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Elderly parents
Original poster

DM very unwell

16 replies

Longdistance · 05/09/2022 15:46

Can I have a handhold please?
Dm was brought in by ambulance yesterday, this is something that happens frequently as she has several health issues including dementia.
As she has a cancerous lesion on her lung she is susceptible to infections and has a lung infection now. Her whole right lung has a shadow on it.

I’m sat with my db and we have been here since 8am and were here until late last night. They were going to move her to the respiratory ward, but she’s very weak and not conscious and not responding to medications and her sats are slowly falling even though she’s on oxygen.

Dm is also DNR 😔

OP posts:
LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 05/09/2022 15:51

I'm so very sorry to hear this; I will be thinking of you and your brother.

Mischance · 05/09/2022 15:55

I am sorry your Mum is so ill. Sit with her and let her go in peace. Do not encourage too much medical intervention. Make sure they keep her peaceful and comfortable so she can end her life with dignity.

I refused any aggressive interventions for my OH and he slipped away peacefully, and was freed of his suffering.

I hope very much that she slips away soon and that you are able to be with her as much as possible. It is a difficult time, but can be a positive experience if you know you are doing the right things to help her end her life with dignity.

GingerFigs · 05/09/2022 15:59

Thinking of you and your DB, and of course your Mum.

Sit with her, tell her the things you want to say, hold her hand. It's very difficult as your feelings are all over the place. But if she can slip away with dignity and knowing she is loved then that is the most we can hope for Flowers

Sniffypete · 05/09/2022 16:01

So sorry that your mum is ill. Are the hospital doing all they can to make her comfortable?

Original poster
Longdistance · 05/09/2022 17:49

Thanks for all the advice and well wishes. They haven’t moved her to the ward yet. I’ve popped home as it was stifling hot in the hospital and will be going back to see her.
She had an amazing physio who rolled her into her side and she is cocooned with pillows to make her more comfortable.
As we left, she was still unconscious and not responding to medication. She’s on the oxygen, but it’s not really doing much for her. Her sats are still mid 80’s for now.
Mum requested DNR 3 years ago before her dementia diagnosis and the doctors agree with this and is noted. I have respected her decision and can see why.

OP posts:
Flowersintheattic57 · 05/09/2022 18:01

Handhold for you. Sending strength to be with her and allowing her to have a dignified passing .
I had to refuse all kinds of interventions when my sister had a catastrophic stroke with no hope of any kind of quality of life.
Hold fast and talk to her. Sing too if you’re up to it, any silly childhood songs, it’s all about love in the end. Sending hugs.

Original poster
Longdistance · 05/09/2022 23:01

There’s not been a change in her at all. she’s still unconscious and unresponsive. I’ve had Uk come home as I’m wrecked. They said they’d call if anything happens. She’d be happy if it was in her sleep.
I have my phone on super loud, so if I fall asleep I should here the phone.

OP posts:
countrygirl99 · 06/09/2022 14:56

Oh you poor thing. It's the worst time just waiting for the end and feeling helpless. You don't want to say goodbye but know the alternative is one you love suffering. Take care of yourself.

Original poster
Longdistance · 06/09/2022 15:23

Dm passed away this morning at 3.30am. We were with her when she slipped away. They called us back to the hospital at 2am and we were with her til the end.
We have contacted family and friends. I stayed away from home and haven’t told dds yet as they were going to school, their first day back. They will be home shortly.
I had a sleep when I got home, but woke up thinking it was a horrible dream 😢

OP posts:
Gonegrey31 · 06/09/2022 15:27

I'm so sorry OP but so glad that you were with her. Thinking of you. Even at a great age, it is still a grievous blow to lose a parent.

TheIoWfairy · 06/09/2022 15:31

My sympathies. I'm glad you were with her 😔

Mischance · 06/09/2022 16:24

It feels so hard - but it is part of the natural order of things, and you were able to be there for her, making sure she had the best care and saying your goodbyes. That is the best we can all hope for, so well done.

I hope that you will take comfort in organising a funeral that is a fitting tribute to her life, where you can share memories with others who loved her.

I know you might be feeling concerned about telling your DDs, but I am sure they know that she was ill and will be able to share your relief that she is now at peace. When my OH died, all the GC were closely involved and fully aware of what was happening. They have found their way through this challenge without trauma and talk of him often - one of them makers felt gnomes for his grave and loves to take them there and tuck them in with the flowers. I hope your DDs will be able to take this in their stride - but do not be afraid to cry and show your sadness - it is all part of life's cycle and their learning.

Sending you Flowers x

Topseyt123 · 06/09/2022 16:35

I'm so sorry. It is so very hard seeing a parent come to the end.

Thoughts are with you now.

h78 · 06/09/2022 16:53

Flowers sorry to hear about your dm.

Original poster
Longdistance · 06/09/2022 20:22

Thank you all. My head is still all over the place. My poor db said the house was very quiet. I’m going up tomorrow as we have things to sort.

OP posts:
Cherrysherbet · 06/09/2022 20:58

I’m so sorry for your loss. Hold on to all your treasured memories of your precious Mum.

Wishing you love and strength at this difficult time 💐

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