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Elderly parents

Mil and care home

6 replies

FishAndChipsForDinner · 24/10/2022 17:59

Mil fell last year. Spent months and months in hospital as couldn't be released without a care package. No injuries, just lack of looking after herself, dementia suspected (I am still unsure ifnthisnhas been formally diagnosed, we cannot seem to get an answer. They initially said she couldn't release herself then that she was fine, although at one point her capacity was questioned.)
Anyway, fell again and is back in hospital, has been for about a fortnight.
We dot t think she is able to look after herself.
She is mobile, with a Walker, but cannot leave the house. Has carers twice a day and a life line necklace thing. She is forgetful, says she hasnt spoken to dh etc when she spoke to him an hours earlier. It calls the care line 20 times but has no memory of it. Social services wont help anymore and she is lonely. Both us and bil live in a different country. (All uk). For various reasons we cannot move.

Both Dh and bil want her to oce to a care home but she is resisting. It may come to a point when she doesn't have a choice. But we are not quite there yet.

Her house will have to be sold to fund this - fine

Bil has said he is not willing to put in extra money to go private care home, which in totally understand.
Dh has blown up at this and it has ended up that bil has blocked dh number.
Thing is, we cannot afford to top it up either .
But howndoninsay this without upsetting dh, when it is his mother and such an emotional subject? We are in debt and barely scraping by as it is.

OP posts:
Knotaknitter · 24/10/2022 20:33

You need to say which country your MIL lives in because that does matter. Where you and BIL live doesn't matter.

Roystonv · 24/10/2022 20:44

If England quick answer as others more knowledgeable will be along 1) social services etc need to discuss/arrange care package before discharge they cannot just not help 2) funding of care home is based on her funds not yours; where we live almost all are private care homes funded by savings, sale of house then when certain level of money left government. Private care homes are not like private hospitals

Viviennemary · 24/10/2022 20:50

Is it worth upping the care package to four times a day. And see how that works.

passport123 · 24/10/2022 20:52

If the council know there is a property being sold they will usually pay for the home of your choice for 6-12 months until the home is sold, then you pay off the bill and pay for the home out of the proceeds of the sale.

FishAndChipsForDinner · 24/10/2022 22:02

Sorry, mil is in wales.

She had an assessment period when she came out the first time. Was meant to be 6 weeks, was actually about 3 months. Then they said 2 a day was ok. She is paying for this I believe.

I assume she will have another assessment before being discharged again?

OP posts:
PritiPatelsMaker · 30/10/2022 08:22

I'm not sure about funding I. Wales but you do need to be talking to the Discharge Clerk on the Ward regularly.

Does DMIL have a SW? If not, ask if they can assign one.

Has she been assessed for capacity or don't they have any concerns?

Are they planning on having a multi disciplinary meeting before she's discharged?

Sadly, there's nothing the NHS can do about being lonely.

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