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Elderly parents

elderly parents with financial issues.

11 replies

Autumn777 · 13/07/2022 13:35

My parents (in their 80s) have got themselves into a massive mess financially. They have always been selfish & have been doing this all their lives. One loan after another, bailiffs at the door etc. No money for food, electricity etc as I was growing up. I’ve told them they need to sell the family home, downsize and live comfortably. They could afford to do this if they would sell. They would have a good life without all this stress. They refuse to do this and keep asking to borrow money from me and DH and taking out loans, one after another.

A few weeks ago my mom calls me saying their home is being repossessed and they needed money urgently for a solicitor. She asked to borrow money and I agreed but told her it had to be repaid 1 week later as it was a hard month for us, taxes to be paid, balance of holiday etc. she agreed and said they were selling one of their cars and would repay it a couple of days later but needed it that day.

A week came and went. Heard nothing. So I called asked how things were & could we have our money back. She was furious! Said I had a cheek asking and that she wants the money they gave me for my university fees back and that I owe them. I went to university 25 years ago! They paid 1 year of my tuition fees only, I worked and got a loan as well to pay the rest.

They are now not speaking to me. I am upset about the whole situation. They sold the car. What would you do?

OP posts:
ZaraSizeMedium · 13/07/2022 13:37

I would write the money off and vow to stop enabling them.

I would never give them another penny ever again.

ZekeZeke · 13/07/2022 14:22

Wrote the money off and distance yourself.

Battlecat98 · 13/07/2022 14:25

Honestly let the money go and ignore them. I know it's easy for me to say but they sound awful.

EL8888 · 13/07/2022 17:37

I would literally do nothing. They sound selfish and feckless. I would let the house be repossessed.

whenwilliwillibefamous · 13/07/2022 19:33

Not sure there is much you can do, really.
Don't lend them any more money, obvs.
Sometimes people are ... well, not very well adjusted. Sometimes they're parents. Sometimes, if you're unlucky, they're your parents. It's just one of those unfair things in life like cancer, redundancy, storms.

Most likely they had crap childhoods - I found that understanding how people had ended up the way they were, helped me to, at least, accept and work round them (if not forgive in a saintly manner).

PermanentTemporary · 13/07/2022 20:44

To be fair if they had sold their house they would soon be in trouble again.

PritiPatelsMaker · 13/07/2022 22:38

How absolutely shit for you Flowers

Sofadog · 14/07/2022 13:00

No more hand outs or loans. I fear this situation with my own parents. They are not elderly just yet but in their 60s and still working. When COVID hit one of them couldn’t work for a while and their first instinct was just to bung everything on credit cards rather than cut back (their outgoings are massive and they always have the best of everything). I was clear that I would expect to see massive changes to their lifestyles before I put my hand in my pocket…I certainly wouldn’t be going without to enable them.

Tessabelle74 · 19/11/2022 14:15

Don't give them any more money for a start! They're grien adults,et them sort themselves out

doggiedazy · 19/11/2022 21:59

I think it was foolish to have lent them the money and expect it back.
You need to let them live independently and look after your own families finances as you sound like you are following your parents bad financial choices (abet for different reasons, but the result is the same).

PritiPatelsMaker · 20/11/2022 09:16

I see this thread has been revived. How are things now @Autumn777?

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