I have to move my mum into a new care home, what do I tell her?

[Mxflamingnoravera]

My mum has been getting very anxious and delusional again of late. She thinks I've been kidnapped and despite regular face time calls won't be talked out of it. So she's been leaving the building (she has a DOLS order) to look for me.
The dementia nurse came to see her yesterday and said that this is a safeguarding issue and I can see that it is. The mañager has now given me notice that that I have to find her somewhere else.

I have found somewhere. It's brand new and have vacancies. But I just don't know how to tell her why she's moving. She's moving on Wednesday so I need some ideas to start to see the thread of the idea that she's moving. But I just don't know what to say.

So far I've come up with a holiday, more things to do because she's bored where she is, but not sure if either will cut the mustard. She's constantly packing "to go home" so I could go with that but when we get there she'll know it's not her home (which is a feeling, not a place, I uderstsnd that).

Any ideas?

Stay somewhere else until the works/ plumbing/ whatever are completed

I'm afraid I didn't warn my Mum with dementia at all when moving care homes.

Just turned up with a distracting bag of M and S lunch treats and only mentioned the fact she was moving on the way.

Saved her so much anxiety.

Nightmare if you can't currently drive, sciatica is so painful x

Just sending some good wishes to you and saying a brand new care home and new facilities are actually more like a hotel than anything else. If she gets easily bored then a place with new people excited to begin new jobs will undoubtedly give her a new vibe. My DM was the first resident in her care home - there for three days before anyone else. I can’t begin to tell you how she thrived that first week. The chef was preparing her favourite meals and baking . So enjoy that honeymoon period!

My son is coming home to help thank goodness.
Care home she is leaving will probs give her some mild sedative just to get us through the first few hours (it's all on her PRN). She was more lucid today than she has been in a while and when looking at the activities list for the week she curled her lip and said none of it ever happens. (I know that's not true) so I tested the waters and asked "what don't we find somewhere with more activities and things you can do" her response was "I'm not leaving here, I have friends here" then said "you've had a personality change, you're not my usual lovely Vera" I asked what she meant, how was I different but she couldn't say. I think I know it's because she knows I'm keeping something from her.

@Mum5net
Thanks. That's what I really hope will happen. There is so much more to do and places to explore where she's going.
Everything is now crossed fro a smooth move with her beloved grandson helping out.

@Mxflamingnoravera How did the move go? How are you feeling?

It went well until the lorezepam wore off then she became angry and wanted to go back to her old home, she can't, they won't have her back.
She hated the food, she was rude to fellow residents and I was so shattered I just had to leave promising I'd call her today.
I made a big balls up at my new job which came to light yesterday whist moving her. I just want to throw in the towel and take to my bed. My leg is agony from sciatica and now I have to drive to the new job which I already hate and spend the day trying not to think about mum and how she's coping.

Right now I hate my life. It'll pass but today I hate it. I'm tempted to resign and just wallow, but my sensible head won't let me. Gotta go, another day of chaos to cope with at work looming.

If it had not been for my lovely son helping yesterday I think I'd have been the one checking into the home for a rest.

Please try to put your mum out of your mind for today. And also let your boss know what you e been going through!
Just take care of yourself x

Absolutely put your DM out of your head for next few days and let her settle in. Don’t even phone. Let her get in with it.
You will get through your workday. You have a network of people routing for you. It will improve.

When MIL had to go into a home (she had dementia) she spent the first 2 weeks yelling that she'd been kidnapped because her DS and DIL were crooks who were just after her money.
The staff laughed it off - they were used to this.
We didn't visit much initially, then it wore off.
It's tough OP but it will get better.

Thanks for this advice, I'm taking it. I tried to call but the phones didn't answer I'm quite glad.

I've just got to stop my aunt (control freak, OCD and neurotic) for whom I also POA getting angst because she can't speak to her sister. Three calls from her today same thing "can't get through, get me another number". I'm fucking done in. I'm putting her out of my mind too.

I had to move my 84 year old dad last year as he was asked to leave the care home he was in due to safeguarding. He had dementia and had attacked someone. I asked his gp to prescribe something ( I think it was temazepan) as I had a 40 min drive. I moved him myself. He’d totally forgotten what cars and roads etc are so it was actually quite a funny experience for me and thankfully an exciting one for him! It was hard work though and I hope it goes well for you.