Underactive thyroid, dementia or mental health

[Frazzledmummy123]

I am at a bit of a loss as to what to think about my 85 year old dad. He lives at home with my mum who is in her early 80s but she is very fit and active for her age and his carer. Both parents are very stubborn and prone to denial if faced with something they don't want to face. I have posted previously about this, but more about living arrangements which is another subject for another day.

My dad was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid last year. Prior to diagnosis, he was very active and much more alert. He suddenly started to fall asleep all the time, not want to do anything, and got quite.forgetful, not unusual for a man of his age, but after he got meds for his thyroid, he picked up a lot. He became much more alert and wasn't as lethargic, and not as forgetful or confused. I have heard that sometimes an underactive thyroid can cause forgetfulness and be sometimes misdiagnosed as early dementia.

However, recently he has gone back to how he was before he was diagnosed. He had a blood test done and apparently his thyroid is stable. His gp offered to see him in an appointment if she was worried, however, true to form because she might hear something she doesn't want to hear, she declined this despite being worried, and mentioning his forgetfulness has got bad again. She is just going to plod on and pretend nothing is wrong. She will also gaslight me if I say anything, she'll say "you young ones are very forgetful, not everything is dementia". I could easily lose it with her when she starts this.

He has very bad mobility which has stopped him getting about a lot so he has also lost a lot of independence in recent years through that, he tends to just sit and read books a lot, and his mental health is also affected as he barely shows an interest in anything these days and is much quieter than he used to be.

Where do I go from here? Should I contact his gp myself about my concerns as my mum won't listen or face up to anything? I know they can't share info with me, but I can maybe tell them things. I don't know if how he is is general old age, depression, dementia or his underactive thyroid, or a combination of everything.

It's so difficult when they're in denial isn't it?

I know that some MNers don't sheee but I would put your concerns to the GP, possibly in the form of a letter. Just make it clear that you aren't expecting any information back?

Are you able to talk to your DF at all without your DM being there?

@PritiPatelsMaker it makes a difficult situation even worse when they are in denial.

I rarely get my DF alone, unless DM is out the room and I can't talk to him then as he is quite deaf and it'd be impossible to be discreet. I don't think talking to him would be any good as he is equally as stubborn (refuses walking aids apart from one stick even though he can hardly walk), and tends to go into denial too.

My mums family were always anxious about any sort of medical intervention. So much so that my mum refused even to have her eyes tested because she was afraid of what might show up. She was equally "protective" over my dad, never wanting me to call the doctor. She and I would both be anxious but I would want to talk to the doctor and she would want to keep away from the surgery at all costs. The combination of us both being anxious was not good for our relationship! When my dad became ill he allowed me to attend his appointments with him "because of his deafness" so I was able to reassure myself and mum because dad's answer to "What did the doctor say?" was always "I'm splendid!"

In fairness to them both dad's illness came on very quickly and it is unlikely that earlier intervention would have helped. For mum however she could have had a much better quality of life if she had sought medical advice sooner for all her ailments. It is so frustrating. In your circumstances if you can not speak to your dad alone or accompany him to the doctor then a letter to the GP setting out your concerns and acknowledging that you understand that they can't speak to you without your parents' permission would be the way to go.