Is this the start of dementia?

[KittensSchmittens]

We're starting to worry about my mother (74) and wondering whether we should contact the GP.

Things that are new/out of character:

She seems to have developed an absolutely rigid daily routine which she never deviates from. It’s very specific and involves doing, and eating the exact same things every day in the same order.

She says the same stock phrases at the same points in the day e.g. when she sees the dog in the morning it's 'good morning, are you being a good dog, be patient, I'll take you for a walk later'. Same phrase, same time every day.

She doesn’t engage in much back and forth conversation, it’s mostly broadcasting information relating to her routine, the dog or the weather. She will tell the same anecdotes over and over. The same reminiscence will be triggered by a specific topic e.g. if we mention the pub it will trigger ‘the pub anecdote’. She has a number of these.

She forgets the words for things (she just now called dumbbells ‘lifting tools’, which was a bit alarming). We've also had 'the stuff for washing your hands' (soap, mum). Yesterday my son had a friend over and she asked what the friend’s name was 3 times in 10 mins.

She wears the same 2 or 3 outfits, eats the same breakfast, rotation of 3 lunches and 5 dinners every day. She doesn't cook at all, only microwave or oven meals.

Every evening she repeatedly shouts the same same line of a made up song over and over every 30 secs for up to an hour while she's making the dogs dinner and making her own dinner.

She's developed a nervous laugh at the start and end of every sentence. Laughing is the main form of response if she's not sure how to react e.g. the kids show her something random instead of going 'oh that's nice billy' or whatever she'll just laugh. It's just constant giggling.

We have to talk in very short, clear sentences to make ourselves understood, otherwise she'll interrupt and redirect the conversation back to her daily routine/dog info/the weather.

She only watches the news, Pointless and music on the tv, nothing with a storyline to follow. She watches these 3 programmes everyday in the same order.

Her broadcasting of information is very good, so talking to her she seems quite normal and she can do small talk as long as she's dominating the conversation, but I'm wondering if this is a cover for the fact she isn't following what we're saying.

Is this likely to be the start of dementia, just mild cognitive impairment or just how people get when they age? Do we call the GP and see if they can get her in for a check up.

Today a group of my mother's friends have banded together to let me know that they're worried about her change in behaviour and her driving. She apparently got lost on the way to a social event and arrived incredibly late, thankfully in one piece.

Ideally she would just stick to local, familiar routes, but she refuses and is now planning a 3 hour motorway drive to see friends. I'm terrified she's going to kill someone.

There doesn't seem to be an established route for reporting concerns - the GP isn't interested and the DVLA will only investigate reports if they are related to a medical condition and she doesn't have a diagnosis of anything. She won't listen to me and she's not yet at the stage where I can just hide the car keys and she'll forget about it. I'm not sure what people do in this situation.

Hi, I've worked as a senior carer for 6 years+ specialising in dementia care. It does sound like it could be a possibility.
I would definitely take her to a GP and if you can please get a urine sample to take with you. I don't know if you knew but UTI can be brutal in elderly people and make them act out of character and strange.

You could try speaking to the police about the driving not sure if they can help as you don't want her to get in trouble but you also don't want her to cause a accident. My dad has dementia and it's heart breaking.

You can report someone anonymously on the DVLA website. In that you can give all the information and worries that you have.

Do you know the friends well enough to talk to them about how worried you are about her driving?

My husband has dementia and at the moment has a UTI and I can't believe what it has turned him into - he is horrendous, threw food on the floor twice yesterday, tells me I am trying to kill him and in his words his dinner - smells like shit - when normal he says how much he enjoyed it. Today it was take that muck away are you trying to poison me. I knew nothing about UTI's until I had to speak to the doctor to tell him what was going on. Hopefully it will end soon as the medication is finished today as I have had no sleep for a few nights and am exhausted but he sleeps all day.
Re the car, let a couple of the tyres down and say nobody is available to blow them up. Thankfully my husband chose to give up as he was frightened by a near miss he had and I said he was a danger to himself.
Hopefully you can get something sorted soon.

Yes, check for UTIs.

Report it to the police, I guess, at least you can later say you did what you could. Eye sight test too, for cataracts - I know it's not dementia but if she has bad eyesight it won't help.

