My mother ignoring her solicitor

[SeaBoat]

Over the past year I started seeing things from my mother. Just little things that were odd or off. I honestly think it is the onset of dementia with her but I am not qualified to diagnosis her. There's things happening. Every day is different with her. Her memory is holding up well. Its behavioural stuff. Taking items of my underwear as if they are hers, getting bored easily, easily angered, stubborn, nosey, overly critical of everyone, - just little things like that. There's little comprehension on matters. She continues to wear a mask because she wants to but she says she can't breathe in it and she prefers to wear it under her nose. Completely defeating the purpose.. So it's just little things like that.

I was reading online that there's different forms of dementia and there's even one form of dementia where the memory holds up well until the later stages and it's dementia that causes behavioural changes.

4 years and half years ago she started dealing with a legal matter. The husband she is separated from is in debt and she wanted a divorce. It's a long and complicated mess and it's still not over. Her solicitor is trying to advise her about her position but my mother isn't engaging with him anymore. My mother got a new letter in the mail today from her solicitor and she got angry and made ex3and said she's too busy and she will get around to contacting him in her own time. I suggested phoning him and she refuses to phone him and she's she prefers writing to him. This quite simply is an excuse and it will take her weeks if she contacts him at all.

I'm wondering if I should phone him. I won't tell him anything about my suspicions of dementia in case he sees that as her having no capacity when she still understands a lot but there's times when it goes off on her. He sent her a letter 6 weeks ago and 4 weeks ago and again today.

I have his number and I am fully aware of details and case.

Ugh.
You might want to post in Legal to see what the deal is if - eventually - she is declared not to have capacity and the divorce still isn't done.
I suspect all you can do is ensure you're not reliant on any inheritance from her (unless she already has a valid will leaving you something).
I know of one case where no dementia was involved - the woman concerned just had a lot on her plate and was very good at sticking her head in the sand. She died without sorting out the financial settlement from her divorce over a decade earlier; it took six years and a lot of money to sort that one out.
Must be tempting to just forge her signature and pretend to be her but it's not worth the risk and hassle.

If she has a friend her own age who could give her some "encouragement", that has a small chance of helping, but otherwise...

What an incredibly difficult situation for you

What does she say if you ask her if she wants more help with it? She's told you the details so clearly trusts you - would she tell you want she wants but let you do the legwork /draft letters she can sign?

Speak with the solicitor, say your not sure if she is showing dementia or sticking head in sand. Might be easier to go in an sign the paperwork.

I'd also see about getting power of attorney and an updated Will sorted at the same time.

Being legally deemed to have no capacity is set really high, she would absolutely not reach it from what you've described.

So dont worry about that.

Contact the lawyer but they shouldn't tell you anything without her consent.

What you can ask for is for her permission to communicate with her lawyer on her behalf. This is totally separate from capacity.