My poor dad

[Ladyofthelake53]

My dear dad is 79, fit and healthy for his age doesn't smoke or drink much, active all his life was an excellent squash player up til his 60s.

He had a fall in the bathroom Tuesday and was rushed to hospital. He has has a bleed on the brain, stroke.

Was talking but incoherent when we got to the hospital CT scan showed quite a big bleed thsts not operable but they were hopeful the brainnwoukd reabsorb the blood none of his limbs were paralysed.

He took a turn for the worse Wednesday and has had another bleed they've said there's no hope. They've withdrawn everything and he is on morphine, so we are waiting for him to pass.

It's like torture seeing him laying there slowly dying no water nothing I can't bear it. Trying to be strong for my poor mum. Theyve been together 55 years.

Anyone else here been through this please share
Thank you

2 years ago with my dad - it was awful. Covid meant we couldn’t be with him.

I’m so sorry it’s happening for you - I hope the end is not too drawn out x

Poor you and poor him.

Dreadful situation x

I am so sorry. Thinking of you and your family and sending you strength to get through this awful time

I'm sorry. This part is so hard. It was expected for us, dmil had been sick for a long time.

The suddenness of it for you makes it even worse.

It's awful but as his body shuts down he won't be hungry or thirsty and the staff will keep him comfortable. I am so sorry

Sending you strength and hope.

My mum had a bad stroke at 58 which left her wheelchair-bound until she died 11 years later. My dad had a mild stroke a couple of years before he died at 82 which made his life considerably more difficult.

Although it probably doesn't feel like it at the moment, your dad has done very well right up until recently. You will probably appreciate this when you see others struggle with dementia etc. I feel strongly that we all have to go when it's our time. If it's your dad's time now, surround him and your mum with help and love. Sometimes in life we just have to find the strength and step up to the plate. It sounds like you are doing this admirably - you'll be alright, so hugs and best wishes from somebody who's been there.

💐 sending my best wishes (didn’t want to read and run)

Thank you to everyone I'm sorry for your losses.

I lost my husband 5 years ago very suddenly to a heart attack aged 52 so I have been through it myself so hopefully can help my mum through it.

My husbands death for very sudden, there in the morning and gone by early afternoon. With this it's worse in a way because he's lingering.

Yes. My dad, 79, had a stroke abroad . We medivacced him home when he was fit enough but the next six weeks were a rollercoaster and he then had another stroke. The decision was made to withdraw medication and they told us it would be a matter of hours. He lasted five days, which was torture for my poor mother. My sisters live abroad and one flew back and forth several times, and they both came back and were able to say good bye.
The hospital was brilliant. He was a doctor and they treated him and my mother with the upmost respect. We were allowed to see him at any time, my sister stayed overnight.
Before he died, and when he was in neuro intensive care (so you couldn't stay overnight there) there was one night I went back to the hospital after my children were in bed. I talked to him for about an hour, about how much I loved him, that we would take care of my mother, that I was very happy in my marriage. I have no idea if he heard any of it, but it meant I felt that I had said everything I needed to.
I also lost my husband suddenly when he was 51 about nine months after my father passed.

I lost my wonderful dad In Sept after a massive stroke.
Id just woken up in America in the first day of our holiday and we got the call.
we booked flights and flew home the next day and I was able to stay with him until he passed away 9 days later.

Unfortunately, my mum is in a care home with dementia and in all honesty, dealing with her is worse than losing my dad.
The road is going to be bumpy and sad but take each day as it comes.
Sending lots of love x

I'm so sorry op, what a horrible shock.
It may not be much consolation but my father passed 10 years after he had a severe stroke which left a lot of damage, and I wish he had gone immediately as he had no quality of life. Hopefully he's passing quickly and comfortably. Although I understand that doesn't help with the shock and loss you will all be feeling.
Big hugs to you and your mother x

Bless you. It’s hard. I think the comfort I’d find is that he’s enjoyed a long , healthy life until now and he sounds like a wonderful man. I think I’d be grateful he went from fine to end of life so quickly. My worse nightmare is needing to be looked after . It’s painful for you but he’s just in a lovely dopey sleep and they’ll make sure he’s comfortable . Just lost the grandmother who raised me , she rode her bike to the supermarket and mowed her lawn 2 days before a massive aneurism took her . She was 88 fit as a fiddle and then gone . She’d have wished for nothing else.
take care of yourself and take your time to process it all.

It helped us to realise that dying is a process - my Mum had medication withdrawn and carers brought in mid December, but she didn't pass for six weeks. She was at home with us, and had us all around her, with grandchildren coming and going. Several times we were told she'd wouldn't get through the weekend, but she always was stubborn!

She didn't eat and barely drank for a month, but was comfortable and enjoyed spending time with her loved ones. When she wasn't sleeping, she was still able to give us some of our most touching moments. I remember her stroking DS's face when he said he was going to have to go back to work in London, and telling him she loved him. He never saw her again.

I send you my deepest sympathy, and hope that your memories will give you strength as you grieve.

Thank you so much for sharing your personal experiences, no change today in my dad. He survived lymphoma 5 years ago so I guess we should be blessed we had that extra 5 years together.

God bless you all x

This is awful. I'm so sorry. Sending so much sympathy.

I know its the law but I find it inhumane that everything is withdrawn and basically they are being dehydrated and starved to death. Far kinder to give an injection or something to end a life. It's awful. We don't treat animals.als like it

Thank you Butterfliedtwo for your kind words

I lost my dad last year. He'd had 2 strokes many years apart. The second one wasn't even that bad, but in hospital he caught flu and got pneumonia and was a shell of himself. He went back home with carers coming in and my mum helping but it was too much and so went into a care home. This was during Covid so visits limited. He was OK but then deteriorated quite rapidly and was put on palliative care. Then end of life. Luckily the rules had changed slightly so we were able to be with him. Say what you need to say to him, they say hearing is the last sense to go.

How awful OP, I don't know what to say other than I am so sorry for you and your family. Your poor Dad :-( life can be so cruel at times. Look after yourself 💐

Thank you for all the kind messages dad passed away this morning peacefully 😢

I'm so sorry 😞

oh so v sorry for your loss . xx

Oh OP I am so sorry 😞

I'm so sorry xx

Been through same with OH. It is so hard and my heart is with you. x

@Ladyofthelake53 omg I'm so sorry reading this. It upset me, a complete stranger so I can only imagine how tough it's been for you all. Sending you a big virtual hug my lovely. RIP to your dad xxx