Definitely not a UTI, she's been like this for at least a year. She has regular eye tests - seems to have glaucoma, but she says it's not serious.

She probably needs a hearing test but won't go for one.

Undo the battery. ‘Oh it’s not starting’ ‘mechanic can come out next week’

You have my absolute sympathy. It’s a fucker.

When my DF had Alzheimers over 20 years ago we took his car keys away - explained why - then removed the car. He thought the car was in the local garage getting fixed for a while and then just seemed to forget about it - so you can do it.

In case anyone is searching threads for signs of dementia in their elderly relatives and comes across this thread, the answer to my initial question was 'yes'. DM has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, which took about 9 months from the point that I contacted the GP about our concerns and about 1 year and 3 months from the time I noticed something was seriously up.

Sorry to hear that @KittensSchmittens . Just read the thread. (My own DM has hearing issues and is generally cantankerous but still otherwise with it, I think, but I saw a rapid decline in my auntie, her sister).
Hoping the official diagnosis affords you some practical help.

Have you claimed attendance allowance- with a diagnosis it should be very quick.

Thank you for the update. I'm sorry your fears were confirmed. Have you read the book Contented Dementia by Oliver James? It is brilliant at helping understand the condition and how you can best support a loved one with it.

Thank @bluejelly I'll have a look for that one. It's very American but I've been watching Teepa Snow videos which are helping me tap in to my inner empathy.

I'm not sure about applying for attendance allowance until I can sort out access for myself to DM's bank accounts as she'll just literally hand it over to the first scammer who asks her.

We're trying to get POA registered now. Obviously won't be quick, but the forms are all signed.

There are medications that can help, also memory clinic.

“In a study that tracked 639 adults for nearly 12 years, Johns Hopkins expert Frank Lin, M.D., Ph. D., and his colleagues found that mild hearing loss doubled dementia risk. Moderate loss tripled risk, and people with a severe hearing impairment were five times more likely to develop dementia.” Father in law has the start of dementia and he’s been deaf for years- refuses help.

Thanks for the update. I'm really sorry about your mum. Would you mind me asking how things have progressed in the year since you first posted, in terms of how your mum is? I have some similar concerns about my own DM and would be interested to hear how things have developed. Is she needing outside care yet, or still managing?

@tobyj it's been a fairly slow decline, she's sort of the same but worse! Her routine is exactly the same as it was this time last year, but even more rigid. Last year she was able to manage small deviations from the routine, but now if she can't do something at the 'right' time, she'll obsess about it and can't move on until she can do the thing.

She's still managing everyday tasks herself. She shops for herself and makes her own simple meals - nothing with complicated steps, but she can put something in the oven. She eats the same thing everyday.

She doesn't shower much anymore and only wears a couple of sets of clothes everyday, but she can dress herself.

She can only hold very limited interactions on specific topics - no real conversation anymore. If you dig a bit below the surface of her 'automatic conversation' it's clear that she has no idea what you're talking about and no recollection of important personal life events.

She's forgetting to turn off taps/cooker etc more often now, so we have to keep an eye on things like that a lot more.

Oddly she seems quite happy, probably more cheerful and amenable than she has been for years.

I

I’m very sorry. Sounds exactly like my mum in the middle stages, especially the happiness (contentment). I’d forgotten that. Make you sure look after yourself, due to the gradual decline, you can creep into a significant caring role slowly.

Now she has a diagnosis, she may be eligible for reduced Council Tax. Speak to the Council

Thanks @KittensSchmittens . I'm glad the decline hasn't been too precipitous, but it still sounds very hard. My DM is still a good way behind yours, but I definitely recognise some similar traits and fear she might ultimately be on the same trajectory.

If you believe your mother is vulnerable to scammers because of her state of mind - I believe you can take over her bank accounts completely - they no longer have access - once you have power of attorney. That’s what a bank employee told me.

If it came to that in my case it would mean taking over lots of different accounts 🙄

If it came to that in my case it would mean taking over lots of different accounts But you could then rationalise them.

My DF, 80, has a diagnosis of Mild Cognitive Decline.

It started with short term memory loss & confusion, and then with the stock phrases & conversation topics.

He is blind so my DM does all the cooking cleaning etc. so we don't know how it would affect those areas.
But being blind, the short term memory loss is a real blow as the blind rely on their short term memory!