Watching the end in slow motion

[maeveiscurious]

January DM was given a terminal dementia diagnosis, every week we see a downward charge

It's just the saddest thing to watch

I'm sorry, that sounds so painful.

I’m sorry this has happened to you both. It’s very difficult, and I begin to think it is more difficult for the loved ones than for the sufferer.

Take heart - it’s not all grim. Everyone’s different. My father has come to terms with not being able to do anything, and has emerged into a state of contentment that is lovely to see after his years of frustration. There are still moments when glimpses of my father shine through. But then I’ve been watching him through at least 6 years of serious decline, which itself brings a degree of acceptance.

Try to celebrate what she can still do (my father can still read and recognise which number comes next, eg 36 will be followed by 37, though I don’t think he knows what the numbers mean), don’t contradict her, and try to outsource care so you can be a daughter to her, not just a carer. You will be grieving the loss of your mother, but for your own sake and that of the mother you loved, try to make this a happy time for you both.

My DM is now sleeping most of the time and her hands are shaded blue. She can't seem to wake up and is sleep fed.

I'm just going to hold her hand

Yes, hold her hand and let her go when it’s her time.
Thats what I did, and I like to think she knew I was there 💐

We did this with my grandma. We sat with her for 2 days overall. It was harrowing at the time but with hindsight I’m glad we were able to be with her when she died.
Just be aware that when people die this way they don’t always go quietly! My grandma became quite restless at the end, calling out for her mum and my grandad who’d died many years earlier. She moved around quite a bit - it was disconcerting but she was clearly not ‘awake’ as such. The staff in the care home where she lived popped in regularly and said it was very normal. Eventually she became very still and did just drift off. I’ll never forget being there at the end, it means a lot to me.