Help! What do we do?

[Firecat84]

Looking for advice from anyone with any experience of this! Total nightmare situation and we don't know what to do.

My MIL has dementia and is unable to look after herself. My FIL is her sole carer. He's just been taken to hospital with pneumonia. We're 200 miles away and have covid (and an ill toddler and 4mo). My partner doesn't drive and there are train strikes. They have one very kind neighbour currently looking after MIL but she's got a vulnerable child of her own to look after. PIL have no care set up. We've spoken to social services and they're doing an assessment but I have no idea how long that takes. Does anyone have any ideas of how we can get them some help quickly?

Oh and don't get me started on why they don't have some back up care in place 🤯

Phone adult social care and explain she is vulnerable and there is no one to look after her.
They will try and find emergency respite in a care home but trust me that can take a while, care is in absolute crisis at the moment

Have you spoken to social services today, now, and explained the situation? Stated clearly she can't look after herself and is at risk of harm?

You can’t leave her with a kindly neighbour who already has a disabled child; that’s completely taking the mickey. Your partner will have to phone social services and ask for an urgent place to be found in a care home, and preferably find a way of getting there to help out. You simply cannot leave this neighbour stranded with her.

Adult social care, make sure you track down/speak to an actual duty worker and include everything you said in your OP very clearly. This is an urgent situation and your mother is unsafe to be alone, realistically what the neighbour can do won't be enough. Over to them.

PS I was that duty worker for nearly 30 years

Forgot to add, it is worth also speaking to the social work department at the hospital your FIL has been admitted to and sharing the concerns. They will have links to the community social work department.

My dad was mums carer, and on the occasions he was taken into hospital, social care were incredibly responsive and would find emergency carers or a respite care place the same day. Dad was set up on the SS carer scheme where you registered that someone was dependent on you though so all the prep things had been done.

Usually in situations like this if she isn't safe to be left at home alone she should have been taken to hospital with him as a social admission - it's not ideal, especially at this time of year when hospitals are already bursting at the seams but it plugs the gap until other options can be put in place.

social services will have an out of hours team you can contact if you think nothing has already been sorted out for this evening and she's not safe on her own. At this time of day though the most likely 'safety plan' is probably going to involve her sitting in a&e until something can be sorted tomorrow.

Speak to the Social Care duty team. Where I live, Carers Trust are commissioned to provide emergency care (live in if necessary) until an alternative can be sorted.

Thanks all - perhaps I wasn't clear - we've already got adult social care involved. They're doing an assessment tomorrow morning so hopefully care can be quickly set up.

Phone social services, they may have a dementia crisis unit in the area.

Phone a couple of private care agencies this evening - they may have ideas?

Def phone private care providers, my mum had some help recently after an op and it was wonderful.

My parents were in a similar situation earlier this year. I contacted their GP who arranged an emergency team to go straight in, via their surgery “health coach”.
My mum was given x3 visits a day to support her, for a fortnight, whilst other arrangements were made.