Coming up to the time when Mum may need to come into care

[Sucessinthenewyear]

I’ve posted on this board a few times under different names. My Mum has MS, COPD and heart failure. She can walk a few meters in the house on a zimmer frame. October time we had a massive crisis when both my Dad, her main carer m, and Mum caught covid and ended up in hospital. My Dad who is mid 70s and has heart failure too actually ended up more ill than Mum and after a lot of tears and tantrums from parents my Mum went into private respite for just under 2 weeks - my parents tried to stage a break out.

Now Mum has had another chest infection, antibiotics finished a week ago and physical she is on the mend but is much weaker, sleeping from 6 in evening so wakes to use the commodo at night - she needs help to walk at this time so Dad insists that she shouldn’t walk to the toilet. I think my Dad is essential lifting her. They have increased carers from morning to morning, lunchtime and evening but they see this as a short term thing. They have a lady who cleans for them. My Dad is struggling, Mum always needs the loo when the carers aren’t there, she does try when they are there but can’t go (urine retention issues due to MS). They certainly won’t be happy with a care home but I’ve said today to Dad that he won’t be able to continue with this much longer and there will come a time soon (I suspect they are there now) when one person alone isn’t enough to look after Mum and care home or a full time live in carer would be the only option.

I’m scared, feeling inadequate and at a loss. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom please?

I would be quite concerned about your Dad in this situation, he already has heart issues and could end up very ill.
I would try and persuade them to increase the number of times carers come each day and perhaps look into the possibility of having a sleep-in carer too.
i had an uNcle and aunt in almost the same situation with my uncle doing all the care for my aunt who had MS. Sadly he had a heart attack and died, it appears it was too much for him.

But at least your DPs are getting some help and may be open to getting more. My relatives would not.

Thanks. It’s my Dad who is my biggest worry in this. They have been very resistant to care. The morning carer only started after my Mum broke her hip. I may suggest over night carers to them and see how they feel about that. They don’t want to spend their money on it and instead have relied on my sister and I do stuff which has caused issues between my sister and I because I push back.