Laundry and appliances

[SummersBreeze]

Does anyone know what the set up is behind washing machines? Is there a cold water pipe and a hot water pipe to the washing machine?

Does anyone know if I can turn off the hot water to the machine and would it work with only cold water? I know washes will then only be done in cold water.

My mother doesn't have a dementia diagnosis but I think there is something brewing. I have a list of observations about my mother that is off with her.

Anyways she's not really respecting the appliances and energy conservation. A lot of the washes are done at 60 degrees. Not only that she fills up the washing powder dispenser and the machine doesn't take up all the powder. Then she adds on extra rinse onto each cycle too. I think it's all connected and there's some sort of a paranoia or an OCD that stuff isn't being washed properly without a lot of powder, high temperature and extra rinse. I'm dreading the next bill but I am dreading the bills going forward into the winter. I have never seen my other reduce the temperature of the machine and reduce the time on each cycle. There is a wash cycle that is 50 minutes and 55 minutes but she adds on more time. There are lower wash temperatures.

I am thinking about turning off the hot water at the back of the washing machine so that only cold water goes into the machine. I won't tell her. She will continue selecting 60 and 80 and 90 degree long washes.

There was an episode from my mother where she wanted to freshen up already clean and folded bedlinen by washing them again. She made bags of laundry to wash and washed it all at 60 with extra rinse. I think considering they were clean it could have been done on cold or 30. I was able to manage one load when she went to town for a day and washed in cold. I'm not all the time at home. The majority of clean bedlinen would have been rewashed at 60. It's madness.

I'm thinking about turning off the hot water to the machine if it's at all possible.

No as far as I am aware washing machines (modern ones anyway) have a heating element built in, so it's only cold water in and waste water out, so I don't think it will work - and even if you manage to find and disconnect the heating element it will likely cause the machine to throw an error code rather than not washing at all. I do get the concern financially/environmentally and the fact she's probably reducing the useable life of her clothes by boiling everything but I don't think forcing her to wash everything in cold water will work as it likely won't clean properly and things will come out smelling musty which if she's already anxious will upset her more - even eco cycles wash on 20 degrees which is a lot warmer than 'tap-cold' water, other than hand washing delicates you do need to wash clothes in warm water really.

If you really desperately need to save money then I think the only solution would be for you to do all her washing for her, or perhaps for the machine to strategically break (you could just take the fuse out or pull the hose out) and 'fix it' when you are there to supervise but to me that feels quite deceptive and like I say if washing everything super thoroughly is a crutch to her anxiety then you might just find that spills out into other, much worse coping mechanisms if you take the machine away?

Most washers these days are cold fill, the one I had with a hot water connection only used the hot water on a 90 degree wash. The washing machine heats its own water, it's not the case that you only get a cold wash with a cold fill machine. Your machine may not have a hot water connection and even if it does, disconnecting it won't get you a colder wash cycle.

I'm assuming that the two of you have spoken about this already because that seems like the first step to take.

My DM lives on her own and she does things like this. Pulls out the kettle every single time its used. Seems obsessed with saving money yet she has plenty.

I am most concerned about her getting someone in regarding equity release which seems to be advertised everywhere. She doesnt need the money, doesnt have anything to spend it on but I wouldnt put it past her to do something stupid like this and the first I would know about it was when it appeared in her bank account! I have POA but I really dont trust her.

I think theres a lot of washes that could be planned and reduce the temperatures and the time on the clock too. For example I think clothes like tshirts and trousers could be washed in a cooler temperature like cold or 30 degrees. Then socks and underwear could be washed at 40 degrees. It think towels and bed linen could be washed at 40 degrees and maybe at times of sickness in the house maybe a higher temperature could be used. There's none of these being done. I wouldn't mind so much if some of the high washes were offset with a lower degree wash but that's not happening. There really isn't a need to extend the cycles either with an extra rinse.

Chatting to my mother and suggesting changes is never going to work any more. She's not able to understand or comprehend anything beyond herself. It's me left paying the bills for someone who does not want to do any energy conservation.

