Evening all. I apologise but this is long and I could do with some advice....
When my poor father was young, his catholic dad made him go to a boarding school where he was abused by nuns. I don't know the specifics. After he left school at 15 his dad died and he lived with his mum. Following this he met my mum and had my brother and me. When I was 11, his mum died. I understand that he and his mum never ever spoke about what happened when he was a child but when she died he suffered the first of what would total ten complete nervous breakdowns. At one point during these he had to be sectioned and removed from the house while screaming that he was a dog called Stanley and just wanted to be with other dogs. It was deeply disturbing and although I was so young I still remember it.
His mental breaks would make him leave the house at all hours. He would go missing for days. The police would be out, helicopters, his photo on the news and everything. He would be found, be hospitalised, then have a short stay at a mental health unit, be discharged with a short course of therapy.
During these episodes he never ever remembered what made him leave the house, or where he went. He always just said the "voices" got too much. Despite years of therapy, he has never actually said what is haunting him. Sometimes he says that people are following him or posting about him online (he does not have a smartphone or internet access).
This went on for years until finally he stablised in around 2011.
Then two years ago it started all over again. My poor mother is a wreck. He went missing for some days two years ago and I rushed home to be with her and so did my brother. He was found, hospitalised, and my brother and I had to fight to put a mental health care plan in place.
The issue is, he is dutifully visited by MH professionals but every single fucking time, all he will talk about is the books and TV and films he loves. He will never speak about whatever trauma befell him, just that he was abused by the nuns, one nun in particular. Following several visits where he waxes lyrical about books and films, the MH team discharge him because he presents as "recovered." We can tell them that this is his pattern until we are blue in the face but they say there is nothing more they can do if he won't speak about how he feels. I don't know how to get anyone to listen to us.
Three weeks ago he tried to commit suicide. There are over 50 cuts on his wrists and arms. My mother walked in on him and said he was staring straight ahead as he moved the knife over his skin like it wasn't really him. She called an ambulance, my brother and I rushed down, he was hospitalised.
He will hopefully soon be moved to a MH unit. But my question is, is this his/my life forever until he dies? Can some things not be fixed? Is there a way to get him to talk about his experiences? My mother is going to have a breakdown herself if she has to endure much more of this.
There never seem to be any triggers for him. There is often no warning of episodes. His meds have been reviewed and changed multiple times but it never stops.
He is 72 now and this could go on for another 20 years, and writing this I cannot explain how much I dread that.
I don't know what I want from this but if you have read this far, thankyou.