Making dementia care rewarding - ideas? Please?

[Supersimkin2]

I’m battling a bit at the mo. Double dementia with both parents. And the rest.

Rescued them when they went missing last week, tracked them down in hosp, got them home and treated with carers in, only to be told that I was ‘interfering’ .

DF screamed abuse at me for 12 min solid (phone times it). Then he rang back. Demanding MI6 number to report me ‘for cancelling his hospital appointments.’

I’ve still got bronchitis fairly badly. I’m sad and sick at heart. Any help?

i'm sorry, it is so hard.

so your parents live together and both have dementia? how often do the carers visit?

you have to find a way to tune out the shouting and paranoia - it is the illness and is not about you.

do you have any other support? Siblings? Alzheimers Society?

Sibling abroad.

Did you give him MI6 number? There’s no way he’d have got anywhere, and it takes the pressure off you.

You don’t have to listen to the ranting, put the phone down.

Avoid conflict when you can, agree with their world view. If they say they’ve just got back from a Greek holiday, ask them if they enjoyed it.

Remember the relationship is turned around now, you are the adult. Use techniques you used for a toddler, deflect, ignore tantrums etc. Take an observational view of their behaviour, as if they were lab rats.

Enjoy the brief glimpses of the “real them” which will happen.

Ask your LA what support for carers they have. It does feel better to meet others with the same problems

They are not following the normal rules of social contract, and you don't have to either. Don't try to reason with them, don't try to soothe them. Put the phone down if you like - if the ranting doesn't help them or you, don't put yourself through it. Can you ask for a review of their treatment? If they are experiencing BPSD then make sure the team are aware and see what extra treatment they can have.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK551552/#:~:text=Behavioral%20and%20psychological%20symptoms%20of,%2C%20and%20caregiver%20well%2Dbeing.

That’s brilliant 🤩 thanks so much.

It’s the futility of the situation and the cruelty thrown at me that I’m finding hardest to manage.

DF scores high on that index - thanks for sending it. Do I contact the GP first?

I'm not sure - yes you could try their GP if they are not under specialist psychiatric care. You could also contact Alzheimer's Society, I used to share an office with them. They always sounded really knowledgable and emotionally supportive to families. I'd try them first perhaps, as they might be best placed to advise you how to ask for more support. Good luck.

www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line

I don't have anything sensible to suggest (my own parent is at the very very beginning of the dementia path, I think) but just wanted to send a handhold. I'm sorry you're going through this and hope you find some knowledgeable people/organisation to support you soon.