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Elderly parents

DF possibly suicidal

1 reply

SchrodingersKitty · 20/12/2022 18:37

My DF (85) who has had two arterial replacements to deal with blockages in his legs over the past decade has now been told that he will need his foot / lower leg amputated in the next six months. Although he was really expecting this news he is understandably very upset. He feels he cannot cope with amputation - either the long recover or the life-style adjustments - and seems to be seriously contemplating suicide.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting. I do believe in the individual's right not to have to live with debilitating conditions and to make one's own decisions about quality of life, but he is very resistant to considering that he might be able to cope, that an advanced prosthetic and adaptations to his car might make his life bearable for some time. He was already very depressed because of continual pain from ulcers and other leg issues (almost certainly caused by insufficient blood flow).

I looked at Dignitas and their criteria would not seem to consider an amputation of sufficient gravitas to legally warrant their assisted dying help. I'm very worried about what he might do.

I recently experienced the death of my DH of brain cancer and his stoicism and resolve in the face of unimaginable horror means that perhaps I am not feeling as sympathetic as I might to my dad's attitude.

Any advice would be really helpful.

OP posts:
DrSmoot · 20/12/2022 19:42

Is he on medication for his depression? I would have thought it would be a relief to have an amputation and get rid of the pain so I’m struggling how you could help him tbh. Is there a social prescriber in his area? They may be able to point him in the direction for support. It would be great if there were older amputees nearby that he could maybe chat to and see that life with one leg isn’t a dire as he fears. Maybe you could make contact with someone for advice from the horses mouth so to speak?
amputationfoundation.org/amputees/amputee-support-groups/
Sorry, I have no idea what else to suggest.
I’m sorry for your loss Flowers I’m not surprised you don’t feel as sympathetic as you might. DH has Stage 4 cancer & it is hard to hear people considerably better off not helping themselves, putting effort in or not making the most of things. However, I once heard someone say ‘your next door neighbour may have broken his foot, but it’s your own big toe that’s hurting’. Your dad can’t help how he feels about it and depression really is terrible to live with. I hope he does start to feel more positive about it all though.

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