She won't let me do any of her laundry. I think she would be early stages of dementia or something else. She's not at a stage where she needs 24/7 care or attention so I am not always at home. There are times, maybe once a month where a time may come about where I am at home and she goes to the city for the day and that's the day I take any laundry that's about the house like towels and bed linen and wash on a quick 40 degree wash and get it done. I don't always have this precious time.

I was hoping on maybe addressing this by checking for a hot water supply at the back of the machine. Its disappointing that won't be an option.

I really have no idea how to sort this out. I think something has to be done going into the winter.

She boiled the kettle for tea. Walked away for about 10 minutes and came back and boiled it up again. This is what I am dealing with at home. There's no effort for energy conservation. She doesn't care about anything beyond herself.

Modern machines are cold fill only and the machine heats the water

Does she live with you or on her own? Why are you paying her bills? My starting point would be to respect her choice to use her appliances how she wants, but she should be paying for that. To

Having had years of this with both parents - one in a care home and the other living on their own. What is clear and sensible to us is no such thing with them!

They might nod and smile but then do what they want to do. The big issue I have with this and hopefully you can understand.

When it all goes wrong it all comes back for me to resolve!! its beyond amusing now.

Please all take this the right way but older people can be sly and hide things for various reasons good and not so good. They can often refuse to say sign a POA or anything that can make everyone's lives easier. I guess they dont want to lose control and POA doesnt take that away from them but in their muddled state they perhaps thinks it does and refuse to engage.

I had to put my foot down with both parents seperately who were trying to get me to do things they way they used to do them, ie go into Barclays, take the pass book, queue up at the desk and get the book stamped. I know some friends whose parents refuse to do direct debits. They cannot get out much now without a huge amount of effort so expect DD to go into town, visit various financial institutions and do things the old fashioned way.

Do you have power of attorney?
Maybe try and arrange a GP check up? You could contact your Mum's GP with your concerns. They won't be able to tell you anything, but might call her in for a check up in general terms. Some types of dementia respond well to medication that can help retain greater cognition.
I had many stressful years of my Mum being well enough to be at home and look after herself but frequently make poor decisions. It's really hard.

Older washers used to be hot & cold water fill but modern ones only have cold water fill.

I raised my concerns last month with our GP and the GP rang her within an hour of my appointment to invite her down for an 'over 65 check up' that they do with everyone apparently 😂. God bless her, our GP that is.

Tests are being done now. A baseline with blood work etc.

I don't know where it goes from here.

I think there is something happening with my mother. I found she was stealing some of my clothes and from what I can see it's just items of my underwear. Just certain underwear - white lacey knickers and bras. Even though we are different sizes. I had to steal back my favourite white M+S bra. My mother would never shop in M+S. She's more of a primary or asda person. Never M+S due to the prices and costs. There's other stuff too but the stealing of my underwear was alarming and strengthen my suspicions towards dementia. I hope I am wrong because I know its progressive. My mother is never going to entertain the idea of a POA unfortunately. Even though my heart is in a good place wanting to help.

I switch the kettle on, go & sit down & then more often than not get engrossed in something & have to switch the kettle on to boil again to make a drink, I can't stand for very long due to disability. I haven't got dementia, could the extra rinsing be due to skin allergies? Insisting on washing clothes again with an extra rinse may just be because she doesn't like the scent of the powder, or if you have used a different powder she doesn't like the scent. Older people do things in their own ways, even at 56 I never use the 30 degree programme on my washer, if she is paying the bills that is her business.

I did some research on dementia online and frontotemporal dementia seems to be very fitting.

My mother's memory seems to be good. There's just some things that are off with her. Moods, anger, some silence/mutism and folly. There was some episodes where she fled from the house because she was bored and she went into town - walking to the bus stop but there was torrential rain outside at the time. That episode really had me stand back and think there's something up. It wasn't right. I think it could have waited for a drier day. Not a day with torrential rain outside. It was that episode where I started to piece together little things that were off and began thinking that she's going senile. A lot of the time out of these little episodes where things are off, she's still her usual self. Shes good with dates and calculations and she's very sharp too. Like were watching an online wedding and she was noticed that there was a man we knew there who turned up with a different woman who wasn't his wife and she was right. He was split with the wife.

