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Elderly parents

Mum wont come out of room in Carehome

27 replies

Poppy61 · 25/02/2023 16:49

Mum moved into a carefully chosen care/nursing home at the beginning of this month. We looked at all other options of caring for mum before coming to the inevitable decision.
She dosent want to be there, but is not able to live on her own. She has early to mid Alzhiemer's/Dementia; is disabled; has had quite a few falls and has other health issues. The staff are lovely and trying to help her integrate, as are we. There are trips out; activities. She now won't come out of her room, says she is lonely and bored (I know this is partly the dementia; partly character) and says she can't be bothered to talk to anyone. I'm not able to reason with her, partly because of the dementia, but also because she has always been a proud and stubborn woman and rarely listened to anything I've had to suggest in the past. She is lovely in all other ways and still has her sense of humour. Everyone says she will settle, but I am not so sure.

My question is: has anyone else been in this particular situation with a relative not coming out of room, not wanting to make friends etc. I understand all the reasons why this might be happening, but need to know if the situation rectified itself with time, or what actions you took, which helped. Thank you, I am at my wits end!

OP posts:
7notrumps · 18/03/2023 05:22

MrsFezziwig · 18/03/2023 01:56

I’m intending to write a directive that if I have to go into care I want to be allowed to stay in my room most of the time. I live alone and most of the time I’m quite happy pottering about by myself, so I really can’t imagine why anyone would think it would be fun for me to spend the majority of my declining years in a chaotic room full of strangers watching a TV programme I haven’t chosen.

Recent experience of loved ones in care homes had set me to thinking about all this enforced socialising. It doesn’t suit everyone and I know I’d hate it. There are folk that crave company and others who are happy being left in peace.

I find the notion of not being able to retreat to my own private space quite horrific.

Thank you for your post @MrsFezziwig . I shall be adding such a directive to the letter of wishes attached to my will.

EmmaEmerald · 18/03/2023 11:10

MrsFezziwig · 18/03/2023 01:56

I’m intending to write a directive that if I have to go into care I want to be allowed to stay in my room most of the time. I live alone and most of the time I’m quite happy pottering about by myself, so I really can’t imagine why anyone would think it would be fun for me to spend the majority of my declining years in a chaotic room full of strangers watching a TV programme I haven’t chosen.

Exactly! Also, mum wandered the corridors with her zimmer to get some movement (it was freezing outside) and she said, "of course the people seem lovely but it's so depressing to talk to them". I agree. When I had a chat with some in the lounge, I felt that too.

two days the staff said "can you persuade your mum into the dining room" - why? Like eating lunch at school but much worse. I realise it makes it easier for the staff but so depressing.

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