the two.

Wombats23 · 28/02/2023 09:20

4 x visits is the max you can get so they must have serious needs.

Phone up the private agency & ask for what you need. It really is just that.

Getting parents to let them come is the real problem.

Mischance · 28/02/2023 09:22

I arranged care for my late OH - lots of it!

Basically you ring round the care agencies - they are all the same ones as SSD use, as SS have virtually no "in house" provision now.

See what their charges are, see what they have to offer and choose the one that best meets her needs. Things to look out for are: consistency of carers (i.e. not a different one every day), compatibility of carers, properly trained carers - look at the CQC report online. Cost - well they cost a load, and you are also paying for the agency running fees in the hourly cost. Ask each what their going rate is.

The consistency of carers is particularly important where dementia is involved.

Original poster
WhoopItUp · 28/02/2023 09:25

The 4 visits were offered when mum was in hospital last year. She has Lewy Body Dementia so her condition is very variable across the day. There are times when she’s completely herself and pottering around in the kitchen/reading the paper etc and others where she’s completely unaware of what’s going on around her (almost like she’s in a deep sleep).
I agree that getting them to get help is a huge problem. I’ve been on at them for months but without any movement from them. It’s so hard…..

OP posts:
Original poster
WhoopItUp · 28/02/2023 09:26

And thanks everyone!
I think the consistency issue is important.

OP posts:
Wombats23 · 28/02/2023 09:49

Yes, that's a very helpful post about consistency.

I've had to take a step back from trying to get help for my MiL as they don't want to know. It's very hard.

Topseyt123 · 28/02/2023 10:02

StopStartStop · 28/02/2023 08:24

Take the offer of 4x a day! People can't get the help they need, it isn't offered when it isn't needed. You could buy in extra if you think that's necessary.

Also, having the care offered will get your parents on the system, and might help if greater care is needed later.

This would be my approach too.

It is very unusual these days for that much state funded care to be offered, so take it. It will give you some peace of mind and provide the odd breather for your Dad (I assume). It might also ease them into the idea of having carers in so that they become less resistant.

You can phase in extra privately funded care as necessary at a later date.

My mother has privately funded carers three times a day to get her up and do her meals. I couldn't tell you the exact amount it costs (she self-funds). It is a lot, but if you are getting the four state funded visits a day then that would probably cut it down a fair bit.

Shellingbynight · 28/02/2023 10:10

I understand what you mean about the type of care being offered by SS not being appropriate for their needs. My mother has dementia and it would have been useless for her too. She too needed a few hours in the morning - to do the morning routine, prompt/help her to bath and dress, give her meals, take her to appointments.

I found the agency by googling 'at home dementia care + location'. They were brilliant. They used two main carers so they were familiar to my mother, and they were flexible and always went the extra mile for her.

CMOTDibbler · 28/02/2023 10:20

My parents had a private carer for many years (along side multiple times a day agency carers when there was an acute problem) and having someone consistent and flexible was absolutely crucial in keeping the two of them going. The agency staff were great, but they had 30 minutes to get mum up, dressed and fed for instance - if she was up but didn't want to dress, they wouldn't pop a washing load on or prep lunch instead. Their private carer would potter round, do a shopping list for dad to get the right things, help mum peg washing out, negotiate with mum about not wearing her pjs, tell dad to go to the barber, text me to tell me to buy mum pants and so on. She was also happy to take mum out, found a gardener/ handyman/ cleaner and knew them well enough personally to notice changes and issues

Corsica2023 · 28/02/2023 10:20

We paid £15per hour for a private carer

Limetreee · 28/02/2023 10:33

It depends how much are SS charging. We pay £20 an hour for my mum which is the subsidised down to £11 an hour because she has no savings. You could apply for direct payments, you could then choose someone yourself to help. All depends on their financial situation.

Briallen · 28/02/2023 10:35

We use home instead for my gran but it’s part funded by SS- is that possible?

cobblers123 · 28/02/2023 10:36

My dad had private care for two years before going into residential care where he is now.

They came twice a day, every day, 8-9am then 7-8pm. They cooked his breakfast, made his lunchtime sandwich and made his bed, put on washing, hung it out and later brought it in.

At night, they supervised his shower, made a cup of tea for him and importantly, always chatted to him, he loved having them come in.

