Advice on mums health please and where to start

[trampoline123]

Hello - mum is 77 and lives alone in Devon. She's beaten breast cancer but has had quite bad health anxiety for many years (way before the cancer).

Anyway, her health has started to deteriorate recently. She has the most awful shakes, both her cataract need doing and she's can barley hear.

Her shakes: she's had checks for Parkinson etc and that's all fine. She should have started some medicine to try and help but it got forgotten and she didn't chase. We've chased it up and the prescriptions is being made ready so time will tell if that helps.

Her cataract: she has a surgery appt in May but her eyes are really bad now, she can barely text or read which is what keeps her company day to day. She must be feeling very isolated. I'm looking in to private options as I worry May will come and it will be postponed. I'm also worried with lack of heating, shaking and eye sight loss she's in danger living alone.

Her hearing we've been banging on about for ages but she's refused to get a hearing aid. Does anyone know how we go about sorting this? Is it done through the GP or do you just go somewhere?

I'm going to call her doctors today, anything I can do to get eye surgery moved forward?

Any other advice on what I can do to help her? I liv win London and have 2 babies so getting there isn't always easy for me. What about one of those alarms people have around there neck if they get in trouble, how is that organised?

She hates the fact she's getting older and never bloody does anything to help her self which is really frustrating.

Hearing aid: first stop GP who will also check for wax, then refer to audiologist, who may well be private - I get my hearing aids from Specsavers. Worth sticking with NHS if you can because you get free batteries and that’s a big cost.

what often happens with age is that you lose just the high frequencies. So you can’t hear the highest sounds in speech, eg “s”. Speech becomes indistinct, but you will perceive it as other people mumbling and not speaking clearly - after all, you can still hear everything else perfectly well (especially the pounding bass of your neighbour’s music)

Eye surgery - apart from getting GP to chase up and say it’s now urgent and the lady lives alone, only way is to go private. Cataracts and hip/knee replacements are always the first to go when money is tight.

Thank you for your reply.

I called her GP and was told the wait is what the wait is, fair enough.

They said they could refer her for a hearing test but again it would be a waiting game.

I've got some costs for private eye surgery and think we should get 1 done whilst we wait for the appt in May. I'm going home tomorrow to discuss it all with her.

I think careline equipment is supplied free but maybe a small monthly cost is payable.
Might worth giving Age concern a ring they could tell you about the services are available.

Gp can definitely do a referral to audiology.
Or specsaver do hearing tests but then you pay for hearing aids.

I think it would be useful to discuss Power of Attorney so that if her mental capacity were to deteriorate markedly you could begin to take decisions about health and welfare, and financial matters on her behalf. So as well as the specifics about how to deal with these immediate problems there are longer term matters. Does she wish to stay in her own home? Would help from a carer be helpful? Dealing with banking and business matters generally is very difficult with poor sight, so is she willing to have assistance with this.

On audiology, she can ask for a last minute cancellation. She may then only wait a few weeks. I often think people are given the worst possible scenario so they go private. On the cataracts, does she drive / have a driving licence. If she says she is a driver I think they will intervene sooner. On paying for private treatment, you may find she is de-prioritised for the other eye on the NHS as her sight will be better with one eye done.

Take a look at the adult social care part of the local council website and perhaps start the process to get a needs assessment for her. Also, I think Age UK have community wardens in some areas who might be able to help.

We use a company called Lifeconnect24 for the alarm (a key box is also needed) but I think some councils have contracts where you get it cheaper.

Thank you everyone - that gives us such a good starting point. I'll push audiology with her GP I think. She doesn't drive.

We definitely need to discuss finances and power of attorney.

We've never had the chats around this type of thing. We've tried to get her to move to a bungalow in a nearby town so she isn't so isolated but always refused, I imagine a care joke will be a NO too.

Not sure how we'd manage to look after her at home, my sister and I have very young families and I live the other side of the country.

It's dangerous to leave her like this though isn't it?

No, not necessarily dangerous at all. I would say older people are generally safer in their own familiar place - certainly if their eyesight and hearing are bad. I can walk safely around my own house with my eyes shut tbh.

What may be true is that she might be limiting her activities and that could make her feel depressed and hopeless.

My mother's (NHS) cataract surgery was absolutely excellent and really life changing. I would go private for speed on that one. I hope her tremor responds yo the medication.

For the lifeline, I’d definitely get a referral to adult social services and they can do a needs assessment. My mum was able to hire a lifeline which was basically a necklace with an alarm button connected to a box by the phone/internet point. She also hired a smoke alarm via the council. It cost about £2/week. My mother refused to wear the necklace though so no use when she did eventually fall.

Though my mother's situation is different, there are points of similarity.

It is about the elderly parent's capacity to make choices which seem - to the rest of us - like bad choices.

It sounds as though on one level she is choosing this isolation. Perhaps it's a way of preserving a sense of independence and autonomy. (It's hard to deny a sensory impairment when you've got a visible - albeit small- hearing aid. Moving to a new place closer to other people is an admission that you have become isolated.

But if you don't like people seeing you shaking and having to ask them to repeat themselves, socialising with people is tricky,

And it is difficult to start again in a new place, if your vision is dodgy too. How will you find new places to put things and remember where they are?

A carer coming in - if allowed - might offer some practical help. Alternatively, if finances permit in a lot of towns there are sheltered developments for older people where they have their own front door and access to communal facilities.

Often people find it particularly hard to take advice from their children. If she does have any friends whose judgement she respects, they might be well placed to discuss what options she has.

There is some evidence that hearing aids may protect against dementia/cognitive decline - if the prospect of losing her marbles freaks her out, see if the GP can take this line to encourage her to get her hearing supported (because daughters are never listened to, sadly).

Didn't think of the home as being a familiar space so can probably get around blind folded. Thank you

After actually speaking to my mum properly, it seems she was just having a fed up day and her hearing and eyesight, although not great hadn't got worse.

My sibling likes to exaggerate and she was very cross of rang the GP 😂

The chat did mean we could chat about her finances and push for her to be referred for her hearing. I explained there would be a wait list so let's get on it now.

Thanks all for the comments.

I definitely didn't think about the familiarity of her home and will look to install an extra hand rail on the stairs for now.