Can I force mum to see a doctor?

[daisiesdahlias]

Extreme thread title but not sure how else to phrase it. Since dad died 10 years ago she has barely left the house and is clearly depressed.

Among other things (like osteoporosis) she has emphysema. She was diagnosed shortly before covid, lockdown happened around her first follow up appointment and understandably she didn't feel comfortable going into a hospital around then.

However since then she has refused to see a doctor about it. It has now gotten to the point where she cannot walk from her living room to her kitchen without gasping for breath. She needs urgent treatment/oxygen. Recently when I bring it up she says 'oh yes I will call them' 'yes I'll do that next week' etc. She's been saying this for a year.

She is rapidly deteriorating and struggling to breathe but she just says this to placate me, clearly has no plans to see a doctor. Is there anything I can do?

You can ring her doctors and share your concerns with her GP. Or you can offer to ring her GP and make an appointment and to take her to her appointment.

I'd copntact her GP if i were you. NHS website says this - You can raise concerns about a friend or relative's health with their GP without their consent, but because of patient confidentiality, the GP will not be able to discuss any details.
In other words, they won't talk to you about it but it's within their remit to take note of your concerns and act on them, by contacting her or visiting her. That's where I'd start anyway.
Also you could talk to Age UK for advice and support. Good luck.
www.ageuk.org.uk/

Just ask her GP to make a home visit

If she still has capacity (and nothing you say suggests she hasn’t) she can make her own decisions, including bad ones. So she may refuse to see the doctor even if you mange a home visit.

As previous posters say, you can certainly tell the GP and ask them to try to see your mum. Assuming she has capacity re her health, she can refuse to see them.

The other approach worth co side ring is the Mental Health Act. If she is severely depressed and neglecting herself to the point she could die, it might be suitable. You could discuss this with her GP, or possibly even approach the local mental health service via the duty AMHP if you are the Nearest Relative per the Act. She might be admitted to hospital for medical stabilisation and mental health treatment.

Sorry for getting technical, it’s a challenging area of law. The Mind website has helpful explanations you might want to look at.

You can’t force her. You can change the question - why don’t you want to see the doctor? Would you like me to take you to the doctor? Let’s make an appointment with the doctor now. What do you think the doctor might say/do? (Do you think she’s agoraphobic?)

FWIW if you called 111 for advice outside GP hours, but if she’s having that much difficulty in breathing there is a possibility they might send an ambulance out.

Call 111. Was she referred to the lung care nurse. Would they do a home visit.

Please encourage your Mum that there is a lot that can be done for people with COPD. My Mum was diagnosed with "very severe" COPD in 2016 at the age of 84. She is still with us, now 91, and the COPD is under control with inhalers. She has other health issues now, the COPD is actually not her primary problem.

I sympathise with your situation. I have a very similar situation with my mother & after much debating I wrote a letter listening my concerns & hand delivered it to the surgery.

I left it 2 months & heard nothing, so I called them & they were extremely relucent to speak to me, even though I wasn't asking for any confidential info, but they said there was nothing they could do? Which I was quite shocked about.

I thought as a bare minimum they would put a phone call out to my mum.

I did also call Age UK but they said there was nothing they could do either?

Its baffling really!!

I hope you have better luck than I do, there really should be some sort of system in place for raising concerns about loved ones.

It's a shame that your GP did nothing Spoldge. I've had to speak to the GP about a relative a couple of times and it was only after much reassurance from me that I did t want to know anything, I just needed to tell them what was going on, that they listened.

Both times they've then written to the patient and asked them to come in for a routine Health Check.

You can not do anything without her consent

Her GP won't talk to you without her permission.

Her GP won't talk to you without her permission

That's not strictly true. They should listen but not discuss things that would breach patient confidentiality.

So the OP can raise concerns but not expect to be given any information.

As everyone has said, if she has capacity then you can't force this. Try to put yourself in her shoes - wouldn't you be furious if someone tried to push you into something you didn't want to do? She has the right to make her own choices - as we all do - and that includes choices you may not like.