Honestly, if you think something is going on cognitively, then expecting her to wash stuff at different temps depending on what it is is never going to work.

Who is paying for the bills? Is the financial situation very desperate? Obviously it saves money to wash at lower temps but probably not as massive an amount as would make a material difference if it's a modern and efficient washing machine.

Reboiling the kettle is very bad on the electricity.

Regarding the washing, I don't think the extra rinse is to remove a powder smell. The stuff still comes out smelling of powder. For instance today I am at home. The washing machine is in the kitchen. The back door to the house is also in the kitchen. The back door is open and there's plenty of fresh air. A wash was finished and I could still smell the laundry coming out from the machine. And I am recovering from covid where I lost my taste and smell 2 weeks ago. My smell is not 100% and I can still smell it. She's filling up the washing dispenser drawer without ever measuring. She fills it right up. She could easily reduce that too if she's worried about smells.

We are going through a new time where there's an energy crisis and a rise in energy costs. I think we all need to make changes regarding energy conservation.

Does she live with you OP?

I think there is something brewing. I think we will be going through a difficult time going into the winter. I really don't know how to address this problem and get this reduced. It's me paying the bills and I am dreading the winter. I don't know how to address this.

The washing machine is in the kitchen so it's not in a utility room. I think if it was in a utility room, I could nearly lock her out but I won't be able to do that.

Can you unplug the washing machine or maybe use a smart plug, so she can't power it? Would this help?

First thing is to do a clean cycle on the washer, scrub the powder drawer & do the clean cycle to make sure the pipes aren't blocked with powder. The reason I often have to reboil the kettle is because I'm disabled & can't stand long enough to wait for the kettle to boil from cold, my kitchen is only small & there isn't room for somewhere to sit down.

Long washes generally reduce energy consumption, it's the short washes that use more.

Of course it's ideal to use less, but does it really matter that much if she uses a bit more? If it really bothers you the most energy efficient solution would probably be buying her a more up to date machine. But that would of course incur upfront cost and you'd have to work out something eco friendly to do with the old one.

We can only do what we can, which is not always the most ideal thing. It sounds like she is not really able to take these concerns into account so I would save your stress/energy and not worry about it. I'm sure corporations are doing much worse on a much larger scale. One single person boiling kettles and doing hot washes is not sending the planet into disarray.

To reduce the amount of powder used, what about totally removing the drawer and getting a dosing ball that goes in the drum?

Sorry, I have read again and see you are worried about cost specifically rather than energy use.

I can see why you are concerned about cost however, there are probably bigger issues than the environment. Cost wise, to stop the expensive programmes being used, could you put a sticker over them, assuming it’s a dial, so only the low temp is visible? Would your Mum be amenable to using a tablet if you removed the powder? At least this way the dose is controlled.

@stratforduponavon I did smile wryly at your comment about doing admin ‘their’ way. My parent is appalled that no one goes to the council office monthly to pay council tax, or the bank in person or to ‘man web’ to pay the leccy bill. Luckily when my dad died we had to go in to the bank to sort that so I made sure I made as many changes as possible at the same time!

My dad used to listen to Radio 4 consumer programmes and hear all the horror stories of people who had been over charged, so he insisted on paying the exact amount by cheque or through the post office so he had proof of payment.

I suppose when you’re losing your capacity to sort problems (because of less energy, declining physical capacity, the modern world is working in ways that seem inexplicable) it becomes doubly important to stop problems happening in the first place.

Why are you paying the bills?

You need to stop doing this. If her energy consumption is so terrible she gets herself into serious issues and debt then actually that’s a good thing as it’s good evidence of her not coping.

Contact your local councils adult social care department and ask for an assessment. No one will help unless you say you can’t help her / provide care. It’s hard but you have to be really tough and refuse to do certain things - I had to do this with my own Mum.