Mum 83 refuses care home but what are the options?

[Bananasinpyjamas21]

My mum is adamant that she never wants to go into a care home. However she has severe COPD which means she now gets breathless going up the stairs and cannot even make it to the bus stop anymore. She lives on her own, my sister lives near but she is very busy with work and kids and won’t be able to provide care.

I live too far to provide daily care, but would be able to if she moved in with me, but she doesn’t want to move (sister is her favourite child!).

I want to respect her wishes and help her, and my sister, by doing whatever I can. Am looking into carers in the home, attendance allowance and home mobility aids. There is very little care for her from NHS. I’m just worried there will be an emergency like her going into hospital, and either my sister will say she can look after her (but she cant’ really) or she will go into a care home without any time to even look into this. I want to be prepared. Any advice?

Hospices are for very short term and Specialist care only.

They run on the basis of a stay of 14 days or less.

If you stabilise but can't manage at home they will move you on to a care home.

Is there a dedicated housing scheme near you? We have a block of flats near me where each flat is set up with call pulls, wet rooms etc, there is a warden on site 24/7 & things like a social lounge, a cafe, library & hairdressers. They aren't cheap but would be cheaper than a care home.

I agree,if stairs are an issue then look into a stair lift.

Tbh I think every one just deals with things when the time comes, you can't really plan ahead as no one knows what the actual issue/emergency/crisis will be.

We paid for something called the Guardian Home Care System. My mum refused to go in a home but I wanted peace of mind that she would be ok living by herself. I think the company was called Whzan or something or other! It's excellent as me and her grandsons can monitor her through an app to check she hasn't fallen and is eating etc. It's changed our lives!

Sometimes their needs have to trump their ‘wants’ and there may well come a time when 24/7 care really is needed.

If a person still has capacity, however, they are legally entitled to refuse, and in such a case you can only wait for some sort of crisis to occur.

Live-in care is an option, but again, the person has to accept it. We looked into it for an elderly aunt of dh, but TBH it worked out even more expensive than a nice care home (I don’t mean the most expensive) , particularly as help was needed during the night, which would have meant more than one carer on shifts.
Plus of course you have all the usual expenses of running a home on top.

She did move to a care home eventually, but it was a long and stressful battle for my poor dh to get her to accept that by then it was the only option.