Scotland - sources of advice re residential care, etc

[Albless]

Hi there, I think I may well become a regular on this Forum.

Briefly, DF is late 80s with Alzheimers. After a 3 month hospital stay - admitted because he couldn't stand up, then turned out to have Covid. Some rehab - physio said he is physically in reasonable shape, but brain not communicating with body. Discharged back home with 4 visits a day care package, 2 carers at a time. That was almost 4 weeks ago. First day back , he walked slowly to bed with assistance, but now can't get out of bed. With OT help he can stand - but not even able at this point to turn and get into wheelchair. He is constantly distressed - calling DM's name, asking what's wrong with him, saying "Help me!" and apologising. It's heart-breaking. He can''t move his body on the bed, is catheterised but panics wanting to use toilet - but can't get there. He was diagnosed with Alzheimers 5 years, and is now in rapid decline. Over the past few days he is eating and drinking very little, and seems not to recognise what food is when he sees it.

DM is 80 and fit for her age with no health issues other than being deaf - hearing aid use is improving! She is now stuck sitting in the bedroom with my DF pretty much all day. She is good at denial though and has spent the past 8 years blaming medication side-effects, etc for symptoms which can be attributed to Alzheimers/Dementia.

OTs have now suggested a hoist to get DF out of bed and into wheelchair so at least can move into another room in the house.

I have one sister, and we both live within about 30 min drive of parents.

A short term measure might be to buy or hire a hoist privately, so we can get DF out of bed asap. One has been requested by OTs but we don't know how long that might take. Going privately we'd need to make sure we had appropriate hoist and that carers, etc would be able to use it.

Medium term, we think that getting both parents into a nursing home would be a solution. That way, DM is there for DF when he calls for her, but also would have round the clock support etc, and somewhere else to go for a break. We were thinking of a room for a couple - twin beds.

Sorry, this is longer than planned.

Where is the best place to find information on nursing homes - especially to find out if they do accommodate couples? On-line resources or helplines.

Also information about hiring equipment?

What experience do others here have - advice to offer. All suggestions, comments, warnings of pitfalls would be very welcome.

Parents are financially comfortable and can afford to self-fund care.

POA already set up for both.

OP, this must be really hard for you all. As your Dad has a care package in place, he must have a care plan manager and maybe a social worker. They would be your first contact for advice and support. They can arrange assessments for both parents and advise on their options.

I sympathise, been there and worn the tee shirt, it's a tough gig.

Just to add, there should be a folder in their house with all the contact details of the care team.

I am so sorry about your DF. What does the GP say about your father's seemingly rapid deterioration? I would want to know about this before anything else.
a- Social Work Department- have your parents already been assessed? Even if you're paying privately, local social workers know all about the local care homes.
b - Solicitor- solicitors who deal with a lot of Private Client /Wealth Management work can be founts of knowledge.
I'd be worried about your mum being in a care home with your dad for any length of time. Would it be an option to hire a full time carer at home? I'd speak to the company currently providing the carers about extra carer/companion hours and also about hoist hire. There are a number of private companies that hire them.

Tough times @Albless
A few quick points.
The Social Work team for the Elderly at their Council is a good place to start.
It's unlikely they will tell you to go specifically to X care home but they will give you a steer as to how they can support you and your DSis sorting temporary equipment and care out.
As your parents are comfortable and self funding you can pretty much move to the 'search' stage immediately.
Location, location, location. Decide with DSis where they would be best located - near her, near you or staying where they are or in the middle? If DParents have friends with cars who would visit them weekly then there's a lot to be said for keeping them local, However, longer term there might a case to have them close to one of you.
A lot will depend who has the most suitable accommodation near by.
Ask locally for recommendations. The chemist, the doctor's receptionist, dog walkers of a certain age. Some homes will accommodate your DParents in same room but others will probably prefer to make them pay for a room each and these are very likely not to be together or on the same floor to begin with. Your DM might be in a less dependent environment.
Try to go with your DSis to see three places for starters, just to give you a 'feel'. Realistically the time to 'inspect is between 11-12 noon and 2.30pm -4.00pm weekdays so you avoid meal times. You will need to make appointments to make a tour. The care manager will try to find out whether your parents are self funding and some might need proof that they can pay at least 24 months' worth of care before they even let you visit. (Red flag ) My best advice is go see some next week and don't put it off. Once you have visited a couple or three, you will be more empowered, even if they are not the right fit.

Thank you so much for your replies. I went to see parents yesterday and DM said a woman phoned the other day and is coming this afternoon with a form for her to fill in. DM’s deafness means she has no idea who this woman is or what the form is about. This is a common theme. DSis thinks it might be someone from Council and form might be about hoist. I’m going to be there when the mystery woman visits, and hopefully she’ll be able to give me more information about Social Worker and local contacts re carers etc. The carers are from the Council and are very good with my DF.

The hoist arrives on Wednesday. I’m not convinced that my DF will be able to sit on a chair anymore, or for long, as he just can’t move his own body. But we’ll see how that goes.

Had another conversation with DM about the current situation not being sustainable, and that a nursing home would be better for DF as people there round the clock to position him, etc. Haven’t mentioned her also going in, but emphasising benefit to DF and that she would be able to spend as much time as she wanted there, and also go for a walk/take breaks knowing he’s not alone.

We’ll start sussing out nursing homes - we have a good idea of the location we’re looking for and fortunately are close to a couple of reasonable sized coastal towns popular with retirees so lots of nursing homes!

DPs currently live rurally, so although live-in care could also be a short term option, DSis and I are looking forward and ultimately to getting DM into a smaller house in the town. On the up-side, DM has been steadily decluttering over the past couple of years, so although still a lot of stuff to downsize, not too overwhelming.