Moving to care home and confused

[Wafflesandcrepes]

My 99-year-old grandmother moved to a care home six weeks ago after a really bad fall meant she was too frail to look after herself.

She used to be very independent and has found things like not having a kitchen and having other people do things for her very strange and confusing. But she’s slowly getting used to it.

What worries me is that she’ll be making perfectly normal conversation one minute and then start talking nonsense such as asking where my grandfather (who died 20 years ago) and her young children are, getting distressed saying they’ve not come home. It’s like she doesn’t know when and where she is for a few minutes.

I’m abroad so haven’t been able to speak to her doctor. My parents are no use.

Have other posters experienced the same with family members before it got better? Could this be a case of hospital delirium?

thank you.

My mum is 90 and been in a care home since July. My dad passed away in sept so has dealt with a lot unfortunately.
She’s actually a nightmare. Aggressive and so confused.
She fell last week and cut her head. Paramedics came and glued it however she’s telling anyone and everyone that a member of staff did it, or I did it, or she went out shopping and a man did it.

She’s awaiting an appointment with the memory clinic but the staff are in no doubt she has dementia.

It’s absolutely tragic x

I work in a care home and this is very common.

At 99 she's done incredibly well to be independent for so long. If I were you I would speak to the care home manager and ask them what you've said here. They will be able to alleviate your worries.

It might be temporary, or it might be a permanent downturn. How was she before the fall? Completely OK, or was she beginning to get very definite Views about certain topics, or issuing warnings to you about calamities you needed to avoid?

Whether it’s permanent or temporary, don’t contradict her, she won’t believe you and it will just upset her. Don’t even throw out facts that you hope will allow her to work out she’s wrong - it’ll contrast with her world view and confuse her. Say things like “I think they’ve just been delayed, the traffic was very busy when I came” and try to divert her to another topic. It’s very hard to do, but I suppose she finds it as difficult when someone challenges her perception as you do when confronted with the idea of a still-alive grandfather.

Thank you, everyone. And very sorry to hear about your mum, Borntobeamum.

She was ok before but starting to show signs of confusion, very occasionally not knowing if it was day or night for example. But she’d go to the market and to the shops, watched TV and read. She hadn’t talked about my grandfather (not a nice man) for 20 years. I note the point above about not contradicting her.

On the bright aide, there is improvement. She’s stopped asking for things to cook and is asking for us to bring her fruit instead.

And she turned up unannounced when she knew my parents were meeting the manager! 😁

Thank you all.