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Elderly parents

Really confused if DF has dementia or not

7 replies

Frazzledmummy123 · 18/01/2023 10:07

I know the best person to ask is a doctor or medical professional, but just wanted to ask on here to see what people think as many of you will have experience of dementia.

DF is 85 and lives with my mum (who is more able than him in many ways, mobility, etc). I've posted about this before as there is a long history of denial. I am working on getting him to see his gp.

I really don't know what to think as in some ways there are a few 'red flags' for dementia, however he has been having these confusions for about 4 years now, and aside from becoming ever so slightly more regular recently, they aren't dramatically worse which makes me question it. Henalso has an underacrive thyroid which I know the forgetfulness can be mistaken for dementia sometimes.

Can anyone give me their opinion.... (I will speak to his gp myself butnfor now, I'd appreciate anyone's thoughts).

Reasons I think he could have dementia:

Confusing memories with me as a baby with memories with my son who is now 10.
He thought it was Christmas Eve on 18th December.
He used to be able to operate a mobile phone and tv recorder, can no longer do this.
He thought it was October in middle of March last year (he did this 4 years agontoo).
Regularly gets what day it is confused (he is quite inactive with not much routine so this one could be because of that).
He told me he hadn't seen an episode of a programme a week before which we'd had a full conversation about.
On New Years Day he forgot that DH had been with them on Christmas Day.
At Christmas, he gave my mum a card saying Thinking of You card not a Christmas card.

Reasons why I question it:
He can talk about factual things 100% accurately.
He never forgets what's currently in the news, and can have full and detailed discussions about it.
He remembers his old friend's offspring's names accurately.
General info, very accurate about in conversations.
His confusions tend to only happem when in the house and sitting in his chair all day not doing anything. When outside (eg: out for a meal for someone's birthday) he is totally fine.

Thanks in advance.

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MereDintofPandiculation · 18/01/2023 10:32

On the Alzheimers Soc website there’s a little table comparing normal age related decline with dementia.

I wouldn’t worry about getting days confused but I would worry about confusing March with October. Is it a confusion of the name of the month or the time of the year? - ie does he know it’s spring but calls it October, or does he think it’s autumn?

I’d worry about the phone, ie losing every day skills.

A thinking of you card could be quite appropriate for Christmas, maybe it was near the Christmas cards, and he saw the sentiment and thought “that’s what I want to say”

From your last point, it looks like he needs to get out more. Spend more time in social interaction.

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countrygirl99 · 18/01/2023 10:42

Could be or maybe not. Could be bored/stuck in a rut/ same routine every day.
Until very recently my mum, who has alzheimers, would seem fine, just a bit repetitive, on social occasions or things like hairdresser appointments. Especially if non-family members were present. But afterwards she would be utterly exhausted as it took all her energy.
Even now she can seem really lucid in the moment and if you didn't know she was conflating 2 or 3 events over a number of years into one or had got facts totally wrong you would think she was really with it. But a few weeks ago she was telling me all about an antarctic cruise she and dad went on. Sounded really real, except I know she has never been on one and had been watching Blue Planet.
Looking back the first sign was her stopping using Facebook, emails, Internet shopping as "they are making it more complicated now".

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Frazzledmummy123 · 18/01/2023 11:21

Thank you both for your thoughts.

@MereDintofPandiculation thanjs for signposting me to the Alzheimer Soc website, I'll have a look. When DF thought March was November, it wasn't that he said the wrong month, my DD'S birthday is November and he said it will be their birthday next month and asked what we are doing for it (I'd mentioned something about her having a November birthday just before). I pointed out it is March and he seemed startled at first but then laughed it off that he thought it was October.

@countrygirl99 your mum sounds the same as my dad in that if you didn't know, he seems very lucid in the moment, ans not visibly confused if you didn't know. You mentioned the first indication was stopping using the internet? That is something with DF which makes me think there is potential dementia. However, he can still put the laptop on to look at photos he has saved, and can operate other electrical equipment such as TV, etc.

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countrygirl99 · 18/01/2023 12:04

Mum still plays solitaire on her tablet. It's all she uses it for now. When the doctor asked her what she does she told him she spends a lot of time on the computer. Wierdly she will remember Facebook posts from years back and phone my brother to give him he'll for not inviting her to a lunch with his adult DC that was about 4 years and she wasn't away on holiday. He's had grief about that a few times over the last year. She forgot her Facebook password about 3 years ago and hasn't used it since.

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Frazzledmummy123 · 18/01/2023 12:41

countrygirl99 · 18/01/2023 12:04

My dad can remember things very clearly from years ago, but not recently. They say that with both dementia and old age memory loss, it is the recent memories which start to go first.

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Mumoftwo367743 · 03/05/2023 04:11

I am just so worried about my father.

So recently, he has been repeating himself a lot.. he repeats the same thing over and over again. He is 61 years old turning 62 this year.

For example today he told me to make an appointment and he kept asking if I made the appointment when I told him that I can’t. He called me again at work and asked if I made the appointment and I told him again that I couldn’t make the appointment. I don’t know if it’s just age related or maybe something else.

He also has been acting very out of character. He has been arguing a lot when he is not like this and has done things which is not even him.

Sometimes we’d ask him if he would like some food he would say no I’m fine I’m not hungry then later he would say why didn’t you make me food? And we are all confused because he already has said he isn’t hungry.

could this be something?

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MereDintofPandiculation · 03/05/2023 09:31

could this be something? I t could be something, but not necessarily dementia.
Get him to the GP, who will probably start by doing blood tests.

If your dad isn’t amenable to going to GP, you can write to GP with your concerns, although the GP won't be able to communicate with you without your dad’s permission