Feeling rejected by parents reluctance to compromise

[MuggleMe]

My dad (75) has early stages vascular dementia, anxiety and severe hearing loss. He lives with his healthy younger wife (my stepmum of 20 years) 4.5 hours away.

Next week they're on holiday 2.5 hours away and have suggested we meet up. Great! I've taken the day off work but 5 hour round trip is too much for me with work, kids and life, so I suggest somewhere beautiful an hour from them.

It's rejected as dad needs somewhere calm and quiet, and they like to stay local when away. if I can't come to them, don't bother. I feel so upset they won't even travel an hour for a walk or something. It's not like they are going to spend the whole time in the cottage on holiday.

Am I expecting too much of them?

Yanbu

Whilst is may be difficult for him to travel, it is same for you with children and work etc & they asked to meet up! Apparently he can travel 2 hours to this holiday! So together with his fit and healthy wife/ he can travel 1 hour to meet up with you

I'd just reply "I can't do a 5 hours round trip in with my other caring responsibilities and work commitments. It'd be great if you want to meet me halfway at x place. If not, it doesn't sound possible. Have a great holiday "

Thanks, I went back and said 5 hours was simply too much, anywhere up to 1 hour 45 would be ok. No response. Honestly, why do I keep forgetting they don't care about me and want me to do all the running. I keep getting hurt.

@MuggleMe Is this response one which your DF has made on behalf of both of them? Do you think your DSM had an input?
i absolutely recognise this… This is exactly how my DM would behave. Prepare yourself for lots more of this sadly. But on a positive note, now you now know to expect it, it won’t hurt quite as much

It's all from my step mum (no d I can assure you!). She sees it as protecting him but I see it as keeping him away from me. I don't think he knows the full details and is told what to think - oh you won't cope, you know how you get.

@Mum5net

Sorry posted too soon. I should know to expect it, I made the mistake of getting hopeful and I'm reeling. I'm less resilient at the min as lots going on at home.

So sorry you are being torn in many directions @MuggleMe It's very tough when you don't get a minute to yourself to regroup.
Must be even more difficult if SM is acting as unhelpful gate keeper, especially as having you and the kids around could give her an hour or so to herself. Is that an angle worth pursuing?
To be fair an anxiety /dementia combination could make your DF quite a handful in unfamiliar surroundings. Sometimes the decline can be especially rapid.
One last throw of the dice ... Could you enlist a friend to go with you and share the driving? Be sure to do something that with your children that is fun but stress free if you can