I have always had a tricky relationship with my mum, in short - I'm not the daughter she wanted and I know that if she wasn't my mum, we would definitely not be friends. As an adult I look back and can see that my childhood wasn't ideal, I provided care to her in the form of emotional support (she was often depressed and talked about suicide). I think that I was one of those kids who slips under the radar, or maybe it was just different back in those days -
I suspect I should have been in foster care at times to give my mum a chance to get help for herself.
Anyway, I have managed my mum as best as I can over the years, but things have become quite awful lately. She is convinced she has dementia and is in the process of being referred for diagnosis.
We have seen one Dr who talked about cognitive atrophy and emphasised the need to stay active, eat well, engage with people. The problem is that my mum won't do anything to help herself. She actively hates people (often accusing them of terrible things behind their back but getting hysterical if I suggest taking forward a complaint or speaking to the person concerned). She spends her day sitting alone, chain smoking, staring at the TV. Her GP prescribed Sertraline about a year ago, but I discovered that mum isn't taking the tablets (she lies to the GP). It feels like we exist in a cycle of me trying to help her, her rejecting help only to tell me afterwards how much pain/inconvenience/danger she has been in because she has had no help. An example of her behaviour - at my daughter's birthday we cut the birthday cake and she declined to have any. I offered to put some in a box for her to take and eat later. I forgot to do this (we had friends popping over all day to see my daughter and I just forgot). I spent the next 5 days trying to work out what was wrong - she was sullen, rude... Oh, it was horrible and all because I forhot to give her a piece of cake! I'm not sure why she couldn't just remind me, it would have been so easy to just say "ooh, don't forget to let me have a slice of birthday cake). She rejects everything if there is a chance it might improve her quality of life. I am at my wits end. Sorry, I just needed to offload.