Advice please

[Icecreamandapplepie]

I'd really appreciate some advice please.

My mum is 71 and a heavy smoker. She had a morbid fear of all authority, including medical staff. For the last couple of years, she has been losing a massive amount of weight, getting more frail. She has fatigue and often feels 'fluey' as she describes it. For the last year, she complains about all food and has little to no appetite. She is in constant pain in her stomach and back. She has developed constipation that is pretty debilitating.

Obviously I'm no doctor, but I'm thinking chances are good she has some form of cancer.

There is no way I can bring this up with her, and no chance she will visit a doctor.

If it is cancer, things will deteriorate. I'm assuming at some point the pain will get bad enough she will be forced to see someone.

Can anyone please advise me on what support may be available if this is the case please? Things we need to think about sooner or later.

Thankyou

@Vintagecreamandcottagepie

My heart goes out to you;

We had a very similar situation with my Nanna and in the end my Auntie phoned her social worker who arranged for the GP to come and to do a home visit to take bloods and assess and sadly after further investigations, it was bowel cancer.

I'd say phone the GP and ask for some advice in the first instance or if she has a social worker already allocated (which Nanna did after a hospital stay after a fall) maybe contact them.

Nanna was of the "I don't want to be a nuisance to anyone" generation.

I hope you can get her to see someone x

Its going to be difficult if she wont see a doctor, would she feel happier speaking with a nurse. If she doesnt eat much then she will get constipated which will,cause stomach ache. Would she talk to you about anything health related, or what she plans to do when she feels unwell. She could get support from social services, health staff, pain teams but not if she doesnt see a doctor or get admitted to hospital.

Thankyou for your replies so far. I don't know who her doctor is, and things aren't at the point yet where I would contact them for any help.
I have a feeling things will get worse rather than better, whatever it it she has wrong with her. Possibly quickly.

She lives in a sheltered housing block (her own flat) and has no savings.
Is there any financial support on offer if she gets bad and is struggling? And what needs to be put in place so that either me or my brother get to have a say in treatment, if that were ever needed? Obviously according to her wishes as discussed with her in advance...

I'm hoping these things are a year or three into the future but I have no knowledge of anything like this and like to be prepared. For instance, she said the other day whatever happens, she doesn't want to die in hospital surrounded by people who don't care about her. Would I be listened to if she couldn't communicate for whatever reason?

@Vintagecreamandcottagepie

age Uk are helpful with regards to what you can claim etc.... they will come to the house to assess your Mum

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/benefits-entitlements/#skipToContent

And then you need to get Power of Attorney for health and wealth in place aswell

www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

With regards to the GP just ask her??? It'll be one near where she lives at a guess or go and have a rummage at her flat for any letters. You really need this information so that you can speak to them. GP surgeries have permission forms too so that families can speak to the GP aswell.

I hope you get it sorted ❤️

Thankyou @holidaynightmare

Would I be listened to if she couldn't communicate for whatever reason? Power of Attorney for Health and Welfare would establish your right to be listened to. But decisions will be made in her best interests, you won’t have an absolute right to demand particular treatments, just as she wouldn’t.

you don’t need her permission to speak to the GP. You do need her permission for the GP to speak to you. That still applies even if you have PoA as long as she still has capacity.

A person needs to have lost capacity for health POA to kick in.

We sat with my dad and his GP to discuss what dad wanted, ceiling of care etc, his GP noted it, then we formalised it in a letter which was placed on file.

It was things like no hospital admissions, unless it was for eg a .broken arm which would be a straightforward treatment, but for any infection/illness, dad wanted to be made comfortable and out of pain, but no active treatment and for nature to take its course

She could apply for attendance allowance...but if she hasn't even accessed gp, never-ending secondary health care, then chances of getting it are slim

Never mind... not never ending

So sorry to hear that you're going through this. How about booking a home visit with a district nurse for a 'routine blood test and check up' (explain the situation to the GP) and just telling her at the last minute that they're coming (make sure you're there with her too).

Is there a warden or housing officer at her sheltered housing block who could visit her, they may also know who her gp is. If she is in council funded accommodation then she must be known to social services who you could contact. Does she claim any benefits like housing allowance, attendance allowance.
Like other say she can apply to give your poa for health which kicks in if she loses capacity, the financial one can start as soon as its registered if she needs help with that.

She can talk to a gp about her wishes healthwise, set up an advanced careplan to say what treatment she does/doesnt want and her preferred place if she becomes unwell.
She could get adaptations at home to make life a bit easier for her like but she would need to see a therapist at home to assess her, some adaptations are free.