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Elderly parents

How or when will I know if this is dementia?

11 replies

SummersBreeze · 20/07/2022 17:37

I had some concerns about my mother since last year. I have a list of observations about her.

There was an incident where she fled the house to go into the city by walking to the bus stop but there was torrential rain outside. I thought it could have waited til a better day. She came home from town and said she was bored. I thought it was weird. That's all. It wasn't a day for town.

It was this incident where I began to piece together other things.
She was dealing with a solicitor but she ignored his instruction to call him. I have since found out, only in recent weeks, she was ignoring him for the past year.

There were episodes where she was mute to me. No talk of conversation from her. For example I could get up in the morning or when she gets up, there wasn't even a 'good morning' from her. There were times when she left the house without even talking to me or without telling me where she was going. I found it so odd.

There were times when she would hear a vehicle drive up the drive and she would run up the hall, almost as if to hide and it was only the postman.

I caught her eavesdropping.

There were episodes for anger from her that made no sense and I was left absolutely broken.

She had no comprehension on some matters on public health. She laughed at the social distancing. She refused to wear masks properly. She coughs and sneezes into the open and even there were times she coughed over my cooking and my meals.

I think there were some episodes of paranoia and OCD too.

I began to piece together these little bits and I began thinking and wondering if maybe there was a dementia brewing.

Then in April of this year I found out that she had stolen items of my underwear and my suspicions were strengthened. I was horrified. As the weeks progressed, I found more of my bras and knickers amongst her laundry. Something new I am noticing lately is that whenever she washes her laundry she hangs some stuff out on the line but within a matter of a short while, she removes all the underwear into her room to continue drying her bedroom. Almost as if she is paranoid that I ama stealing her underwear and bras and I am not.

I mentioned my concerns to our GP. We attend the same practice. At one of my appointments I mentioned my concerns. The gp tapped into my mothers chart and she saw some issues straight away. She was supposed to go back over a matter a few months ago and then there was another issue too. She GP was concerned too at that stage.

The gp rang her for an 'over 65s assessment' or something or another and invited my mother for an appointment. That was a few months ago. My mother is due to go back again soon for another appointment. I am so nervous. I don't know what happened at the last appointment and I don't know what's in store from here. I hope I am wrong about dementia but there's something not right.

Then throughout May and June there were some other issues. My mother became very stressed and she told me some tales that were quite questionable but I just nodded my head and replied innocently to her. I didn't question her or argue with her on this or other matters.

How will I know what the process is going forward and if dementia is at play or not.

OP posts:
SummersBreeze · 20/07/2022 17:45

I noticed as well back in April there was an episode of confusion from her. Then there was another incident where she didn't have the focus for a form. There was another time where she wasn't able to focus on pictures and photos. Then there were times I noticed she would have the same page open on a magazine for days on end. She would sit and read but never move page.

So, so far it's all mild and subtle and hardly noticeable.

If this is dementia in my mind there was no point waiting around waiting to see if it progresses or burying my head in the sand and waiting for a day that memory loss sets in where it will possibly be more distressing for both her and me. Hopefully I am wrong and it's not dementia.

OP posts:
gunnersgold · 20/07/2022 17:47

How old is she ? Have you asked for a memory clinic assessment ?

SummersBreeze · 20/07/2022 17:52

gunnersgold · 20/07/2022 17:47

How old is she ? Have you asked for a memory clinic assessment ?

She is nearly 70.

It's not my job to request this. I presume the GP would refer her for an assessment?

OP posts:
bluejelly · 20/07/2022 17:53

It does sound like it could be. Dementia is v common. Would recommend reading the book Contented Dementia which I found immensely helpful when dealing with my grandfather.

BananaSpanner · 20/07/2022 18:01

My mum suffers with dementia and I’ve got to be honest I don’t recognise most of the behaviours you’ve mentioned as being early stage dementia. However, there are several different kinds and it manifests differently in different people.

The key thing is memory though, you haven’t mentioned that at all I don’t think. What is hers like?

Key things for me recognising it and arranging a GP appt were:
Sharp decline in memory- repeating the same conversations over and over to the point that she would ask the same question about 3 times within a couple of minutes.
Finding it hard to do things that she could previously do with ease- for example, she couldn’t organise herself to pack a suitcase, literally couldn’t do it, didn’t know where to start.
Also she was quite tech savvy for her age but quickly started to lose this.
She was still driving in the early stages but kept getting lost, she would blame it on diversions but I’m fairly sure she got lost driving to the supermarket 1 mile away from home.
Also lost her car in the car park several times.

One thing similar to what you mention is the procrastination, I did notice that she would put off tasks like booking train tickets and make up excuses when in reality I think she couldn’t remember what to do.

BananaSpanner · 20/07/2022 18:02

The GP can do a memory test with her then refer her to the clinic if she needs it. Could you talk to and go with her to the GP appt?

Rattysparklebum · 20/07/2022 18:25

Many of those behaviours sound like my DF who has been referred to the memory clinic for a dementia assessment. DF has paranoia and doesn’t always trust my mum and won’t speak to her on those days, he worries we are talking about him so ‘lurks’ in the hallway listening to phone calls and conversations, he thinks people are trying to steal things so is constantly moving and hiding them, unfortunately the wait for a memory clinic appointment is around 8 months.

gunnersgold · 20/07/2022 18:30

Err it kind of is , you have to chase stuff it or doesn't get done !

We took mum to the doctors and it started the process ..

You don't have to do it but nothing will get done if she doesn't tell them she is struggling .

Summerslam · 20/07/2022 18:30

I did a MoCA test on a family member when there was a suspicion she might be displaying symptoms of dementia.

www.mocatest.org/

It might be worth a try, but she may not co-operate.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 20/07/2022 22:32

My mum started with odd quirks - she would get obsessed by things - one of her obsessions over lockdown was with Deputy Medical Officer - Jenny Harries. She was convinced that she had been silenced by someone and was really worried about her. I had to put her clothes out for her at bedtime so she knew that they were ready. At the same time as her cognitive faculties were deteriorating so was her eye sight and mobility. She started to struggle to turn on the tv (I blamed her eyes). She couldn't follow instructions when I was moving her into the wheelchair (I thought it was the arthritis that was causing such pain she couldn't move). Then she couldn't follow tv programmes "There are too many characters".

Because she lived with us I just picked up the slack as we went along so she never had to remember routines/bills/birthdays. She had no perception of the time and energy I expended to help her - she was sure that she did all sorts of things around the house that she hadn't done for years. She couldn't tell the time. She would get out of bed at 2 a.m. convinced that it was afternoon and she had been waiting for the carer to come and get her up.

Within a few days of being in hospital it became clear that she was deteriorating mentally as well as physically but I had been in denial.

Now she doesn't remember who I am, doesn't remember my kids names (although she thinks they are her kids!) still gets obsessed by weird things and feels that everyone is out to get her. But she remembered tiny details about a shopping trip to Bath 9 years ago and she knows my son has 6 guinea pigs.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 20/07/2022 22:36

It may or not be dementia.

cognitive testing and head scans can tell you that.

do you have power of attorney for health and welfare and finances in place? If not I’d do that as a priority - hopefully your dm will agree,

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