Mum now having falls

[fortifiedwithtea]

Hi I posted a few weeks ago about stubborn mum cancelling the stairlift because she said they are ugly.

In the last couple of weeks she has had 2 falls. One in her home and the latest was outside yesterday. She rang me today and rather sad, she now realises she can not stay in her home. Mum moved to her house in 1967 and Dad passed away nearly 15 years ago.

The problem is beyond fixing with a stairlift. The big issue is mum has lost her balance. She uses a 4 wheeled sholley for balance walking outside and falling yesterday has shaken her up. A kind man and a young woman with a car stopped to help her up. The woman offered her a lift home but she refused because she was on a mission to post Christmas cards.

Mum’s drive is extremely steep. We have always called it the North Face of the Eiger. To park a car you need to leave the gears in reverse otherwise a car could roll into the garage door. Its seriously going to put buyers off. The house went up for sale when I was a kid (job move) nobody wanted it and job move fell through so we stayed.

I have suggested getting the front landscaped to have a series of gently sloping paths but mum refuses as she says that will advertise that an old person lives there.

I think she should tell her doctor she is having falls. There is either an ear problem causing loss of balance or it neurological. And I think she needs an occupational therapist to help find solutions with aids in her home and suggest a better walking aid. I know she is going to ignore me, I got the vibes down the phone.

Also suggested a mobility scooter. That was also a ‘no’ in part because of steep driveway but also she said she would be frightened to use one.

She won’t do anything until after Christmas. She wants to think it through and have a proper talk aka a face to face session with me and my DH. I am relieved she is thinking of the possibility of moving near me, I live in a town a few miles away. There are lovely bungalows within walking distance of my house. I don’t drive due to epilepsy so she needs to be a walk or a short bus ride away.

I’m a bit sad she can’t live out her days in her current house. Its the only family home I remember as was a baby when they moved in. She’s only ever had new property so to move into an existing property will be hard for her.

No point to this post other than to write my thoughts down .

It’s a scary stage isn’t it? My mum fell and broke her hip this year, and damn near broke her wrist in a recent fall. She used a zimmer etc because she had to, but she would never have used a walker outside.

I forgive her the stubbornness because it must be so hard getting to an age when your body starts to let you down.

My Dad falls all the time - around twice a week. Not tripping but low blood pressure. He's long ago given up on going out. He's in sheltered private housing with lots of support and social/community life and we are getting more care in for him. My DP moved in their 70s to avoid being trapped in an unadapted home. A move might be the best option to somewhere designed for older people - no stairs, panic alarms etc.

@EVHead your poor mum.

Yep scary, the decline has happened rapidly since lockdown.

she now realises she can not stay in her home

if she has realised this - why are you looking at adaptations to her house so that she can stay?

@Bouledeneige thanks for replying. Hadn’t thought about blood pressure. I will ask when she last had it checked.

@Goodgrief82 because to move will take months to sell the house and find somewhere suitable. But she is falling now. I need her to be as safe as she can be in the meantime.

In the interim whilst property on market would you consider her moving in with you?

Has she been/could she be referred to the falls team? My mum is getting very unsteady and the doctor referred her. She has a monthly visit plus lots of exercises to do which are meant to strengthen her core and improve balance. Amazingly, she is doing them, although it’s hard to actually gauge any improvement.

Hello 👋🏻 I'm a Falls OT. If you can I'd ask for GP to refer for falls assessment. We'd look at short term stuff to keep her safe now.

We look at postural drop (blood pressure), aids and mobility.

It's quite a positive thing really as it's always about keeping people safe now - moving/adaptations etc are never quick so this might mean she stays safe whilst longer term plans are made

I saw your post re the stairlift

sort of similar with mum - she was hospitalised after a fall and they suspect she has had several small strokes

we have a stairlift now, it is oddly shocking to see your mum needing that, I understand. She came out of hospital needing a zimmer but can manage with a stick now.

balance might be inner ear + other factors, all her older siblings had similar.

it's hard but from what I know, it's much better for the person to admit there's an issue rather than be in denial.

if you are going to sell the house, I'd sell as is - chances are people will change it anyway.

it's strange and hard days OP. I feel for you.

We were told nothing can be done about postural drop though?

She's just as likely to fall in a bungalow to be honest. Wouldn't a new property just be kicking the can down the road? I was a district nurse for many years and this is a very common problem. A&E is full of similar up and down the country.
Would it be too soon to look at care homes near you where you could visit easily/take her out?

