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Elderly parents

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Original poster

DF, dementia and mobility

14 replies

LaBelleSauvage123 · 09/01/2023 07:35

DF, in a nursing home, has lost the ability to bear weight independently and needs staff and a frame to help him stand. This is partly due to falls, muscle wastage from not moving and also, I believe, his dementia which seems to disrupt the signals between his brain and limbs. He is incredibly frustrated at his lack of independence and keeps trying to stand on his own. The staff tell him not to. He gets upset. Yesterday, which was a fairly lucid day, he spent the whole time I was there talking about how he feels ‘psychologically and physically trapped’. He constantly forgets he can’t walk and thinks staff are being ‘risk averse’.

I don’t think a motorised wheelchair or scooter would be allowed because of his dementia. I took him for a wheelchair tour round the building yesterday but staff don’t always have time for that. We could get in touch with the physio again but tbh I’m not sure he will ever be able to walk safely again.

Not sure there’s any solution but would be grateful for thoughts.

OP posts:

MereDintofPandiculation · 09/01/2023 08:26

He would probably find it surprisingly difficult to remember how to use a motorised scooter or wheelchair.

Every person is different, but now my father is bed-bound, his needs have reduced to being warm, comfortable and fed, and he is content in a way that he wasn’t up to about a year ago

Mum5net · 09/01/2023 12:45

The physio discussion idea is a good one and most obvious place to start.
A few things to try but not holding out huge hope.
In the care homes my DM was in there were frequent instances when another resident died the family donated any owned wheel chairs or mobile appliances to the home, even big recliner chairs. Could you ask the staff if he could 'try out' anything else just to see if there was an option? Also we had an elderly mobility shop nearby and the staff in there were great. A nearby shop might lend or hire you items to try out. Also look on Gumtree. Loads of unwanted stair lifts on ours so there might be scooters. Not easy, OP.

thesandwich · 09/01/2023 12:58

Could you pay for an agency carer to go in and take him for a wander in the wheelchair?
worth physio visiting just to help him feel he is doing something and perhaps retain strength to transfer into wheelchair?

SheilaFentiman · 09/01/2023 13:11

Physio is a good idea

SheilaFentiman · 09/01/2023 13:33

It will help retain muscle strength for eg eating, washing.

Original poster

LaBelleSauvage123 · 09/01/2023 23:12

Yes I think we need to get the physio back in. A few months ago he was walking with a stick - his decline in mobility has been so fast.

OP posts:

rwalker · 09/01/2023 23:28

Been there
we accepted it as part of the decline the main think is to keep him safe
tbh encouraging him to walk isn’t going to keep him safe next thing a fall broke hip or something would finish him off

as for physio we tried u it once they said there was no point as there was no engagement from my dad . I have to admit they were right

Original poster

LaBelleSauvage123 · 11/01/2023 09:15

I know what you mean about encouraging him to walk being more risky - but I do think it would be better for his mental health. He is still engaging with professionals - he still has enough mental capacity to be able to be polite to people he doesn’t know.

OP posts:

PermanentTemporary · 12/01/2023 19:12

Tbh my background feeling was 'how is this hell ever going to end if you wont let them fall?'

What is 'safe'? Why is that more important than maximising his freedom and letting him fall more, understanding that he will die sooner? Its true that a fall, hip fracture, hospital stay etc is no fun (this has recently happened to my aunt and it's pretty awful) but what is 3 years sitting in a chair like? Is that ok?

Get the physio in. And have a proper palliative rehab discussion with the team if you can.

BeyondMyWits · 12/01/2023 19:21

If it is vascular dementia this is unfortunately what happens over time. Loss of ability to walk, to lift arms etc ... MIL is in the middle stages, today is the most mobile she will be for the rest of her life... tomorrow will be slightly worse... she has "thankfully" also developed alzheimers so does not realise it.

Original poster

LaBelleSauvage123 · 13/01/2023 08:40

Permanenttemporary my dad said something like this the other day. He said he’d thought about falling and breaking his ankles so he could go to hospital ‘then at least I’d get out of here’ 😞

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tappinginto2023 · 13/01/2023 08:57

My DF has vascular dementia, in a care home. It's a horrible part of life and I don't see any reason to avoid the risk of a fall which might shorten his life, in fact we hope for that. He would be at peace then.

Original poster

LaBelleSauvage123 · 13/01/2023 09:02

The more I read the more I think you’re right. I’ll try to contact the physio today.

OP posts:

Original poster

LaBelleSauvage123 · 24/01/2023 22:49

Update. Physio came today ( I wasn’t there) and has apparently recommended removing the frame from dads line of sight so he doesn’t try to walk, and said that he needs two members of staff with him at all times when he’s standing. What this means in practice is that he’ll sit in a chair all day because they don’t have the staff to help him. They already ignore him when he asks to go to the loo and seem to think because hes wearing pads it doesn’t matter if he goes while he’s sitting in the chair. Meanwhile he is getting more and more bored and frustrated.

OP posts:

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