Struggling to realise,that I can't have a normal chat with my mum

[bizzey]

It is such hard work .
She overtalks me.
Miss hears me ...so makes things up.
I then repeat the correct version...and she say I am having a go at her

Ohhh there is loads more to say

But I just feel I have lost my mum.

I went to her house tonight and it was such hard work.

I couldn't just have a normal chat with her .
She is 83.

My MIL has been like that for the 36 years I have known her - since her early 60s. It wasn’t dementia; she only talks at people in a monologue and never listens to what they say! From what her adult DC have said, she has always been like that!

OP I feel for you. The parent-child relationship is so complex already, this must be very painful.

My mum (81) is relatively functional and 'normal' and that can make it harder to cut her some slack for the odd things she sometimes says/does. Yesterday we were talking with some friends about hearing loss and she said 'You told me if I didn't get a hearing aid you'd never speak to me again!' which is untrue. It caught me off guard and I thought she was joking and would move on but she kept insisting I had actually said it. I didn't know how to reply except to say 'I would never say that' which I think wasn't the right thing.

I'm ashamed to say I'm secretly fuming a lot of the time, which competes with the loving feelings that I also have. I feel sort of abandoned and like she's not trying hard enough, which I know is unreasonable when applied to age-related phenomena but does reflect some other aspects of our relationship.

Currently fuming about her weeding despite currently suffering with a bad back (which is now the main topic of conversation: woe is me I can't do anything at all and must sit on the sofa all day) and leaving the weeds in piles like dirty socks for me to collect when I do the gardening. I couldn't figure out where these piles of dead plants were coming from. Has seen the GP and is on meds for back, dragging heels about ringing a physio, loads of drama every time I encourage her to take a gentle walk with me to keep her back from seizing up but in the meantime she's out there fucking weeding.

She’s probably doing less harm to her back weeding than slumped on a sofa.

Maybe you're right, I feel like an arsehole for finding it irritating and I miss who she was. Like OP says there's loads more to say, I don't want to derail the thread.

The effort of being patient and nice is hard and the whole situation is very isolating so I'm guilty of venting here.

@crispinglovershighkick vent away x 💖 it is so frustrating and no one seems to understand..
Unless you are going through it.

Now she has told me she keeps sweating buckets...even though the weather has changed.

Something is not right .

bizzey thanks 🤗Yes, I know what you mean, I've stopped talking to people about it. Of course I'm lucky to have her but I often feel like she's the tranquil swan sailing along on the surface and I'm the legs and webbed feet flailing away underneath.

This board has been so great (many thanks to you all), I came here a few times during lockdown and in the depths of covid when she was staying with us (for 9mos!). Feel free to have a vent yourself 💝

Do you think the sweating buckets thing could be because there's so much news about the heat and wants to say something relevant? My mum told me a story about Kim Kardashian's DP the other day. She has never watched the Kardashians and I reckon neither of us could pick out any of them (maybe Kim and Kris Jenner) in a lineup, I asked about it and she said she reads the celeb gossip mags. I think she wants to show she's paying attention.

Bizzey, has she been checked for a UTI? If she is a bit more bonkers than usual and is also sweating, maybe a UTI could be to blame. UTI combined with dementia = batshit.

Second this - absolutely loolah once you add in UTI