Identifying postural drop is helpful as medication might need to be changed.

Also techniques around sit to stand (especially in the night) are good to tackle.

People start doing things like restricting fluid intake to avoid needing the toilet at night... the urine in the bladder becomes concentrated and irritates the lining meaning little and often... then a urine infection can occur.

So if we look at someone's 24 hours we can pull out risk factors and help with what we can.

I think she should tell her doctor she is having falls. There is either an ear problem causing loss of balance or it neurological.”

not necessarily: has her bp been checked recently? My husband falls as a result of very low dips in his, as does his mother.

Re mobility scooters, I've know a couple of people who've said 'never!' but as soon as they've tried one they've been converted. We have a nearby country park that has some to lend out, we also have Shopmobility which has scooters and other aids for loan. Maybe she could be persuaded to try one if it means she could go for a proper shopping trip or join in a family outing to the park.

If you can, I'd also suggest that you help her practice getting up from the floor. If she does have another fall, knowing how to get up can make the difference between an awkward but manageable incident and a very very long wait for an ambulance.

Good luck.

If you Google her area and falls prevention service you may find she or you can refer her in, GP referrals are not always required. Could you suggest you refer her in now to get a place in the queue? It would probably be after Christmas before they were able to go out if waiting times are similar to our area. Does she go out often? Do you have any volunteer drivers who would be able to pick her up from her drive or is a taxi an option so she has someone there to help her get to where she wants to go? It is difficult because if the driveway is putting her off going out she will lose her mobility faster. Does she have savings for home? Fees? If going through council they may put a charge against her home to be repaid so she doesn’t need to wait. A social care assessment would want to explore ways she can live independently first.

Get the house on the market. Someone will buy it at the right price. It’s a huge step for your mother to have admitted this to herself, and then to you.
You don’t say how old she is, but by your timeline I’m guessing over eighty. So the physical decline may well be quite steep.

I really think you should both be looking at sheltered accommodation near you, rather than buying and then adapting another place. It is difficult to keep up with the adaptations needed, so often it is pointless as what is actually needed is human care and assistance.

On the plus side, many people who go into sheltered accommodation stabilise , because their needs can be met more directly, and the stress of being responsible for yourself - and loneliness - are relieved by the availability of company.

A suggestion for how you communicate things with your Mum. Older people often have slower processing speed, that means that they just cant make decisions quickly and in the moment but it doesnt mean they cant if you go slow enough.

I suggest you write down a list of goals that she would agree with
Reduce risk of falling
Home that is comfortable and safe to live in
Happy life
when she has agreed on that and added anything she wants, stop and take a break, let her mull over it for a day.

Then attack the how. Make a list of ideas with her. Add some crazy ones just to lighten the mood. Dont judge any of them…its a brainstorming session. Then stop and take a break, let her mull over it for a day and add anything (but not judge anything or take anything off the list)

Then break the ideas down into small steps that dont seem daunting. If selling the house is one thing, then prepping for sale is a step, and that breaks down into sorting packing cleaning etc. That is hugely overwhelming, so suggest you can pack everything, and anything non essential can all go into boxes in a storage unit and then when she is settled in her new place you can bring her one box at a time to sort. That makes it seem more managable iyswim

Try and get into the mindset that you are working with a reception aged child (not trying to be denigrating to your DM, its to get you to adjust your mindset) if you throw too much at a child that age they get overwhelmed and shut down/tantrum

Good luck

How old is she?

Loads of good suggestions and advice, sorry not to tag all of you but I’ll answer as best I can.

Mum is 85..

She never learned to drive and laughs about forgetting how to ride a bike when her and Dad were young. No way would I get her on a mobility scooter.

Yes agree a bungalow is like kicking a can down the road but if it gives her a few more years of supported independence, feels like an option?

Mum would absolutely hate living in a care home. Her SIL got put in a home by my cousin (nephew not son) and it’s heartbreaking.

We have loads of warden assisted flats near us . Again mum would not mix , she doesn’t like old people 🤷‍♀️ and has never been one to cultivate friends. Her hobby is gardening and she would find that hard to give up.

From what you have said, I see where you are coming from in thinking about options for the future, and bungalows locally would seem like a good option right now.
The problem with ageing is that the individual’s perception of their needs tends to focus on their needs today, not on the next 12 months, 5 years whatever.

SeaToSki ‘s approach is the way to go.

Also you could contact Age Concern for advice