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Elderly parents

Parent is acting out

2 replies

Viewofthesea · 24/10/2022 09:49

My mother is 70.
She's old school with an old fashioned attitude towards the two different sexes.
She places men on pedestals and looks down on women.

My brother went away a few months ago to live and work abroad.
Contact home from him was low and limited.
It was weeks since she heard from him so last week she tried to call him but it rang through and he never followed up after missing a call.

She's been asking me every day did I hear from him and the answer is always the same. It's a no.

My mother is acting out because she's not hearing from him and she's being short and angry with me.
As if I can control and shape him. I do not want to be put into a position where I am the go between between her and him and I will not be contacting him requesting him to phone his mother.
They need to shape their own relationship without me and for some reason he has decided its a low contact home.

A lot of her energy went on minding him when he was at home even though he was an adult. She really did smother him. Now that he's gone, her life is nothing.

I see her a lot of the time and she's empty and flat without him.

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 24/10/2022 17:23

Continue with that response no, you haven't heard from him and change the subject.

MereDintofPandiculation · 25/10/2022 08:39

She’s a bit of an anachronism, isn’t she? 70 means she was growing up in the 60s, Womens Lib and all that.

Can you cut down how much you see her? You’re not going to be an adequate substitute for her son. Concentrate on practical necessities and don’t try to provide the social element. She’s not going to magically turn into the mother of a much loved daughter, so stop hoping for that.

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