Father's 70th birthday approaching

[diane1976]

I've had minimal contact with my father since he said some unforgivable things about 3 years ago. He's a classic narcissist, too many examples to list on here.
My son (aged 8) is close him to him, is too young to understand why I want no relationship.
Father has driven my siblings away from wanting anything to do with him too. They've been NC with him for over 10 years.
The penny dropped with me in finally seeing what he's like when he made some bogus allegations to my son's school and social services about me (alleged abuse). All quickly refuted and seen to be complete lies.
The reason he did this is because blames me for his failed relationship with last gf (she was a racist bigot and couldn't accept that I was married to man from a different country). Father saw my decision to stay in my marriage as "antagonsing" his gf.
He acts like he's done no wrong in all this and seems surprised that I want no contact, like everything is just a big "misunderstanding". It's not.
His 70th birthday is coming up next week and I absolutely dread seeing/hearing anything about this or having pressure applied from other relatives to attend.

I think you'll be away won't you? Or have tickets for something or you think you have Covid? The tests are inconclusive? Last excuse is the best.

Formulate some answers, write them down if you have to.

'It sounds great, I'm sure you'll have a good time'
'I need some time away at the moment'

Things like that. Then broken record it.

I'm afraid I deliberately arranged it so that my ds didn't have much of a relationship with my dad and wasn't distressed by not seeing him (it wasnt hard, he ignored him when they were together). But ultimately you are his mum and know the relationships that make sense for him.

Agree, you need to come up with a plan and stick to it. Covid-19 seems the obviously one as hasn't it carried off over 1 in 200 over 70s already?

My DM is similar to your F. We have very minimal contact.

We can't really advise as he's your DF and only you know what you will be happy with and what type of relationship you want to maintain. At 70 your dad is hardly old at all! He's "young old" still.

You can have your own 70th celebration with him if anyone asks.

What shocks me most is that you say your DD made wholly false allegations of abuse to Children services and DS's school about you which you believe were racist. Depending on those and Whether he was seeking to protect your DS no matter how misguided or if he was intending to harm DS through you by using him as a pawn, I would be very wary of his impact on DS if it is wholly negative. Child abuse can take many forms and emotional psychological abuse is not good for children, even if by grandparents.

DF not DD sorry for auto incorrect