They also went over their allotted time on several occasions when he was unwell and ambulance was called. It wasn't cheap but it was worth it to him as they were excellent.

the families I know who had NHS package were not impressed and one cancelled them as they were not doing anything for the client, just filling in client care info then leaving.

DuvetDownn · 28/02/2023 10:42

I disagree about accepting the free four visits per day. I had a similar thing with my DM but it was three visitors per day and it massively backfired. She was on edge all day wondering when they were going to visit and we ended up with two years of no carers and daily visits falling to me and my sibling after she kept refusing them entry and got verbally abusive to them.
I actually used to work as a private carer who would do the tasks the OP wants. The advantages are consistency. The massive disadvantage is no one carer can cover every day 52 weeks a year.
I would suggest going to a care agency and asking for a one hour mid morning call and see how that goes.

Ilovetocrochet · 28/02/2023 10:46

We also used Home Instead for my mum with dementia who lived on her own. We made sure one of us ( three siblings) were with mum for a couple of hours every day to make sure she ate at least one decent meal but we needed a break especially at weekends. We paid £26 an hour two years ago, mum had a visit for two hours between 12 and 2 pm from one of two regular carers. They helped mum get dressed if she was still in her dressing gown, prepared a meal ( usually by heating up something we had cooked), went for a walk or watched some tv then left a sandwich ready for her tea.

Mum was resistant to the idea of care but I was able to persuade her by saying the carers were friends of mine who were just popping in for a visit and gradually mum thought they were her friends and had always helped her!

Streamside · 28/02/2023 10:55

I visit vulnerable people as part of my work and many families use the funded carers to just check in on their relatives, perhaps give them a cup of tea or a preprepared meal or sandwich. They often pay for other carers to do the lengthier work.
In my area the career sessions are only 15 minutes long so not very much can be done.I visit an elderly lady who refuses to use a keysafe and the carers report that 5 minutes of their 15 is taken up getting her to come to the door.
Would direct payments be an option for you?

cobblers123 · 28/02/2023 11:07

My dad also had Home Instead. Excellent care and would recommend.

Original poster
WhoopItUp · 28/02/2023 12:47

Thanks so much everyone. There’s lots of food for thought.

They are comfortably off so can afford private care and I’m still thinking that this would be better for them. I can see having multiple, short NHS visits would be useful if somebody’s living on their own but mum doesn’t need someone to give her a sandwich or help with her medicine as Dad can do that. I actually think it’s really more about giving him a break and he desperately needs it. Mum was never sociable and she absolutely doesn’t want anyone coming in but it’s either that or a care home as I don’t think Dad can cope much longer.
I’m going to check out Home Instead now.

OP posts:
RunTowardsTheLight · 28/02/2023 12:55

My PILs have recently sold their house and bought a 'retirement living' flat. There is optional (paid for) care available, and it's flexible so you can arrange whatever hours you need and change it if your needs change. I know a lot of elderly people dislike this idea, and want to stay in the family home, but honestly it has been great for my PILs - so much easier. From our point of view (me and DH), the bonus is that the duty manager will organise replacement care if a carer is off sick or leaves, rather than us having to sort it out. There's high turnover in the care sector, so this is really valuable.

Bridgeth29 · 28/02/2023 13:12

I very much doubt the care offered was free. Almost everyone pays towards their care. If your mum has over £23,250 she will be self funding but social services can still organise. I would say if she has an allocated social worker to talk to them about if longer morning visits can be arranged instead of 4x per day if that is what would help them both.

Lorrymum · 28/02/2023 13:16

You could ask for a Direct Payment budget From SS. The care offered is given a monitory value and you can buy in the care you feel is more appropriate. Have a look on your council website for information

Badger1970 · 28/02/2023 13:26

I used to work for a private care company, and we did a lot of visits like this. Visits would average 2 hours, usually later on in the morning to allow for washing and dressing, then encouraging up/tablets etc. And it more often than not was to give the "carer" some respite so they could go shopping, get out the house for 2 hours.

We had 4 funded visits a day for my Dad before he passed away and honestly most of them were a complete waste of their time and Dad's. Different carers most days, didn't know him or his routine, and because he had liver cancer that flooded his brain with toxins, he wouldn't know what to tell them.

FinallyHere · 28/02/2023 13:29

We had good experience with HomeInstead, as mentioned up thread. Then Countty cousins when live in care was required.

Good luck.