Could do with some advice

[Linda42]

I will do my best to make this as short as possible but I do think a bit of background is needed. I am in my 40’s and I have one child. I am a single mother and have never remarried after my husband left when I was pregnant 15 years ago. I am a teacher and work full time.
my grandmother got dementia when my son was around 2-3 and needed care which the care she needed increased over the years until I lost her a month ago.
My mum and her sister did not step up and said they either couldn’t or become aggressive when challenged so I would do the most. I love my grandmother as a mother so I wanted to help her and be there but it was hard at times.

My mum and I do not have a nice relationship and since my grandmother has passed she hasn’t contacted me only to more or less ask for things. My mum is an aggressive and toxic person and I should be grateful that she doesn’t call but it bothers me a lot.
do I do the right thing and contact her or am I allowed to step away a bit as I am the only person that makes the contact. I pay for her mobile phone bill so there really isn’t an excuse. I feel like I’m only useful when something is needed but in between those times I’m unwanted and useless.

what should I do?

Im so sorry for your loss. It is time now to put yourself first and your child. The “ right thing” and what you are “allowed:” to do……. You are not responsible for your mothers happiness. Give yourself permission to be happy.
please join us in the cockroach cafe on this board. Loads of room in the well populated bad daughters room- the good daughters room is falling into disrepair through lack of use……
you are not unwanted or useless. Your Dc wants you.

I used to have a reminder set on my phone so I would call distant family member (DFM) every couple of weeks. They never called me so after six months of me calling them I stopped. It took three months for them to call because they wanted something. After that I decided that the phone worked both ways and it wasn't all down to me to keep a failing relationship alive. It was clear that I only came to mind when they wanted me to do something for them, there was no such thing as a social call.

If you don't want to call, don't call. Paying for her phone is not a tie that binds you.

I had a challenging relationship with my dad I just accepted he was what he was and yes I did renew contact when he died I had no guilt. It worked for me

Stop paying for her phone bill and go low/no contact.

If you don't get on, why are you contacting her and paying her mobile bill? If two people don't get on (to say the least!) what's the downside of just going for less contentious interactions, the odd card etc?
It's not as if it sounds like she enjoys contact with you - surely she'd be more pleasant if she did - and YOU don't enjoy it!
And at a few quid a month these days surely your ADULT mother can sort her own darn mobile!