Is all care just "palliative" from here?

[Dustyblue]

I've just been reading through this section on MN; my heart is literally heaving for what you've all been through.

My FIL is 80, vascular dementia, we had to intervene (his partner was in denial) and bring him down to us from another state (we're in Oz).

He's had a rapid decline and is now mentally gone, no idea who anyone is. We did the usual things of putting up family pictures with name-labels to remind him- he can't recognise his wedding picture or say who his children are. You get the idea.

He's had a catheter in place for over 6 weeks now, and they don't seem to want to do anything about it. He's had urinary problems for years, wouldn't be surprised if he has prostate cancer. They won't even do a PSA blood test to check.

Am I right in thinking they're just trying to keep him eating, moving and comfortable? Is that why the doctors don't bother?

Not that I'd want him put through extensive treatment, no point, but is that why the staff are moving so slowly?

Nasty fucking disease this is.

PSA if significantly raised would mean prostate cancer. Not necessarily that you would treat but if he developed a lot of pain it would be a useful pointer to help type of pain control etc.

My mum died of/with vascular dementia - she had a catheter for the last 8 months of her life. It’s not unusual.

Im so sorry - it’s a grim disease 😢.

My dad died with (of?) Vascular Dementia (frailty of old age on the certificate). He’d had his pacemaker battery changed about 4 months beforehand. I did not have health POA so could not stop that but I did query with the consultant how bad he’d have to be before they wouldn’t do it (answer: certainly bedbound would be needed). I knew my Dad would have opted not to have it done. Anyway, at some point in the process he punched the surgeon. Apparently this is not uncommon.

The progress of his Vascular Dementia had quite large steps and was more rapid than I understand Alzheimers is. There were 14 months between a sudden downturn (that took him from walking miles each day to wheelchairbound, incontinent and confused) to his death.

Thanks all. He has a urology appointment at the local hospital in a few weeks for an ultrasound. DH will accompany him so we'll see how that goes.

His mental state seems to have settled a bit- he remembers no-one until they're in front of him, but has been moved out of the high-care/secure ward. Is eating more etc.

Main thing now is he gets scared. I guess b/c he doesn't understand what's going on at times. Do they give anti-anxiety medication at this stage? I don't see why they shouldn't. Risk of addiction isn't a concern surely.

Thanks all again for your replies. About to go take him a few litres of Lipton's Iced Tea, he's loving it at the moment.