Any idea what IV morphine feels like? I didn't call him and now it's too late...

[Alcemeg]

I feel a bit silly writing this but since dad died recently I'm tormented by one thought. My head tells me it's irrational, but still I keep worrying about it.

He went into a care home with dementia and declined fairly rapidly as various age-related problems (gradual organ failure) got the better of him. During that time, I visited him weekly and told him how much I loved him. The great thing is that I knew he knew it, and we had lots of hugs, and he told me how much he loved me, and I knew he knew that I knew that... etc etc, you get the picture!

However, I was abroad on holiday when he finally died. He'd been started on IV morphine as part of the end-of-life care pathway, and was unresponsive for a day or so before drawing his last breath.

I kept wondering if it would make any difference to phone him up and just say a few words (with someone else holding the phone, obviously; and not expecting any response from him!). I didn't, because I felt we'd already said all our goodbyes, etc etc etc...

But knowing what joy it used to bring him to hear my voice on the phone, now that he's gone I keep fretting over whether I should just have made that call. What if he was lonely and wondering if I'd forgotten him? What if my voice could have given him some reassurance right towards the end?

I keep telling myself that IV morphine is a strong drug and he was probably floating on happy clouds at the time. Can anyone reassure me? Sorry to sound like a little girl, I just feel like one all of a sudden.

Broke my back in a climbing accident(full recovery) and had it then. Fucking lovely-you still feel the pain but it's in another room where it does not bother you. I can see why people become drug addicts-nothing matters any more

Actually I've had medazolam for awake surgery and the room could have been on fire and I could have been on fire and I would not have cared. You literally cannot be unhappy or anxious on it. It's like one big "Mmmmmmm".

My dad was on a morphine driver at the very end of his life. He was in palliative care in his own room so we had been with him pretty much all of the weekend. He couldn't really talk but we had a cd player with some of his favourite music on in the background as the family came to say goodbye.

Even at times when he appeared to be asleep - eyes closed, breathing softly - when one of his favourites came on his foot would start to tap along. He couldn't talk - just make vowel sounds really - but would respond appropriately when we told him we loved him.

Before the doctor came to put the morphine driver in we prayed together and he whispered "Amen" and I quoted one of the family silly phrases which ends "Stand at ease!" But I left a gap after "stand at" and he whispered "eeees".

Instead of "I love you" we would always say "Wuv oo" and "Wuv oo too". When the driver went in I said "Wuv oo" and he replied "oo oo" then fell asleep almost instantly and was totally unresponsive after that. No response to music, talking, something being dropped in the corridor - just sound asleep.

And that is the way he stayed until the end the next day. He was completely at peace.

Your posts show how very much you loved your dad. Please be comforted by the experiences that people have shared about how peaceful the morphine makes you feel.
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A very happy cloud, you look like you're asleep but you can hear everything around you. It was a very nice feeling, and all my pain had gone.

Everyone's comment have helped, I'm so grateful. I honestly started to think I might spend the rest of my life fretting about this "one big regret" and now I can see that letting go of someone happens in stages, and we did it nicely.

It's an enormous relief to know that feelings such as anxiety and loneliness are unlikely to have been part of his repertoire on that cocktail of EOL drugs!

Sending you my thoughts, op, I'm so pleased this thread has helped you

Thank you @GobbolinoTheWitchesCat ... your username was my favourite book as a child. My mum had to confiscate it eventually, though, because I couldn't read it without crying 😂

What a lovely post.