Carers at home - how do they work?

[Countrydiary]

I’m sure this is such a stupid question but my Mum is really not well (degenerative condition) and my Dad is her main carer. I was mid way through trying to organise them some carers to come in and help in the mornings get Mum up etc. However they both then had a massive wobble about it, although have at least now talked them round enough that they’ve said I can pursue it.

They can’t seem to see how it would work/claim it would be a waste of money. I got a little way in organising it and then they just go ‘well that wouldn’t work etc’. My Dad is not the most straightforward person to deal with at the best of times.

My mum is pretty much wheelchair bound and also can’t see for a lot of the time. She can be left for an hour or so but it’s tough on my Dad. I’m fifteen minutes up the road luckily but have a six year old and a part time job and also am the main contact for care of my Aunt who is in a care home about an hour away, along with my Dad. I’m an only child so no other support. I think they desperately need both the practical day to day help and also just some form of backup if myself or my Dad were ill.

Would love some examples of how at home care has worked for people, practical things they’ve done, especially if people are in couple. I think they think my Dad can just do stuff because he’s there but honestly worried for all our sanities if it carries on as it is.

Sorry this is an epic post!

Thank you so much everyone! Am just reading through and digesting everything.

Following as my mum is receiving 4 visits a day from an assessed package. They heat meals, give meds from blister pack, assist with shower change bedding and use washing machine. There is one hour per week for cleaning, and one for shopping.
I think they do a lot but I am still frustrated that they won’t prepare a simple meal like egg on toast. I would like to try a private carer but we still haven’t been given the personal budget and have no idea what the council are paying the agency. My concern would be finding workers to do all the hours
needed. Has anyone here advice on recruiting?

MIL had funded carers 4 times a day. She's completely wheelchair bound and incontinent and couldn't be left at all. It was a 2 hander with a hoist to get her in/out of bed / onto the loo. Morning visit to get her up, washed and dressed, 2 visits during the day for toilet and pad change, evening visit together her into bed. FIL did meds and meals. FIL also had a personal budget of 8 hours a week sitting service so he could have a break/go to medical appointments/go shopping etc. He got a cash allowance so he could use whatever hours he needed each week and could flex. Some weeks he only used a couple to go shopping, some weeks he was having hospital treatment and needed to use more than 8 hours. If he had had direct payment it would have been use it or lose it every week. He aid £24 an hour in Hertfordshire.
My mum has early stage dementia and as we don't live close has someone in once a day just to check-in (and check there's nothing mouldering in the fridge a couple of times a week). That's £10 a time in Cambridgeshire. If we were paying for longer visits the hourly rate would be lower - about £25.

*If this will be funded by them I would give 2 or 3 local companies a call, meet them in the home and chat about what they can do
*
I would recommend that you get in contact with social services to request a needs assessment. When I worked in adult social care as a social worker we would still complete a needs assessment even if the person was likely self-funding. The older adult would have a financial assessment and it was then determined how much someone would pay for their care. Your mum's income might reduce in the future or her needs increase. The advantages of doing it through social services are that care agencies are contracted by the council and as such they are held to account; it often works out cheaper per hour as the council contracts a block rate overall and your mum's needs will be reviewed every year. The downside is that you might be a waiting list for assessment.

When dad needed carers 4 ti.es a day we found it cheaper to go via social services and pay them an admin fee than to contract directly with the same agency. No doubt that will vary with agency/area but worth checking. Saved dad about £ 1.50 an hour.

OP here - I just wanted to pop on and say a massive thank you to everyone on this thread. So sorry I went completely silent after you all gave me great advice. All my feelings about them needing extra help was right as Mum had a fall, was in hospital for a long time and at least now we’re in the stage where everyone admits we MUST have carers moving forward.

We’ve currently got carers 4 x a day as part of re-enablement and I am currently doing battle with various agencies to try and get us a social services referral as Mum needs are quite complex so definitely need to be on their radar. I so appreciate all the advice as feel like it’s a massively tricky system to navigate. Especially as when I had started talking to care companies many seem so understaffed they either never returned my calls or just said outright they couldn’t help (these were my favourite in a morbid kind of way as at least could tick them off the list!)

@Thighdentitycrisis So sorry you’re going through it too! I think we’re also thinking of more going the private carer route, its mainly about respite for Dad as well as good care for Mum.

We have had 3 or 4 agencies so far all put in place by social care, some were reablement some were specifically during the assessment period and some post assessment, no idea why we have to keep changing but none of them have been great

i presume they will be fully paying themselves for the care.
you could approach a good agency like bluebird and ask a supervisor to visit and discuss options.
good luck.