Live in care

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Hi there, does anyone have any experience at all of how easy/difficult it is to get live in care? Also, any experiences welcome, good or bad! MIL has decided (part way through her house sale) that she’d prefer to be at home after all with live in care. Part of us thinks this is cold feet, as she was sure she wanted to live closer to us, but she still has all her faculties and is now saying she’d prefer to go home (three hours away from us). Any advice/insight is welcome.

Hmm.

what are her care needs ? Does she have have night care needs ?

if she has night care needs she needs “ more “ than 24 hr care - sounds perverse , but one live in carer will expect to work the day , with breaks , and then sleep all night.

when mum was dying we have a funded 24hr carer. I foolishly thought she have someone with her all the time - but the Muslim carer quite rightly had her 5 prayer breaks a day- they would have been meal breaks otherwise which she didn’t take . We also had a 2nd person as a waking night cover.

dad had dementia and night care needs. It was clear he needed to be in a home to be safe / have help when he needed it.

if it’s more of a “ live in companion “ I’m sure these are available from agencies but they would expect mostly to be not needed at night etc . Such people may well
live abroad and do say 3 weeks on 3 weeks off.

I used to work for a care company. Most of the live-in carers would work 3 weeks on, one week off. It’s intense work. Does your mother require 24 hour care or could she be left alone while the carer has her break? How is she overnight? The live in carers I knew were allowed to be woken up up to twice at night but no more than that as it wasn’t a waking night job. They would need their own room, wi-fi and food (or food allowance).

Thank you both for your insights- at this point the night time care would be more companionship so she’s not alone, to ease anxiety. She does have day time care needs as although she is mobile, she gets so out of breath she can’t make so much as a cup of tea for herself. So she needs all meals, drinks, personal care attended to but she can go to the toilet by herself. The night cater could definitely sleep as she’s normally asleep 9:30pm- 7am!

I think she's being really selfish actually because the onus is on you to travel to her to take care of her. If she wants a live in carer why can't she do it in a house very close to you so that you can relieve the carer when you have time?

Does she realise quite how expensive a live in carer is? Does she realise her home wouldn't be her own anymore?

Would she be suitable for some sort of supported living place?

It works if you have the money to pay for it properly. That means having a second / third/ fourth carer who can work in rotation.

some set ups I've seen however are borderline (if not actually) modern slavery. We go in to investigate abuse against an older adult from their live in carer who hasn't provided adequate care or the care has broken down and find that the 'carer' has been expected to provide 24 hour care for often far less than minimum wage and little training or back up.

it's also really intrusive if she doesn't have 24 hour care needs.